Hey Clay, Want to Play 20 Questions?

1) When was the last time you spoke to your "good friend" Ruben?

2) What was the real reason you were thrown out of your grandmother's funeral?

3) What did you actually ingest before passing out at McDonald's in Slovenia?

4) How much of "Lover All Alone" did you write?

5) What ever happened to that contest you blogged about...? Something about three-legged gorillas and getting abducted by turnips...?

6) Since you promised never to change or "go Hollywood," how do you explain the ear-pinning, teeth-bonding, arm-waxing, and breast reduction procedures?

7) Tell the truth: did you only dress as Cher that one time, or have you continued doing it...maybe late at night...when you've had one too many Paxils...and no one's watching....?

8) Did you ever personally make amends with John Paulus?

9) Whose idea was that covers CD anyway -- yours or Clive's?

10) You graduated from college at age 26. Were you just a little slow or are there some "missing years" in the life of Clayton Holmes Grissom that even your most devoted mats don't know about?

11) The goat. The cat. Those weren't accidents, were they?

12) When was the last time you logged on to Manhunt.com?

13) When you claim that you were a teacher "for so long" or "for so many years," are you just trying to perpetuate a myth or do you now actually believe it?

14) Are you still friends with Nick?

15) How many meetings of the President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities have you actually attended?

16) Why did you tell Diane Bubel that you wrote the Josh Groban song "To Where You Are" when nothing could be further from the truth?

17) Do you ever read http://www.clayaikenfraudsquad.blogspot.com/ and find yourself nodding in agreement at some of our comments?

18) What do you regard as the biggest embarrassment of your generally embarraassing concert career: "Sleigh Ride," "Sexyback," or the "TV themes medley"?

19) Have you ever donated any money (say over $5000) to the BAF or any other charitable organization?

20) Do you believe that you will someday be held accountable for all your lies and manipulations, either in this life or the next?