Open Mouth, Insert Foot, A Faiken Mallady

Often times I read a lot of stupid statements made by celebrities and non-celebrities, and most of the time I laugh and let them go mainly because the offenders are not worthy of criticism. They don’t claim to be the best thing since sliced bread, the solution to human kind problems or the one with the solutions to poverty. They also don’t brag about degrees or make themselves to be above anyone else in the business (except Tom “crazy ass space alien” Cruise, of course). This interview was totally different and it peaked my interest for a couple of reasons, one being it was Clay “the enlightened one” Faiken (and let’s face it, I’m biased) and secondly, it presents the REAL picture of the American Idol 2 runner-up in all his ignorance. Please be advised I interjected a few comments (in yellow). Enjoy the reading:

An Idol Who Really Gives Back

05/07/2007 7:00 PM, Yahoo! Music
Laura Hertzfeld

Before charming the hearts of American Idol fans in 2003, singer Clay Aiken was a teacher, focusing on special education in his native North Carolina. Today, in addition to performing and recording, Clay acts (being the operative word) as an education ambassador for UNICEF, most recently in post-Taliban Afghanistan. Still jetlagged, Clay told Yahoo! Music in his smooth (as in “operator”) drawl why Idol Gives Back won't solve the poverty problem (bitter much?), what it was like to grow a beard (as opposed to using one) and wear long robes, (to feel like wearing a dress) and why he never sings when visiting schools abroad (because he sucks?).

YAHOO! MUSIC: What were your overall impressions of Afghanistan?

CLAY: I think (do you? I don’t think so Faiken) more than anything, the trip to me was a stereotype-breaker because there are so many times in the U.S. that we see in the news the negative things that happen in Afghanistan. We see the head coverings and we think Muslim ,(sure, this coming from someone who dressed like the Taliban and grew a beard, did you say “stereotyping?) we hear about suicide bombings and terrorists, and we think "Middle East." Afghanistan's not in the Middle East, it's in South Asia, and it's not a desert. (uhm Mr. “coughFormerTeachercough”, Afghanistan IS in the Middle East. http://worldatlas.com/webimage/countrys/me.htm) . My friends were all, "It must have been so hot there!" But you can see in some of the pictures the snow-capped mountains (Climate Afghanistan is known for hot summers ). There are many parts of Afghanistan that are really quite a lush landscape. I had a lot of misconceptions about the country and about the people there (it's more like you were... IGNORANT?).

YAHOO! MUSIC: Why education?

CLAY: Well you know, I was a teacher (sure you were Faiken *wink*), so education is kind of important (huh? kind of?) to me. I focus on education mainly (besides checking for manhunt links). with UNICEF on every trip that I take. A number of schools [in Afghanistan] were destroyed during the Taliban era. The schools that were around only housed male students--girls were not allowed to go to school. So now there are twice the numbers of students and there's just not enough room to hold these kids. They are sitting outside on the ground all day.

YAHOO! MUSIC: The Idol Gives Back charity event raised more than $70 million. Could you relate to what you saw your fellow idols doing in Africa and other places? (of course he can’t!)

CLAY: I think there's definitely a problem (yep, YOU!) and I'll point to recent charity events--when people go and they talk about the need in an area or a country and they don't have the information (oh! and you do right? Like Afghanistan NOT being in the middle east? BWAHAHA). If you come back and you talk about the need in a country and don't know what's going on in the country, then you're completely remiss (NO! you’re completely an ASS). There's always a greater cause [to poverty] (like siphoning money out of fans?) than throwing money at the issue, and I think the strongest solution, the strongest weapon we have against poverty and hunger is education When you take a look at something like Idol Gives Back and you realize that the main piece of information we got is that people are hungry in Africa, but we didn't find out why they are hungry in Africa and we didn't out where in Africa they are hungry, nor did we find out the major causes. (Quoting from a great response posted by Ambien, “Does he think the kids in Africa with no parents give a flying fuck about why they are poor or why they are hungry???? No you sanctimonious asshole. They don't because they are just trying to survive while you parade around in your Taliban-wannabee costume”). Without the education about what's going on in the country, we're doing no service except for perpetuating that same stereotype that Africa, or any other country in the world, is lesser than the U.S., and we're in the role that we have to give to them. (…and this is coming from you who don’t even know what countries comprise the Middle East?)

YAHOO! MUSIC: Did you perform for the kids you met in Afghanistan? How did they like your music?

CLAY: [Laughing] I made the mistake in Uganda (…and in MANY other places) of performing for some kids who were in a night commuter center, and they were singing a song and they were clapping. It was kind of a joyful, cheerful song. They didn't know me, but they had heard that I was a singer, and so they asked me to sing a song, and I couldn't think of what to sing (since you don’t have any songs of your own). And someone whispered to me, "Sing 'Bridge Over Troubled Water.'" (‘Cause you knew they would’ve appreciated a “glory” note *eye roll*) And so I got through maybe a line of the song before the kids started laughing at me so hard (I would’ve too!). They'd never heard any music like that before in their lives (uhm, NOOOO, they had never heard someone so crappy in their lives). So I've made it a point when I take these trips to never sing (I thought these were “mission” trips and NOT self-serving ones, humm).

YAHOO! MUSIC: Maybe someday you'll get a request. (Hopefully NOT)

CLAY: Maybe next time I take a trip I'll make it a point to learn a native song. (No, maybe you need to educate yourself about the country before you open your mouth!)

YAHOO! MUSIC: Do you have a favorite story of any of the people you met in Afghanistan or a moment during your trip that touched you the most? (Oh Lawd! Here we go, pull out the violins)

CLAY: One of the things that stuck with me more than anything else was just the hunger, the thirst for education. I mean, these kids wanted to go to school (no shit! You’re soooo observant). My social studies teacher [who accompanied me on the trip]--she was quite jealous (Oh Faiken, everyone is always jealous of you, aren’t they?). She's been teaching for 30 years and she's never had a class full of students who wanted to be there as much as these kids in Afghanistan wanted to be there.

YAHOO! MUSIC: How has your work with UNICEF influenced your music? What do you take back with you? (The money it brings him from his cult followers under the guise of UNICEF/BAF)

CLAY: Every time I come back from these situations, you take a look at what's important to you (money, money, manhunt, and more money), and how privileged we are, and it's easy to take that back. But it's important to remember that we have to be a proactive society (and…and we all know how much you give back. Oh wait, we don’t!) . It's interesting to me to look at Afghanistan and realize that there are countries all around the world that we haven't looked at because they haven't affected us and yet, one of these days it's possible that one of them could affect us. Had we taken a hard look at the needs of women and children in Afghanistan in 1996, it's possible that we could have prevented September 11, 2001. (WHOA! REALLY???? You mean Osama would have been grateful to the USA and not planned Sept. 11??? DAYUM! Why didn’t you tell Bush to send you over instead of bombing the WRONG country????? You would’ve sang a few “If you’re happy and you know it“ type songs and then close with “All is Well”. Who would’ve’ “thunk” it??)

YAHOO! MUSIC: How did it feel to be an American in Afghanistan? Were you welcomed in the towns you visited?

CLAY: One of the main things to remember is that people in Afghanistan did not like the Taliban, either. I was worried going in, imagining what I was going to be involved with and what I was going to find myself running into (Color me confused, but your sentence doesn’t make sense. Why were you worried then, you are NOT Taliban so why would you be afraid? OH I see!! You were disguised as a Taliban reject so you were afraid of their reaction. Oh, Okay. Well, apparently all it did was making them laugh, so you survived. *eye roll*). But, it was quite different. The people were nothing but hospitable, they were completely welcoming and so wonderful. We really just had nothing but a warm welcome everywhere. I thought [Kabul] was going to be a lot more antiquated. It's a bustling metropolis (We could tell, you stood out like a sore thumb, LOL!). There was wireless internet in our hotel, glass elevators; it was right inside a shopping mall like we'd see in the U.S. It's not some sort of deprived and destitute city like I expected to see. (Imagine that! They were actually “modern”. What can I say? It goes back to your statement at the beginning about people who stereotype, like you did. I’m telling you Faiken, it’s ALL about STUDYING your SUBJECT. Remember? Isn’t that the focus of all “teachers”? (Oh right, you are just a teacher, “technically”. Sorry, my bad.)

YAHOO! MUSIC: I saw in pictures of you that you'd changed your looks a bit to fit in there.

CLAY: I wanted to be culturally respectful to the country and the people there. It's kind of part of their culture to be bearded and to be dressed appropriately (AHHHH, DUH! BEFORE the Taliban was eliminated).

But that again is kind of part of the stereotype about Afghanistan, but there's quite a bit of what I guess we'd call "Western" attire in the country. (Don’t you feel like a fool now, Faiken?)

YAHOO! MUSIC: How can young people get involved?

CLAY: Learn about the things! (Like you DIDN’T do). You have to be educated about what's going on in your world. You have to know the problems. Poverty and hunger are only the effects of larger problems. (AAAHHHH, DUH!)

YAHOO! MUSIC: Why is it important for celebrities to be the face of UNICEF?

CLAY: I haven't necessarily heard too much negative, but I think the main problem is the media's attention. We are a society that only pays attention to in the media . (Don’t you know it, you media WHORE!)

We put too much emphasis on celebrities (coming from you, that’s funny).

And even though I am one and I don't mind the attention every once in a while (as I said, MEDIA WHORE), it's sad that you have to have a celebrity to bring attention to these causes. (Have you read about OTHER ambassadors that have made a difference and were NOT media whores????)

YAHOO! MUSIC: Do you still watch American Idol, and do you have an opinion on who's going to win this season?

CLAY: No comment. (…because those SOB’s didn’t invite me to the event and *I* am the most charitable and most philanthropic and most qualified person to take money off people. They missed on all that! I was able to get $180 *didn’tevenmakeadent* thousand dollars off my mates, imagine what I could’ve made if I had been there!!! My mates are millionaires and would’ve given up their inheritances, trust funds. Poker winnings, etc. for me, I mean, “the cause”)

So, as you can see the “former teacher” did not have all his P’s and Q’s when he planned his visit to Afghanistan. Then in his arrogance, he has the nerve to attack an organization for doing what he advised everyone to do, “to be proactive”. So what is it Faiken? If they had invited you to IGB you would’ve been praising the hell out of them while giving yourself part of the credit for the money collected, but since they didn’t you accuse them of not knowing what they’re talking about or what the countries need? Tell it to UNICEF because like RG stated in the previous blog, “UNICEF you have been punk’ed!"