Thursday, August 9, 2007

Clay Makes a Boob of Himself in Magazine Interview

The Magazine for Men Who Have Something to Get Off Their Chests

September 2007

COVER STORY: An Uplifting Interview with Clay Aiken

Meet Clay Aiken. Raleigh native. Former teacher. American Idol runner-up. And no stranger to gynecomastia. "I spent my life being embarrassed," the singer sadly admits. "Often I'd wear two, three, even four shirts at a time. People wondered if I had something to hide. I did."

Ever since high school, Aiken had been ashamed of his oversized chest. "It wasn't too bad during all those long, long years I was a teacher" (Aiken refuses to say exactly how many years he actually spent teaching) "but when I became famous as a result of American Idol, things got really out of hand. My fans began analyzing every photo of me. I cringed each time I saw a picture of my chest on the message boards and was furious when my fans, the Claymates, began referring to my ‘cloobies.’" Though disgusted and angry by the terminology, Aiken admits that he did go ahead and trademark the term "cloobies."

A recent weight gain didn't help. "My spirits were really sagging," says Aiken, "and so were my...cloobies."

The top-heavy Aiken began to experiment with chest-binding, but a disastrous performance of "All is Well" at a Christmas concert put an end to that. "I couldn't hit the glory note at the end," he says. "I started to sing the word 'well' and felt the duct tape I’d wrapped around my chest start to rip loose. That last note ended up sounding like a Tarzan yell." Faced with the prospect of more "Tarzan yells" in his summer concert series, Aiken admits, "I was flat-out scared. Well, maybe 'flat' is the wrong word. But I knew I couldn't keep singing with my chest wrapped in thirty yards of tape. My entertainment career would go bust."

That's what Aiken decided to take matters into his own hands. "Rather than be ashamed of this issue, I decided to come out of the closet...I mean, in terms of my appearance.” Over the break between concert tours, Aiken designed a number of form-fitting undergarments that keep his "cloobies" securely in place and prevent them from interfering with his glory notes. "Now I'm proud to take off my jacket during my TV medley and do the George Jefferson dance," says Aiken, who refuses to call his new undergarments "brassieres" or "bras" because "those things are for women and I'm not into women. Their clothes, I mean." Aiken admits that each of his undergarments is a little different, with some covering his "cloobies" while others emphasis his pigeon chest with if-you’ve-got-it-why-not-flaunt-it abandon. "I get a kick out of reading the fan boards," he titters. "One night they’ll post pictures of me and it looks like I'm wearing a Double D and the next night it looks like I'm flat as a board. My chest has been going up and down like the stock market all summer. I like to keep my mates guessing."

But now Aiken has decided to market his undergarments to other men with cloobies. "Although, technically other men can't HAVE cloobies," said Aiken, "since I trademarked the word for myself. I'M the only one with cloobies!" But he does have words of advice for other top-heavy guys: "Sometimes you’ve just got to make the ‘breast’ of a bad situation!" What about men who will knock him for reveling in his large chest? “Those are knockers I choose to ignore,” he states with determination.

In the above pictorial, Aiken models some of his latest creations "for men only."

Photo one is the Mezghan Model Undergarment that provides real support for real men. Aiken used his own hands and shaved arms as the model for this ultra-strong item. Comes in bronze, silver, and stainless steel and should not be worn through airport security lines.

Photo two is a "soft and lacy undergarment" with extra cushiony support. "When I wore the Mezghan Model while doing the When Doves Cry dance with my back-up singer, she came away with bruises on her back." This extra comfortable model is scented like "fresh laundry" and comes in a variety of colors including Manhunter Mauve, Paulus Peach, and VSG Violet.

Photo three shows the sexy and slimming full-body corset which provides needed support above and hides midriff bulge below on those days when one Krispy Kreme just isn't enough.

All of Clay Aiken's undergarments can be purchased at his concert souvenier booth and the Clederick's of Hollywood catalog.