Clay Aiken Fraud Squad

Tribute to Jaymes Foster

2008-05-29T23:58:00.003-04:00

It seems like the rumor of her pregnancy is true as it has spread all over the media. Us haters want to extend our most sincere CONGRATULATIONS to Jaymes Foster for embracing the honorable position of "Baby Mama" and in her name and all "Baby Mamas" of the world , we dedicate this song to them...

FS Under New Management

2007-09-18T18:52:00.000-04:00

Moved to http://clayaikenfraudsquadrevisited.blogspot.com

REUNITED : The Secret E-mails

2007-09-10T01:15:00.000-04:00

News of the upcoming "Reunited Tour," starring Ruben Studdard, Kimberley Locke, and Clay Aiken may have come as a shock to many fans, but here at the Fraud Squad we've been secretly following this story for some time. In fact, one of our sources has been providing us with some of the e-mails that have been ricocheting back and forth between Ruben's computer in Alabama, Kim's computer in California, and Clay's computer in whatever city his latest Manhunt hook-up lives. We cannot print all of these private e-mails at this time, but can offer a selection of notes on a variety of topics.

NAMING THE TOUR

To: KLo@aol.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com
Subject: Will this tour have a name?

How about calling it the "AI2 Final Three Reunion"?

To: RubenS@hotmail.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: Will this tour have a name?

How about :"Reunited"?

To: RubenS@hotmail.com, KLo@aol.com
From: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
Subject: Re: Will This tour have a name?

What's wrong with "An Evening with Clay Aiken...and Friends"?

*****

COSTUMES

To: KLo@aol.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com
Subject: What should we wear?

Think we should dress formal or informal? Now that I've lost weight and Clay has gained weight, I'm afraid he'll start borrowing my clothes.

To: RubenS@hotmail.com
From: KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: What should we wear?

I know how you feel. That was always a problem back when I lived with him too.

*****

REHEARSALS

To: KLo@aol.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: Rubens@hotmail.com
Subject: Rehearsal time

We need to book a rehearsal hall. How many days do you think we'll need? I usually like to rehearse for 3-4 weeks.

To: RubenS@hotmail.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: Rehearsal time

I usually rehearse between six and eight hours a day for two to three weeks.

To: RubenS@hotmail.com, KLo@aol.com
From: Skippermagree@manhunt.com
Subject: Re: Rehearsal time

I usually need about one afternoon for rehearsal...and most of that time is spent writing up the cue cards with my song lyrics on them.

*****

SINGING THE HITS

To: KLo@aol.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com
Subject: Song list

Before we decide what songs we'll each be singing, I guess we should make a list of our radio hits that the fans will be expecting us to sing. For me, that means singing Flying without Wings, Superstar, Sorry 2004, I Need an Angel, and Make Ya Feel Beautiful.

To: RubenS@hotmail.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: Song list

That means I'll be singing Eighth World Wonder, Wrong, I Could, Band of Gold, and Supawoman.

To: RubenS@hotmail.com, KLo@aol.com
From: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
Subject: Re: Song list.

I'll be singing Invisible.

*****

OTHER SONGS

To: KLo@aol.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com
Subject: Song list

I think we should probably each do another 6-8 solo numbers. I guess I'll feature original songs from my new album that's coming out in a couple months.

To RubenS@hotmail.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: Song list

I have quite a few numbers I can choose from my next album too.

To: RubenS@hotmail.com, KLo@aol.com
From: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
Subject: Re: Song list

My new covers album, Clay Aiken Sings the Celine Dion Songbook, will be released by January, so I'll have plenty to choose from as well.

*****

VENUE DEMANDS

To: KLo@aol.com, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com
Subject: Any requirements?

Do you guys have any special requirements/needs at each venue? They want us to submit a list.

Speaking for myself, I like a fresh vegetable tray and some bottled water...if it's not too much trouble for the venue.

To: RubenS@hotmail, Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: Any requirements?

I'd like to have several bottles of soda pop -- both diet and regular -- available for backstage guests. If the venue can't afford this, I will give someone $20 plus a tip to run out and get it. Thanks.

To: RubenS@hotmail, KLo@aol.com
From Skippermagee@manhunt.com
Subject: Re: Any requirements?

REQUIRE: Hot breakfast to include scrambled eggs and omelet station (FOOD PREPARED PREVIOUS NIGHT IS UNACCEPTABLE; ALL FOOD MUST BE FRESHLY PREPARED!)

REQUIRE: Bacon, sausage, home fries, PLUS one entree selection (French toast, pancakes, waffles, crepes, egg muffins, etc.)

REQUIRE: Assorted breads included white, wheat, and raisin, muffins, donuts, pop-tarts, and bagels.

REQUIRE: Milk (whole, 2%), soy milk (including chocolate soy milk, and regular soy milk), assorted sodas, water and juices.

Actually, rather than include all my demands here, I'll just have Uncle Jess fax over the entire document, since it's 30 pages not including the confidentiality agreements that everyone on the tour will have to sign -- including you two.

******

FEARS

To: KLo@aol.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com
Subject: The Unspoken Issue

Which one of us is going to talk to Clay about wearing Odor Eaters and keeping his feet off our bus seats?

To: RubenS@hotmail.com
From: KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re; The Unspoken Issue

I'll gladly talk to him about that. MY biggest fear is that he's going to try to write a script for this show and insist I put on a wig and play the part of "Miss Beverly"!

To: TheQueenMother@aol.com
From: WWJD@aol.com
Subject: Help!

Mama, what am I going to do if Kim and Ruben try to upstage me? The show is going to be divided into four parts (three solo sections and then one section where we all sing together) which means I only get one quarter turn to shine on my own. They're going to be singing all their hits, plus brand new original songs, and all I've got to sing is dumb old "Invisible," plus Celine's "My Heart Will Go On," even though I can't sing that high anymore without Quiana to hit the top notes for me. What am I doing to do?

To: WWJD@aol.com
From: TheQueenMother@aol.com
Subject: Re: Help!

Clayton, you have nothing to worry about. Do Ruben and Kim have the Claymates? Do they have "Flat Clay" or the Clambulance? Did they single-handedly save a TV show the way you and your followers saved Jericho? I think not! Now you just leave everything to Mama and have a Jesus Day!

To: Claymateprivatelistserve@aol.com
From: TheQueenMother@aol.com
Subject: We Need Your Help!

To Chexxxy, Corabeth, ScooterOKC, Shred, and all of Clay's Other Angels,

This is Mama Faye, writing to ask ya'll a big favor. As you know, Clayton is about to embark on a new tour with Ruben "Sweaty" Studdard and Kim "Pudge" Locke. I hope you appreciate that little joke, but let's just keep it between ourselves, 'kay? Anyway, this tour is going to be called "Reunited," though I'm sure ya'll agree with me that "An Evening with Clay Aiken..and Friends" is much more appropriate. Personally, I'm calling it the "Oreo Tour" for obvious reasons. (Let's just keep that little joke between ourselves too, 'kay?) Little Clayton has confided in me that he's quite afraid of being upstaged by the other two performers. I think we should see to it that that never happens. I know that quite a few of you gals like to knit (and you too, Scooter!) Well, I was thinking it might be quite amusing if ya'll pulled out your knitting whenever Kim or Ruben sing. Let them know you're a littled bored with their dumb old songs by staring at your knitting the whole time they are singing and clicking those knitting needles as loud as you can. I am NOT encouraging you to boo their performances. I would never do that. That decision rests solely with you. If you feel they deserve to be booed, well, I cannot stop you from expressing your opinion. Let's show Clayton a lot of love on this tour (nothing says love like a glowstick!), so make sure that "Sweaty" and "Pudge," (now, remember, keep that little joke between us, 'kay?) know you're all REALLY there to see Clayton!

Have a Jesus Day,

Your "Mama" Faye

*****

THE "CLAYMATE ISSUE"

To: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com, KLo@aol.com
Subject: One potential problem

Clay -- Kim and I are also a little worried about your fans. According to what we've heard, they were quite rude to Kelly C. during your dual tour -- either turning their backs when she sang or trying to talk right over her singing. Can we have your assurance this won't happen on the Reunited Tour? Someone said you had devised a hand signal that quiets them when they get too excited...?

To: RubenS@hotmail, KLo@aol.com
From : Skippermagee@manhunt.com
Subject: Re: One potential problem

Sorry, the hand signal only works when I use it.

You'll just have to accept that where I go, the Claymates go. They're part of the package.

It's a pretty simple deal: if you do right by me, they won't kick your butt.

To: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: One potential problem

Is that some kind of threat?

To: RubenS@hotmail, KLo@aol.com
From: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
Subject: Re: One potential problem

It's not a threat, it's a fact. You have to understand, the fans get a little concerned when they think some people are taking a step backwards in their career to tour with certain other people....

To: Skippermageee@manhunt.com
From RubenS@hotmail.com, KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: One potential problem

Wait a second, Kim and I never said we felt like we were taking a step backward to include you in this tour!

To: RubenS@hotmail.com
From: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
Subject: Re : One potential problem

I was talking about ME taking a step backward to tour with YOU!!! Haven't you been reading the cellcert reports of my summer tour series? According to the cellcerts, every venue was sold out, plus we attracted a lot of men and teenagers.

To: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com, KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: One potential problem

No, we didn't read any cellcert reports. We don't even know what a "cellcert" is. We read about your summer tour series in the trade papers, and they all said you barely had 40% attendance in your home town.

To: RubenS@hotmail.com, KLo@aol.com
From: Skippermagee@manhunt.com
Subject: Re: One potential problem

Oh don't you know all those trade papers are written by hatahs and Kelly Clarkson fans! You can only get the truth from my cellcerts. And if you don't know what a cellcert is, you should! After all, I copyrighted and trademarked the term!

*****

A NEW DIRECTION

To: KLo@aol.com
From: RubenS@hotmail.com
Subject: Our tour

How do you like this name for the tour: REUNITED, STARRING RUBEN STUDDARD AND KIM LOCKE.

To: RubenS@hotmail.com
From: KLo@aol.com
Subject: Re: Our tour

I love it! Just the two of us. No drama, no divas, no Claymates and NO CLAY!

The Mats vs. The Medicine Chest

2007-09-07T21:47:00.000-04:00

It would be hard to find two groups of people more different than the Claymates and the Fraud Squad.

Members of the Fraud Squad have been described as articulate, intelligent, thoughtful, individualistic, opinionated, discerning, humorous, perceptive, brilliant, intellectual, enlightened, hardworking, deep-thinking, and good in bed. (Actually, I just threw that last one in to see if anyone was still paying attention.)

The Claymates are generally described as crazy...and...and...well, that’s about it.

But to get a true sense of how the two groups differ, we should probably compare their reactions to the same situation. Which group comes off looking more intelligent, humorous, and thoughtful? Which group comes off looking like a collection of crazed cult members?

You decide.

1. Perez Hilton appears on Jimmy Kimmel’s Show and makes a disparaging remark about Clay Aiken.

Mat reaction : He’s a pig! He’s a pig and he must be slaughtered like a pig!

Fraud Squad reaction : My, that Perez Hilton is quite perspicacious!

2. Jimmy Kimmel continues the interview.

Mat reaction : I can’t believe Jimmy didn’t throw that pig off the set! You know Jimmy and Clay are bestest friends. Clay is Jimmy’s go-to guest whenever someone cancels at the last minute.

Fraud Squad reaction : Just like Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly used to be Johnny Carson’s go-to guests and Richard Simmons is David Letterman’s current go-to guest. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

3. Someone at the CB decides the Claynation must take a stand!

Mat reaction : Let’s buy a new chair for Jimmy Kimmel’s set; we don’t want Clay sitting on the same seat that pig sullied.

Fraud Squad reaction : Oh please! Clay didn’t even sit down on one of those chairs the last time he appeared on Kimmel’s show. He was mounted on top of an animal with an erection.

4. Oh, was JP there?

Mat reaction : La-la-la-la-la! I can’t hear you!

Fraud Squad reaction : Actually, we don’t talk about him anymore either.

5. The Mats plan a fundraiser to buy a chair.

Mat reaction : Let’s use the motto “Give Till it Hurts!”

Fraud Squad reaction : Ironic. That’s also Clay’s pick-up line on Manhunt.com.

6. The Mats plot how they’ll earn the money for the chair.

Mat reaction : I’ll have my eight-year-old daughter cut back on her insulin shots to save money. Clay’s been so good to us -- he deserve that new chair!

Fraud Squad reaction : Does someone have the number for the child abuse hotline?

7. The Claynation decides to have “Clay’s Special Seat” monogrammed.

Mat reactions : “How about we monogram it: HOME FOR HIS HEAVENLY HEINIE?”

“I know! we can make it rhyme: “Clayby, if you want to rest your cheeks, here’s the place / And, no, we’re not talking about the cheeks on your face.”

“How about A THRONE FOR OUR KING OF HEARTS?”

“How about we draw a picture of Perez Hilton and put a line across it, and underneath we’ll write NO PIGS ALLOWED?”

Fraud Squad reaction : Another helpful phone number is 1-800-INSANE ASYLUM.

8. The Mats debate what kind of chair they should buy.

Mat reaction : Well, there needs to be plenty of “Waldo room” in front, plus an area where Clayby can stretch out his long, lean, muscular legs in front of him. And in order for Clay to “banter” with both his bestest friend Jimmy and any guest sitting on his right, the chair should turn from side to side.

Fraud Squad reaction : Make sure the chair can at least make quarter turns. That’s very important to Clay.

9. Jimmy Kimmel announces that Clay will be appearing on his show next Thursday.

Mat reaction : Dancing bananas, dancing bananas, thud-thud-thud.

Fraud Squad reaction : Oh no, Gary Coleman must have cancelled his appearance.

10. The upper echelon of the Claynation has a private meeting to decide how to present the chair at the Kimmel show.

Mat reaction : So, Corabeth and Scooter are going to decorate the chair with a hundred mylar balloons, then Chexxxy’s going to do the presentation, then Oklahoman’s going to sing the national anthem and lead us all in the pledge of allegiance (“I pledge allegiance to us hags of the United States of American and to the republic for which we stand, one Claynation, etc., etc.”) and then Clay will slowly lower himself into the waiting seat while we all scream and scream and scream.

Fraud Squad reaction : OMG.

11. On the big night, Jimmy pulls a fast one, having Perez Hilton run out and jump into the new chair before Clay sits down in it.

Fraud Squad reaction : Actually, it was pretty funny how Perez grabbed the seat first and then Clay sat in his lap for the rest of the interview.

Mat reaction : That wasn’t Clay. It was an imposter! I bet it was Thom York in disguise. Or someone wearing a Clay mask. Or, or maybe they just photoshopped Clay onto the screen like they did all that stuff in Forrest Gump. It was trick photography -- no doubt!

Choking Down Some Chicken Soup

2007-09-06T20:13:00.000-04:00

Tales of Faith, Hope, and Inspiration by Contestants Who Have Appeared on the Country’s Favorite Television Program -- American Idol

Singing While They Sneered
by Kelly Clarkson

A year after I won the first American Idol competition, I was invited to tour the country with a contestant who had appeared on the second season of the show. Although he was not that season’s winner, he had developed a large fan base and my management team felt a dual tour would be beneficial to both of our careers.

I must admit, the two of us did not hit it off. I’m a friendly person, interested in meeting people and getting to visit various places in this great country. My traveling companion was more interested in gossip than conversation and preferred watching repeats of The Golden Girls and The Facts of Life on his portable television to looking at the majestic mountains and wide-open prairies outside our bus windows. He also had a hygiene problem and would place his bare, dirty feet on the armrest of my seat. Worst of all: he had obnoxious fans who would ostentatiously put on earphones and turn their backs when I sang during my half of the concert. I thought my touring partner would put an end to this by telling his fans to behave, but instead he encouraged it! Sometimes as I sang, I would see him in the wings wearing his own set of earphones and laughing at me. Other times he’d go down into the audience as I sang and lead his fans in shouting HIS name, thereby drowning out my songs. One night he actually suggested that I cut several numbers from my set because “most of the people in the audience are hear to see me, not you.”

That night I went on stage with tears in my eyes, barely able to choke out the lyrics to my songs. As I looked at all those backs facing me, I vowed that I would someday produce an album so popular that no one would ever turn their back on me again.

Within a year I had recorded that album. It sold over twelve million copies and won me a Grammy. Whenever I am down or depressed, I think about that tour and the vow I made on stage that night. I know that if I could perform before such a hostile audience, I can do anything!

* * *

My Number 2 Hit
by Carrie Underwood

I was the American Idol winner! Wow! I couldn’t have been more excited!

Soon I had a hit single going up the record charts like a speeding bullet. Every morning I’d get up and check to see how my record fared on Amazon.com. One day it was 52...the next it was 27...then 13...then 4...then 2. But it stayed in the number 2 position for week after week.

At first I could not figure it out, then someone showed me a website run by fans of a former American Idol runner-up. Encouraged by this runner-up and his mother, these fans had started a campaign to buy an old single of his in multiple quantities in order to keep me off the top of the charts. “This will prove who the true American Idol is!” they said over and over on their website.

I was heartbroken! I was deprived of having my first single become a number one hit all because of their jealousy. That’s when I began praying about this problem. “Jesus, take the wheel,” I prayed, “I’ll let You guide my career in whatever direction You see fit. Number one or number two, I don’t care. ...And please give this other contestant the kind of career he deserves as well.”

It worked! Time has passed and I have had several number one hits, but my nemesis can’t get a song on the charts no matter how many copies his fans buy. His latest album was a series of cover songs and, rumor has it, he will soon lose his recording contract. I imagine it won’t belong until he’s reduced to parking cars in San Fernando Valley.

If I ever show up at an awards show and see this gentleman parking cars, I will not laugh at him or scorn him. I’ll just hand him the keys to my Mercedes and say, “Clesus, take the wheel. And don’t scratch the exterior, hon, or you won’t get a tip.”

* * *

He Said He Could Teach Me
by Fantasia (as told to Jack Canfield)

Every week I would appear on American Idol as if I didn't have a care in the world. Most people were unaware that I had a big secret. I could not read.

One day as I was pretending to scribble my name on the studio sign-in sheet, the runner-up from the past season noticed my problem and told me he would teach me to read and write. He said he had been a teacher "for years and years." I thought I could trust him.

I did not know he was a prankster and the devil in disguise.

First he taught me to write my name. I was so proud! But when I signed it the way he showed me -- F A R T A S I A -- everyone began laughing.

Then he taught me to write a simple sentence. He said the sentence said “Ruben is cool.” But this is how he told me to spell it: RUBEN IS SWEATY.

Then he had me write the sentence “Clay came in second” but he spelled it this way: CLAY WAS THE TRUE WINNER.

When someone saw my practice sentences, they said that this former contestant was playing me for a fool. I immediately kicked him to the curb and found a new teacher. I am learning slowly, but soon I’ll be able to read and write.

The main thing this “teacher” taught me is that there are mean and jealous people in this world that I should avoid. And that sometimes someone will pretend to be your friend, but they really aren’t. When that happens, you spell the word “friend” like this: L O S E R!

* * *

I Had the Last Laugh
by “Keith”

My name is Keith. You may not remember me from American Idol. I didn’t win. I didn’t even make the top twelve. The only time you saw me was during try-outs, when I auditioned for Simon, Randy, and Paula singing “Like a Virgin,” complete with dance moves.

They showed that clip over and over on TV. It was a hit on Youtube. Everyone said I was a laughingstock.

I wondered if I’d ever live it down.

Then this past summer, a former American Idol runner-up went on tour and also performed “Like a Virgin.” He used my same dance moves. But he sounded even worse than I did. AND he did it in front of a symphony orchestra!

Soon HE was the laughingstock of Youtube and people forgot about me.

I am here to tell all of you who are facing bad times that no matter how awful you feel, no matter how badly you screw up...take heart! Eventually someone will come along and make an even bigger jackass out of himself and your problems will seem small in comparison.

* * *

I Had the Last Laugh
by William Hung

I am William Hung -- ha, ha!!! Maybe you laugh when I sing “La Vida Loca” on American Idol -- ha, ha!!! Maybe you laugh when I get record contract and put out album of cover songs -- ha, ha!!! But guess what? Big time Clay Aiken end up recording cover album too -- ha, ha!!! And he don’t get played on radio either! Now who’s got the last laugh -- ha, ha!!!

Now Clay wishes he was Hung.

But his nude webcam photos say otherwise -- ha, ha, ha!!!

* * *

I Once was Lost, But Now I’m Found
by Ruben Studdard

It was the biggest night of my life. I had just been crowned the winner of American Idol! But then the moment was ruined. Instead of a hug or a handshake, my main competitor made a rude remark that was heard by not just me, but all fifty million people watching the finale: "I'll beat you on the charts, Ruben."

The next months were very busy, as I recorded the songs formy first CD. “How does it feel to be the American Idol winner?” I was asked in interview after interview. Frankly, I wasn’t feeling like much of a winner. My main competitor had developed a very large fan base (some might say cult) and these women were harrassing me and my family on a daily basis. Racist comments about me appeared on various websites, and my former friend never asked his fans to stop. Sometimes the phone would wake me in the middle of the night and I’d hear his voice: “I’ll beat you on the charts, Ruben!” Was it a fan playing a tape of his finale-night remarks or was it actually him calling and taunting me? Was it live or was it Memorex? I don’t know and I don’t want to know.

What I do know is that when our recordings were released, his fans went on a buying spree, often purchasing eight or more copies each. They went into stores and moved his CD to a prominent space and hid mine behind the Lawrence Welk records. Then they started campaigns to give his CD to overseas troops, elderly people in nursing homes, and inmates in prisons across the country. The final straw was when they sent copies to every school for the deaf in the United States. You gotta wonder about that. Yes, he did beat me on the charts and soon, wherever I went, his fans would show up mocking me and making the “Loser” hand signal (using their extended index finger and thumb to create the letter L.) He had trained them well.

I really did begin to feel like a loser at that point.

Then one night I was looking at some record reviews my mom had clipped from various newspapers and magazines. And I realized that my CD had gotten great reviews, while my former friend’s CD was not well-received. Soon I was nominated for a Grammy, but my competitor’s name was not on the nominations list.

I realized that I really was a winner in many ways. In fact, I began to feel so good about myself that I actually lost 100 pounds! The last time I saw my former friend, it looked like he was well on his way to finding them. I also couldn’t help but note that his second “covers” album was a critical and popular flop, and that his concerts were being supported by the same 500 women who followed him from city to city.

If that’s what he calls “winning,” then I’m glad to call myself a loser.

* * *

My Words of Advice
by Clay Aiken

Anybody in this business has a responsibility. I know this is going to sound cheesy but, when you get in a position where people are watching you on TV or listening to you on the radio, you have a responsibility not just to entertain them but to society, too. The most important responsibility a celebrity has is to set an example and be a role model. I want to make sure that no matter how long I go through this, I don't fall into the trap of changing and modifying how I do things that aren't a positive example. I want to remain somebody that the entire family can listen to or watch. I have no problem saying I want to be a role model. And if anyone questions my wholesome behavior, my integrity, or my genuineness, then they should kindly shut the fuck up.

Think Globally, Advertise Locally

2007-09-06T00:12:00.000-04:00

So it has come to this. Clay Aiken is now doing advertisements for local merchants.

Here's the ad he did for his dentist: http://www.smilecary.com/why-choose-us/in-the-news/clay-aiken.php

Undoubtedly, Clay's American Idol dream included the goal of being an advertising "spokesmodel" for all kinds of famous products:

"When my hands get chapped from greeting so many people at my busline, I reach for Vaseline Intensive Care. And it has SO MANY uses!" (Big wink at camera.)

or

"Why do I stay at Quality Inn? Because they make me feel like I'm tops!" (Gives big ol' Freudian thumbs up signal.)

or

"Sometimes I feel like a Manwich, if ya know what I mean!" (Gives camera a faux-innocent smile.)

But it was not to be. Clay's lack of radio play, his weird fans, and his creepy persona have prevented him from getting any contracts with national advertisers. Still, it comes as a surprise to see him doing ads for this local dentist in Raleigh. How could any dentist afford to pay a superstah salary? We think Henrietta Hater came up with the best theory:

***The phone will be ringing off the hook with new patients, and most of them won't even be local residents. "Hello, dental office? I want to make an appointment. I live in Pocatello, Idaho but I want to get my teeth done there in Raleigh because you were highly recommended by a member of my extended family, Clay Aiken...Yeah, he's a member of my family...sort of. See, I've been to 92 of his concerts, and he took my cell phone once in Philadelphia and said hello to my Aunt Irma. And he always tells us we're all part of his family. What? Oh no, it won't cost me a dime to travel there! I have 35,807,963 frequent flyer miles to redeem."***

Yes, Clay can always be counted on to bring in the mats. (At this very moment a mat in Kansas City is trying to loosen one of her front teeth with a pair of pliers. Another mat in Tampa, Florida is systematically scraping the enamel off her teeth with a fork. Another is poking a paperclip up into her gums. By tomorrow morning, they will all have appointments with Clay's own dentist!) Just think: if this dentist offers Clayton a $1 kickback for every new patient that shows up -- from Pocatello to Pittsburgh -- Clay will soon be rolling in dough.

In fact, doing local advertisements may prove so lucrative that we'll see Clay advertising all kinds of products and services:

ABBOTT'S HAT SHOP
When stardom went to Clay Aiken's head and his hat size increased four sizes, we were right there to adjust his old hats and show him the latest in big hats for big heads!

JUAN'S MEXICALI MEALS
Come to Clay Aiken's favorite Mexican restaurant for the best dry, paste-y, refried mess you ever sank your teeth into!

AMY'S SALON
When Clay Aiken needs a full-body wax, he drops into Amy's Salon for our special American Idol deal. $10 per appendage!

MR. LESLIE'S FLORIST
Ever put your hand over someone's mouth and then regretted it? Or needed to apologize for putting your stinkin' size 13 foot where it didn't belong? For those times in life when you need to send an "I'm Sorry Bouquet," contact Mr. Leslie, Clay's Favorite Florist!

TOM'S TANNING SALON
Clay Aiken says, "Tan so dark that the only thing we'll be able to see are your teeth!"

DEWEY AND SONS FUNERAL HOME
"I've been kicked out of some of the best funeral homes in Raleigh," says singer Clay Aiken, "but none lovelier or more attentive to your needs in times of sorrow than Dewey and Sons."

BUSTER THE BAIL BONDSMAN
Been picked up the local sheriff? The state police? The FBI on an airplane even though you did nothing wrong and the other woman involved is just a big old bitch? If so, contact Clay's favorite bail bondsman: Buster!

MILLS' RECORD STORE
Where Clay Aiken goes for all his musical needs! Special Deal: Buy one Clay Aiken album for $160 and we'll give you seven FREE copies with it!

DR. MADISON, PODIATRIST
"My feet don't always smell like 'fresh laundry,'" says local superstar Clayton Aiken. "I go to Dr. Madison for soaking my feet in lye, scraping layers of dirt and dead skin and strange yet-to-be-identified-by-science fungi off my toes, and defumigating my size thirteens!" Stop on in for a free foot-shaped bookmark.

DR. PORTER, PROCTOLOGIST
Clay Aiken says, "After a night of cornholing, you might want to visit Dr. Porter! And when I've gotten up to my elbows in some mess, Dr. Porter is always there to help me out!

LEARNING TO SING : The Clay Aiken Story (Part 2)

2007-09-02T13:31:00.000-04:00

To read the first part of the Lifetime movie script, please see blog for Tuesday, August 28, 2007.

LEARNING TO SING : THE CLAY AIKEN STORY

A Lifetime Original Movie

Based on the memoir “Learning to Sing” by Clay Aiken and Alison Glock

Starring Dakota Fanning as Young Clay Grissom

kd lang as Clay Aiken, beginning at age 14

Dee Wallace Stone as Faye Parker

Christopher Walken as Ray Parker

Harry Dean Stanton as Vernon Grissom

Patti Labelle as Mrs. Watson

Directed by Alan Smithee

[Camera returns to CLAY in the dressing room of the Hollywood Bowl, looking at pictures in a scrapbook. There are several pictures of him with his new friends -- the former bullies -- as they play soccer, build a snowman, and go skinny-dipping in a local river. (Note: Please return latter picture to Mr. Aiken, as it comes from his private collection.) Voice-over by CLAY: “Yes, those were happy times. I finally had some friends, and at home I had a new baby brother. And it was around that time that I met another of those older women who were always among my biggest champions. Her name was Mrs. Watson.]

FLASHBACK: CLAY is singing “Yankee Doodle Dandy” at the local talent show. Mrs. Watson, a fashionable and fiftyish African American woman sits in the audience, one hand clapped over her mouth in awe of the child prodigy singing on the stage. Clay’s VOICE-OVER: Two days later, Mrs. Watson tried to track me down. Unfortunately, there was only one “Grissom” listed in the phone book...and that number belonged to my drunken, virulently racist sperm donor, Vernon Grissom.

[Interior shot of the hovel where VERNON GRISSOM lives. He is sleeping on a dirty couch, surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol. On the wall is a dartboard with a picture of Faye Parker glued to the front. (Note: please return dartboard to Clay Aiken, as it comes from his own personal gameroom.) When the telephone rings, VERNON wakes up with a hangover, and searches for the phone, knocking over bottles and empty pizza boxes.]

VERNON : Yeah?

MRS. WATSON : Hello! I don’t know if this is the right number or not, but I’m trying to reach Clayton Grissom.

VERNON : He don’t live here.

MRS. WATSON : Are you his father?

VERNON (a hacking laugh that leaves him breathless) : They call me...his sperm donor.

MRS. WATSON : Well, can you tell me where I can reach your little sperm donee, sir?

VERNON : Hey, wait a minute. Are you BLACK?

MRS. WATSON : Why yes, I am!

VERNON : This conversation is over, negress.

CLAY’S VOICEOVER : Vernon Grissom hated blacks. He hated Jews. He hated gays. And he hated me -- even though I was neither black nor Jewish. Luckily, Mrs. Watson was persistent. She called the school where the talent show was held and learned that I lived with my mother and stepfather, Faye and Ray Parker. Ray was listed in the phone book.

[The phone rings at the Parker home and FAYE PARKER answers it.]

FAYE : Have a Jesus Day! How may I help you?

MRS. WATKINS : I’m looking for a Clayton Grissom.

FAYE : Just a moment please. Clayton, there’s a woman on the phone who wants to talk to you.

CLAY : Women are icky.

FAYE : Someday you’ll change your mind about that. (She appraises him.) Or maybe not. But take the phone while I go fix Brett dinner.

CLAY : Hello?

MRS. WATKINS : Clayton, I’m Mrs. Watkins from the Boys’ Choir of Raleigh and I’d like you to audition for us.

CLAY (immediately begins singing) : “Somewhere, over the rainbow....”

MRS. WATKINS : No, honey, not over the phone. You’ll need to come down and sing for us in person.

[CLAY walks tenatively into the auditorium where the Boys’ Choir of Raleigh is rehearsing. The group is predominantly African American.]

MRS. WATKINS : Clayton, welcome! Did you bring your sheet music with you?

[CLAY hands his sheet music to the accompaniest and begins to sing.]

CLAY : Red and yellow and pink and green. Purple and orange and blue. I can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow too.

MRS. WATKINS (blotting her face with a handkerchief) : That is just...beautiful...dear.

CHOIR BOY #1 : He sings like a little girl.

CHOIR BOY #2 : And he doesn’t have any soul!

CLAY (angrily) : Oh yeah? (Hands more sheet music to the accompaniest.) Hit it! (Begins to dance around the stage while singing:)

The ink is black, the page is white
Together we learn to read and write.
A child is black, a child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight, a beautiful sight!

And now a child can understand
That this is the law of all the land, all the land.

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night,
A child is black, a child is white
Together they grow to see the light, to see the light.

And now at last we plainly see
We'll have a dance of Liberty, Liberty!

[Clay finishes by doing the splits and all the other choir boys gather around him, cheering, patting him on the back, and lifting him on their shoulders.]

MRS. WATKINS (triumphantly) : “That boy has some green-eyed soul in him and enough rocker to satisfy the most discriminating tastes!” Clayton Grissom, you are now the lead singer with the Boys’ Choir of Raleigh!

[This is followed by a montage of CLAY singing with the Choir. (Note : in all this snippets, Clay must be shown as singing lead vocals, as per the Lifetime contract with Mr. Aiken.) First he sings a few lines of “Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child,” while the other boys hum the background tune, then “Go Down, Moses,” followed by “God Bless the Child.” They finish with a spirited rendition of “Do-Re-Mi.” (Note: If Dakota Fanning cannot hit the final high note, please call in Quiana Parler for dubbing. Ms. Parler is known for singing the notes Mr. Aiken can’t reach in concert as well, and will probably do this for a minimal payment.) The choir’s rendition of “Do-Re-Mi” fades into just CLAY singing this song as he plays in his backyard with his family’s pet goat.]

CLAY: Listen Jimmy : “When you know the notes to sing, you can sing ‘most anything!” Aren’t I good? I can’t wait till our concert tomorrow. We’re even singing a special song about you goats in our “Sound of Music” medley. Want to hear it? “High on a hill was a lonely goatherd / Lay ee odl lay ee old lay hee hoo! / Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd / Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo!”

[With each line of the song, JIMMY THE GOAT bounds higher in the air, almost as if he’s dancing to the song. He romps back and forth across the yard, jumping high. On the last line, he runs toward the fence and leaps right over it. Suddenly there’s the sound-fx of brakes slamming and a crash. CLAY runs to the fence and sees JIMMY THE GOAT has been hit by a car. He runs out the gate and cradles JIMMY’s head in his lap.]

CLAY : Jimmy, Jimmy! Don’t die!

JIMMY : Bahhhh. (He dies.)

CLAY (crying) : It’s all my fault!

[The shadow of a man suddenly blocks the sunlight. It is RAY PARKER, CLAY’s abusive (but not racist) stepfather.]

RAY : It WAS all your fault, Clayton! I saw the whole thing out the back window! You killed Jimmy!!! Jimmy was my wedding gift to your mother! We were using his milk to feed Brett. Jimmy tended the grass in the backyard so I wouldn’t have to mow it. He was a dear and cherished member of our family. Next year I was going to slaughter him and sell the meat to send your mama to interior decorating school. And now look what you done!

[We hear the sounds of RAY punching and beating CLAY as the scene fades out; the scene fades in on MRS. WATKINS ministering to CLAY’s wounds much like his first music teacher did in the earlier section of the movie.]

MRS. WATKINS : Clayton, we can’t have you out there singing with two black eyes and all these bruises on your face.

CLAY : Not even with make-up to cover them? (He takes out a make-up box and tries to cover the bruises. It doesn’t work.) What if I use really dark make-up?

[Clay applies make-up to his face until he looks like he is African American.] CLAY’s VOICE OVER : Today they might call my actions racist. But it was just the opposite for me. I wasn’t making fun of anyone, nor was I putting anyone down. I wanted to BECOME black, just like my friends in the boys’ choir. I wanted to show my racist father that we are all the same. Mrs. Watson agreed!

MRS. WATSON (sobbing) : Clay, you have done more to erase racism in the south than anyone I’ve ever known.

CLAY : Well, Mrs. Watson, we can’t forget such important figures as Dr. King, Malcolm X, and so many others. I’m just one small cog....in the wheel of that sweet chariot...that will someday be coming for to carry ALL of us... black and white... red and yellow and pink and green... home.

MRS. WATSON : You are my hero, Clayton Grissom.

(A montage shows CLAY leading the Boys’ Choir through several songs. CLOSE-UPS of Mrs. Watkins, Faye Parker, and Ray Parker all cheering. However, in the back of the auditorium, VERNON GRISSOM is watching and seething. The scene fades out on the boys singing and fades in on the boys in their dressing room after the show. VERNON drunkenly enters the room.]

VERNON : Where is he? Where is he? No son of mine will ever pretend to be black!

[Clay switches off the lights in the dressing room and yells to the boys:] Don’t smile and he’ll never find you. Now let’s run!

[The boys all run out the back door into the alley and VERNON lurches out after them.]

VERNON : Which one of you is my son?

CHOIR BOY #1 (stepping forward) : I am your son.

[VERNON lurches toward him.]

CHOIR BOY #2 : I am your son.

[VERNON turns toward him.]

CHOIR BOY #3 : I am your son.

[VERNON turns around as, one by one, a dozen more boys step forward claiming to be Clay. Finally, Vernon, in confusion, stumbles away.]

CLAY’S VOICE-OVER : Racism in the south didn’t end that day, but I’d like to feel that the action of me and my fellow choir members -- my new FRIENDS -- played a small role in changing race relations in Raleigh, North Carolina. The times, they were a-changing.

[We hear a voice-over of Clay singing, “Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-” and his voice cracks on the final note. He tries it again and the same thing happens.]

CLAY : The times weren’t the only thing changing. So was my voice.

[Young Clay, played by Dakota Fanning, picks up a mirror and looks at it. The reflection reveals Teenage Clay, played by kd lang. The scene fades to a commercial.....]

To be continued.

Face-off : The Senator from Idaho vs. the Runner-up from Raleigh

2007-08-31T20:31:00.000-04:00

Ask a dozen mats what they like most about Clay and you'll get a dozen different answers.

For one it's the "cinnamon fur." For another it's the rivet on the front of his jeans. For yet another, it's the "second freckle from the eyebrow on the lower left quadrant of his forehead, as demonstrated in this rare piece of clack that was taken at the ninth concert I attended during the Jukebox Tour."

Yes, they all have somewhat different interests, but if there's one thing that unites all Claymates, it's their love of competition. It started with the Clay-Ruben final on AI and somehow spiraled into spamming thousands of inane polls, multi-buying his albums, and even going to the local Walmart to count the number of CDs in Clay's slot. It's very, very important to them that Faiken wins every contest, poll, or competition.

Clay reminds us of disgraced Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) not just because neither can keep their feet to themselves and both ended up getting in trouble with airport authorities for it, but also because the two have dealt with similar sex scandals. So let's compare and contrast the two scandals -- Larry Crag's "johngate" and Clay's...um... "Johngate."

Who will emerge the winner?

1. The rumors!
a) Craig : dogged by gay rumors for many years.
b) Clay : dogged by gay rumors for many years.

In this head-to-head comparison, Senator Craig is clearly the winner. His sexuality has been in question for a couple decades, whereas Clay has only had to deal with similar rumors since the first moment he opened his mouth on AI five years ago. So, for sheer longetivity, Crag wins.

2. The location!
a) Craig : trolled for sex in a public restroom.
b) Clay : trolled for sex on Manhunt.com.

Once again, Craig emerges as the winner. Clay met men from the comfort of his bedroom or hotel room, but Craig was right out there in the thick of things. He gets points for his iniative and willingness to get out there and pitch in.

3. Pick up line!
a) Crag : "Tap tap tap."
b) Clay : "I have a VERY recognizable face."

Craig's tapping seems almost mundane when compared to the promise of celebrity implied in Clay's words. This time Clay comes out on...er...top.

4. The pseudonym!
a) Craig : Anonymous.
b) Clay : Valleyprettyboy; Skipper Magee.

Clay's creativity in making up names makes him the winner in this round.

5. The evidence!
a) Craig : tape of police interrogation.
b) Clay : cloobie photos on webcam.

Clay wins because a picture is worth a thousand words.

6. The denials!
a) Craig : "I am not gay."
b) Clay : "That would not make any sense for me to do that. I've gotten to a point now where I feel like it's kind of invasive. You know what? Forget it. What I do, in my private life, is nobody's business anymore. Period."

Truthful or not, Craig's adamant statement has a forcefulness lacking in Clay's waffling. Craig wins this one hands down. Note : Clayton's "screw the lies" lyric at his summer concerts is not considered a complete denial, as it was only understood by Claymates with secret decoder rings.

7. The hypocrisy!
a) Craig : as a conservative Republican, he voted against every gay rights issue
b) Clay : presented himself as "neither gay nor a womanizer."

Craig wins again. His hypocrisy affected many citizens of the United States, while Clay's hypocrisy mainly affected the FTC complainants.

8. The publicity!
a) Craig : his scandal is covered in every newspaper and on every cable station.
b) Clay : scandal limited to National Enquirer.

Craig wins because his scandal got much more coverage, while Clay's media coverage merely reinforced his B-list status.

9. The career implications!
a) Craig : likely to resign from Senate.
b) Clay : continues touring the U.S. performing Sexyback and TV themes.

Based on a) and b) they both seem to be losers.

10. The public opinion!
a) Craig : constituents demand he resign.
b) Clay : Claymats insist scandal is merely "tabloid trash" and that he just hasn't found the right girl yet.

Clay wins this one, due to insane fan base.

...So, who's the big winner and who's the big loser? Is it the guy at the glory hole or the guy with the glory notes? The one who taps his foot or the guy who uses his fist? Who's the nerviest? Who's the perviest? Vote today!

This is one poll the Claymats will undoubtedly NOT spam.

Clay and Ruben : The Rematch?

2007-08-30T19:40:00.000-04:00

Earlier today, Zyban said:

I was talking to a friend of mine (who "lurks" here, HI Friend!!!) and she told me that "Gallant" announced he will have a CD out in January and soon after Cloofus, who has been saying it will be a long wait for his next, has (all of a sudden) started talking about releasing a CD in January too? Coincidence? Jealousy? I would bet for the latter.

Dramamine added:

Hmmm .... very interesting, Zyban. You're right. In the early M&G's, Clay was telling the Claymates that it might take quite a while for his next CD to come out, then suddenly, the projected release date was "early 2008"? Could be that Sony/BMG may want to ramp up the competitive fires again for the benefit of both Ruben and Clay, huh?

This is interesting news! What else happens every January? American Idol returns for a new season. After the somewhat disappointing ratings this past year, what better way for AI to begin their new season with a bang than to revisit one the most successful AI events from yesteryear? With both Ruben and Clay coming out (you've never seen those last three words together before, have you?) with new CDs in January, maybe AI will invite them back for a rematch.

Imagine it:

RYAN SEACREST: Welcome to our new season of American Idol! We're going to start our series somewhat differently this year -- with a rematch between Season Two finalists Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard. Tonight, each will be performing three songs from their new CDs and you'll have an opportunity to vote for who you think is best. Will Ruben retain his title as American Idol? Will Clay finally make up for his previous second-place and no longer be known as "America's runner-up?" You'll decide, ladies and gentleman, but first let's say hello to our judges. Randy Jackson!

RANDY: Yo, what's up, Dawg!

RYAN: Paula Abduhl!

PAULA: Giggle.

RYAN: And Simon Cowell!

(Cowell gives a pained smile then sips from his Coke glass, making sure the product insignia is prominently facing the camera.)

RYAN: And now let's chat for a minute with our contestants, Clay and Ruben.

(Ruben's fans in the audience politely applaud. The Claymates scream and thud. Oklahoman holds up a corncob and makes a dirty gesture.)

RYAN: Has it really been five years? You two have really changed. I see a difference of about a hundred pounds.

RUBEN: Yes, I did lose a hundred pounds, Ryan.

RYAN: I know, but I was actually talking about the hundred that Clay gained. (The corncob flies out of the audience and hits Ryan on the side of his head.) Let's talk a bit about your new albums.

RUBEN: My CD is called "In a Blues Mood" and incorporates elements of pop, rock, soul, jazz and the blues. I wrote most of the songs and my producers include Quincy Jones and Don Was.

CLAY: Mine's called "Let's Get Under the Covers." (The mats in the audience have a collective screaming orgasm.) It's a collection of cover recordings. My mother selected all the songs and Jaymes Foster produced them.

RYAN: Very interesting. Is there anything you'd like to say to each other?

RUBEN: Good luck, Clay.

CLAY: I'm going to kick your butt on the charts, and if I don't, my Claymates will kick your butt in the parking lot.

RYAN: Okay, we flipped a coin to see who goes first. Ruben won. Whatcha gonna sing for us first, Rube?

RUBEN: I wrote this song myself. It's called "Come Back, I Need Ya."

(Ruben sings his song and receives great applause, except from the mats, who ostentiously put on earplugs and listen to Measure of a Man when Ruben sings.)

RYAN: Great job, Ruben. What do you think, panel?

RANDY: You left here an idol, dawg, but you returned a superstar!

PAULA: Giggle. Like Randy said, you left your idol's dog and returned a snooper's car. What? What?

SIMON: Simply brilliant, Ruben.

RYAN: And now Clay's first song.

CLAY: I'm going to sing one of my mother's favorites, Smoky Robinson's 'I Second That Meotion.'"

RYAN: Don't you mean E-motion?

CLAY: No, I'm singing in secret code for my Mates. (Oklahoman thuds and must be carried out on a stretcher.)

(Clay sings an uninspired version of the song which impresses no one, including the mats, but they pretend to like it.)

RYAN: What did you think of Clay's song, Randy?

RANDY: I've worked with Smoky, dawg, and you don't got it going on like Smoky.

PAULA: Giggle. I think...well, like Randy said: you can work a smoky dog but don't go on smoking. What? What? What did I say?

SIMON: Amazing. ...Amazingly BAD.

(As the show goes to commercial, Clay whores for votes by winking at the camera, holding up two fingers, rubbing his crotch and moaning, and pointing to individual mats in the audience. When the show returns from commercial, Ruben sings his latest single, "The Longest Night" which Randy calls "outstanding," which Paula calls "giggle, outstanding, what?" and Simon calls "A number one hit.")

RYAN: What are you going to sing, Clay?

CLAY: A tribute to one of my mother's favorite singers, Patti Page. (He begins to sing "How Much is That Doggie in the Window." The response is weak.)

RYAN: Let's see what our judges think. Mr. Jackson?

RANDY: I don't know, man, that was kind of weird. I don't know.

PAULA: What Randy said...I agree...what?

SIMON: I nev-ah thought someone could squeeze a glory note out of "How Much is That Doggie in the Window." Dreadful, Clay. Simply dreadful.

(Clay whores for votes, pretending to be the canine he just sang about by "sitting up" like a dog and panting, then shaking his behind like he's wagging his tail. The Claymates will later agree that IF Clay had a tail, it would be longer and thicker and more manly than any other singer's tail. Someone on the CB starts a movement to call his nonexistent tail a "waldon't, because he don't really have one...isn't that cute?...dancing bananas, dancing bananas!!!" but the thread only gets three responses and mysteriously "disappears" in the middle of the night.)

RYAN: Finally, Ruben will perform his last song.

(Ruben sings an original piece, "I Was Your Sin, You Were My Salvation" which Randy calls, "Your best song EVER, dawg!" and which Paula calls "Your song ever dawg best...what? Why are you laughing?" Simon calls it, "A classic.")

RYAN: And now Clay's final song.

CLAY: Last summer, I did a TV theme song medley during my SYMPHONY CONCERT tour. Later, my mother told me that she was disappointed I didn't include her favorite TV theme song...so I included it on this album...just for her.

(Clay begins skipping around the stage singing:)

Diamonds, daisies, snowflakes...THAT GIRL (points to his mother in the audience)
Chestnuts, rainbows, springtime...THAT GIRL (points to Oklahomon on her stretcher)
Sable, popcorn, white wine...THAT GIRL (points to Corabeth)
Gingham, bluebirds, Broadway...THAT GIRL (points to a whole row of Claymates, who scream simultaneously)

(By the time he's finished singing, Randy is laughing too hard to comment, Paula is too confused to comment, and Simon has walked off the show. As Ryan gives the call-in numbers, Ruben smiles and waves at the audience. Clay keeps pointing at all his "that girl" Claymates, thrusts out his waldo, wiggles his waldon't, and pretends to pray.)

That night the mats organize phone-in parties and OleMass starts a prayer chain so that Clay will win.

The next night, the winner is revealed to be....

Does it matter?

If Clay won, it would only be because the mats spammed the voting.

If he lost, the mats would just say the entire thing was a big crooked rip-off and send letters to the FCC.

Whatever the outcome, this much is probably clear: Ruben's CD will go platinum and win three Grammys. Clay's will win no awards, but will sell 500,000 copies.

So what if it only sold that many because one thousand Claymate each bought 500 a piece?

Highlights for Hatehs

2007-08-30T09:01:00.000-04:00

Gallant thanks a fan for buying his album. Cloofus demands the fan buy seven more copies.

Gallant performs for the NAACP. Cloofus gets questioned by the FBI.

Gallant is kind to animals. Cloofus still has some 'splaining to do about that dead cat and dead goat.

Gallant is played on the radio. Cloofus makes sarcastic comments about payola.

Gallant sings "Superstar" and is nominated for a Grammy -- a sign of respect from the music industry. Cloofus sings the theme from "Laverne and Shirley" -- and wonders why he gets no respect from the music industry.

Gallant's mother respectfully sits on the sidelines and lets her son enjoy the limelight. Cloofus's mother appears on "Dancing Like the Stars."

Gallant is affectionately known as the Velvet Teddy Bear. Cloofus is not-so-affectionately known as Faiken.

Gallant's name is synonymous with "Quality in Music." Cloofus's name is synonymous with "Quality Inn."

Gallant won American Idol. Cloofus was, is, and will always be known as the runner-up.

Ebay Mystery Solved : It Wasn't a BOARDING Pass

2007-08-28T21:01:00.000-04:00

LEARNING TO SING becomes inspirational Lifetime Network Movie

2007-08-28T06:43:00.000-04:00

LEARNING TO SING : THE CLAY AIKEN STORY

A Lifetime Original Movie

Based on the memoir “Learning to Sing” by Clay Aiken and Alison Glock

Starring Dakota Fanning as Young Clay Grissom

kd lang as Clay Aiken, beginning at age 20

Dee Wallace Stone as Faye Parker

Christopher Walken as Ray Parker

and Miss Michael Learned as Elizabeth Campbell

Directed by Alan Smithee

[Wide angle evening shot of the Hollywood Bowl. Searchlights scan the skies and thousands of people move, like tiny ants, toward the arena. The camera swoops in on a lighted sign that says “CLAY AIKEN -- AMERICAN IDOL RUNNER-UP -- ONE NIGHT ONLY.” A fabric banner is looped across this sign saying, “SOLD OUT!” Note: the banner should cover the words “runner-up,” as per Mr. Aiken’s contract with the Lifetime Network.]

MALE VOICEOVER: Five minutes, Mr. Aiken.

CLAY: Thanks, Dave.

[We are in the dressing room of superstar Clay Aiken. He is sitting in an easy chair looking through an old scrapbook. He smiles down at a picture of himself and Ruben Studdard at the American Idol finale. Note: the picture in question should in no way indicate that Clay actually lost this contest, as per Mr. Aiken’s contract with the Lifetime Network. Clay turns the page and smiles with embarrassment at a picture of himself with a curly permanent, on stage with a country group. He turns the page again and sees an old, sepia picture of himself as a seven-year-old child. He has a black eye and a bloody nose. The photograph begins to waver and dissolve, fading into a flashback scene:}

BULLY #1: No, you can’t play with us. You’re skinny like a scarecrow!

BULLIES #2 and #3: Scarecrow, scarecrow!

BULLY #1: And you got big ears.

CLAY: But Mama says the bigger your ears are, the better you can hear the angels sing.

BULLY #1: And your mama ain’t got no husband!

BULLIES #2 and #3: No husband, no husband.

BULLY #1: And you don’t got no daddy either!

CLAY: Do too! I got a sperm donor daddy in Nashville, plus Daddy Jesus and Grandpa God in Heaven above!

[Clay begins to flail against the bullies, who immediately blacken his eye, bloody his nose, throw him on the ground, jump up and down on his chest, smash his legs with a baseball bat, and then mess up his red hair by giving him a dutch rub. An older woman, wearing an apron comes running out of a nearby house.]

ELIZABETH CAMPBELL: Boys, boys!

[The bullies all run away. Elizabeth helps Clay get up and dusts off his clothing.]

ELIZABETH: Clayton Grissom! What is going on here?

CLAY (crying): They said...I had...big ears...and looked like a scarecrow...and don’t have a daddy..... Mrs. Campbell, why are boys such mean bullies?

ELIZABETH: Well, in all my years as a music teacher over at the high school, I learned that, with a lot understanding and kindness, a bully can sometimes turn into a friend.

(Interior shot, as Elizabeth cleans Clay’s wounds with iodine.)

ELIZABETH: There -- good as new! Why, aren’t you a handsome little charmer. Someday all the girls will be chasing you.

CLAY: Girls are icky.

ELIZABETH: You may change your mind about that someday! (She appraises him.) Or maybe not. Now come into the kitchen and let’s make some cookies.

CLAY: Can I wear your apron? And use your electric mixer? And roll out the dough?

[Elizabeth freezes, then turns around slowly.]

ELIZABETH: Say that again.

CLAY: Can I wear your apron?

ELIZABETH: No, the last word.

CLAY: Dough.

ELIZABETH: Again.

CLAY: Dough.

[Elizabeth goes to the piano and plays the scales and Clay sings along: “Do re mi fa so la ti do.”]

ELIZABETH (blotting her eyes with the hem of her apron): Son, you have an extraordinary gift!

VOICEOVER FROM CLAY: That was how it all began. In the living room of an elderly music teacher in Raleigh, North Carolina. I’ll never forget the hours we spent together that autumn, as Mrs. Campbell helped me perfect my talent.

[There follows a montage of scenes, in which young Clay performs a variety of songs while Elizabeth accompanies him on the piano. First he is shown singing the scales, then tentatively trilling, “We were sailing along on Moonlight Bay. You could hear the voices ringing, they seemed to say....”

In the next shot he seems more confident, strutting around the piano with his thumbs tucked in his pants' pockets as he sings, “When that midnight choo-choo leaves for Alabam!” (ELIZABETH: Alabam, Alabam!) CLAY: I’ll be right there! (ELIZABETH: Where’ll you be, where’ll you be?) CLAY: I’ve got my fare!

The mood changes and now we see a much more serious Clay standing on a stool singing, “...the truth is, I never left you! All through my wild days, my mad existence. I kept my promise; don’t keep your distance....” The montage ends and we see CLAY and ELIZABETH sitting beside each other on the piano bench.]

ELIZABETH: Clayton, I think you are ready to ‘wow’ even your biggest bullies at the school talent show.

CLAY: You think so?

ELIZABETH: I know you can do it! And I am going to buy a ticket to see it!

CLAY (eagerly): Can you buy eight tickets?

[An exterior shot shows CLAY, dressed as Uncle Sam, running down the street on his way to the talent show. He stops in front of Elizabeth’s house, where an ambulance is taking out a body on a stretcher. He stops to listen to two neighbor women.]

NEIGHBOR #1: It was her heart, poor thing.

NEIGHBOR #2: The only thing keeping her alive these last few months were the music lessons she was giving that Grissom boy. She said he was the most talented youngster she’d ever encounter.

[Close-up of Clay’s tear-stained face. Then we hear the voice of ELIZABETH: “Son, you have an extraordinary gift” ... “I know you can do it!” Clay smiles and runs toward the school with renewed confidence. The focus now shifts to the stage of the school auditorium where Clay is in the middle of his “Uncle Sam” number.]

CLAY: --got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart, she’s my Yankee Doodle joy! Yankee Doodle went to London just to ride the ponies! I am that Yankee Doodle, I am that Yankee Doodle, I am that Yankee Doodle Boy!”

[He dances off stage and the crowd erupts with applause -- especially the three young bullies who are now sitting in the front row, cheering and occasionally wiping away tears.]

[Medium shot of Clay outside his dressing room holding the large trophy he won in the contest and a bouquet of roses. The three bullies approach him.]

BULLY #1: We’re sorry we picked on you before. Can we be friends with you now?

[Clay looks at them and begins to shake his head no, then hears the words of ELIZABETH in a voiceover: “With a lot understanding and kindness, a bully can sometimes turn into a friend.” He then nods.]

BULLY #2: Can you teach us to sing like you?

CLAY: It’s not that hard. You just have to use your voice for good things instead of using your fists for bad things!

BULLY #3: And will you teach us to dance?

CLAY: It’s easy...just shuffle like this...good, good. Now quarter turn, quarter turn. Now you’ve got it!

[The camera pulls back on Clay and the three bullies dancing, as CLAY speaks in voice-over: I had learned my first lessons. Using my voice had opened new doors for me. Old women would do anything for me. And sometimes bullies do become friends....)

To be continued.

Flat Clay : An I-Can-Read Book

2007-08-27T11:07:00.000-04:00

My grandma is a Claymate.
She watches “clack” all day.
If I bug her while she’s watching it
She pushes me away.

One day as I played paper dolls
Gram said, “Holy shit!
If I make a doll that looks like Clay
Then I can play with it!”

So she got a big old poster board
And sketched and cut all day.
And when it was completed
She named the doll “Flat Clay.”

She’d pick up her big paper doll
And make him dance and prance!
Then they’d travel to Clay’s concerts
In Grandma’s clambulance.

(Flat Clay couldn’t sit inside.
Why? No bendable butt.
So Gram chained him to the roof
Like Mitt Romney’s mutt.)

Flat C went with Grandma
To each of Clay’s productions.
When other mats begged for a doll of their own
Gram gave them the instructions.

Soon there were Flat Clays at every concert
What an amazing feat!
Finally the mats could say in truth
That Clay filled every seat.

And there are definite advantages
To owning a “Clay” that’s flat.
His lack of voice prevents demands
They buy eight of this and that.

…And forget about those scandals
Which had always been so damning.
Flat Clay has no Waldo.
Thus no chance of him webcamming.

When the concerts were all over
Gram put her doll away.
She keeps him in the closet.
(See, he is like Clay.)

Goodbye, Mr. Grissom

2007-08-26T11:05:00.000-04:00

From the desk of Mrs. Margeret Bering, Principal

June 10, 2008

Dear Parents of Pretty Valley Grade School,

As the close of another school year approaches, we find ourselves looking back at the high and low points of this past term...and looking ahead to future semesters marked by sustained academic excellence.

And, since rumors abound, I would like to take this opportunity to explain why Mr. Clayton Grissom has not had his contract renewed for next year.

How well I remember his delightful first interview for the position. He “jokingly” told me that he hoped to have my job as principal in five years. Little did I know that he was not joking. Imagine my shock when he began giving his class assignments to write essays on “Why Mr. Grissom would make a better principal than Mrs. Bering” and have them send petitions to the school board asking me to step down! I hope I never learn which student cut the brake lines on my car.

However, please know that my decision not to renew Mr. Grissom's contract is not personal. In truth, we found Mr. Grissom to be a substandard teacher. Let me provide a few examples of his problematic teaching methods:

1) It was brought to my attention that Mr. Aiken’s did a poor job marking spelling tests. For example, on a recent spelling test, several of his students mispelled the word “hot” as “hawt” and Mr. Grissom marked this as correct!

2) At the beginning of the semester, Mr. Grissom assigned an art project in which students should use their imagination by placing their teacher in odd situations, such as dancing with three-legged gorilla or being abducted by turnips. This assignment was NEVER given a due date. It has now been over ten months and when students ask when they should turn this assignment in, Mr. Grissom ignores them!

3) Mr. Grissom frequently overslept, showing up for class an hour late, unwashed, unshaven, and wearing the same sweater and cargo shorts he’d worn the previous day.

4) Though we appreciated the fact that Mr. Grissom wrote this year’s Christmas pageant, we were disappointed that he gave himself the lead role and charged his costume, an expensive white suit, to the school’s petty cash fund. He also violated an important safety rule the evening he wore a sweatshirt under the suit, hurried through the pageant, and then rushed out of the school for a late night “appointment,” leaving several third graders to clean the auditorium with no adult supervision until well after midnight in the middle of a blizzard. Further, many parents, teachers, and even myself, found the inclusion of the “Sleigh Ride” number in this Christmas program to be the most disturbing thing we’d ever seen. It’s been six months since the pageant and some parents report that their children are still having nightmares about watching that musical number.

5) Mr. Grissom did not seem to relate well to his students, with classsroom discussions usually limited to conversations such as “Do you kids think I look fat in this?” or “Did anyone watch Jericho last night?” Unfortunately, Mr. Grissom seemed to relate much, much better to the mothers of his students, many of whom seemed smitten with the third grade teacher, calling themselves, variously, “The Teacher’s Pets,” “Grissom’s Girls” or “Supersexystudlymanlyteacher’s Bad Widdle Students.” This behavior culminated with one of our PTA mothers, who was in her early forties, five-foot-seven, and 265 pounds, blacking out her two front teeth, placing her hair in pigtails, and coming to school in a pair of Oshkosh ‘Bygosh overalls, claiming to be a new third grade transfer student.

6) These women also spammed the school's “Favorite Teacher Contest,” which Mr. Grissom won by receiving 189,431 votes as opposed to the second place finisher, Ms. Rumball, who received 19 votes.

7) Finally, at the beginning of the semester, Mr. Grissom told me that he knew many celebrities and even received a phone call each year on his birthday from former president Jimmy Carter. At that time, he promised to have Cher visit his classroom. Little did I know that Mr. Grissom himself was going to show up dressed as Cher, complete with boots, fish-net stockings, and a micro-mini skirt.

These are just a few of the reasons Mr. Grissom is not being asked to return to Pretty Valley Grade School next year. We wish him much success in whatever career he pursues. We’d also like him to know that we appreciate many of the ideas that he brought to our school, including adding a Hot Pocket and Krispy Kreme station in the cafeteria and introducing the “Stop Talking! Focus! Understand?” hand signal to the classrooms of Pretty Valley Grade School. In fact, we plan to engrave this saying over the front door, so when students return next fall they will see it every day as they approach the building:

YOU ARE NOW ENTERING
THE HALLOWED HALLS OF
PRETTY VALLEY GRADE SCHOOL
PLEASE STFU!

If American Idol Had Never Happened

2007-08-25T11:04:00.000-04:00

From the Desk of Mrs. Margaret Bering, Principal

August 24, 2007

Dear Third Graders:

Welcome back for another year of learning and fun at Pretty Valley Grade School! I am delighted to introduce your new teacher, Mr. Clayton Grissom. Mr. Grissom is a graduate of the University of North Carolina.

When he came for his interview, I asked him what he thought he’d be doing in five years’ time and he jokingly said he hoped he would have MY job as principal in five years. Isn’t he a card? I really enjoyed his amusing “banter.”

Let me tell you a bit more about your new teacher. Mr. Grissom grew up right here in Raleigh. He sings in his church choir and enjoys performing karaoke on weekends. His hobbies include spending time with his mother, watching TV, and cruising through cyberspace on his computer. He likes traveling overseas because of the wonderful photography opportunities it provides. He lives in a townhouse with his roommate, Mr. Evan Toobly, whom some of your older brothers and sisters may know as the typing and shorthand teacher over at the high school.

I asked Mr. Grissom if he had any special messages for you third-graders and this is what he told me.

Mr. Grissom would like every student to come to school prepared with the right supplies. He suggests:

8 notebooks
8 pens
8 pencils
8 rulers
8 compasses and protractors
8 boxes of reinforecments

Mr. Grissom is an expert at American Sign Language. He will soon teach you a special hand signal to remind you when to quiet down and focus your attention on classroom activities. He calls it his “STFU” signal, which stands for “Stop Talking! Focus! Understand?” When Mr. Grissom gives you this signal, I hope you will kindly and courteously STFU!

Your new teacher describes himself as “strict, but fair.” Mr. Grissom told me, “I have certain unbendable rules. Students should come to school looking as though they take education seriously. Make sure to bathe and comb your hair everyday. Dress appropriately: no shorts, no sandals, no flip-flops. Keep your teeth white and shiny, especially if you are a minority. It’s also important to keep your body parts to yourself. Do not touch your classmates -- especially during cold and flu season. And keep your feet off other students’ desk. If you see anyone misbehaving, please tell me privately. This is not ‘tattling,’ it’s helping me to keep the classroom running smoothly. Students who report other students will be rewarded. Finally, for those of you taking the bus home, please line up and get on the bus in a speedy and orderly fashion. I have neither the time nor the interest in loitering around that bus at the end of the day. If students cannot follow these basic classroom rules, I will have to call your mother and sperm donor in for a parent-teacher conference.”

When I asked Mr. Grissom to describe some of his forthcoming lesson plans he offered this sneak preview:

VOCABULARY: Mr. Grissom will begin each morning with a new “word of the day” for students to learn.

MATHEMATICS: Do the following problems without using a calculator:

1) If Billy brings Teacher two Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Teacher says he expects Billy to buy a total of eight, how many more doughnuts will Billy have to buy?

2) If Susie attends a concert at a 5000 seat stadium and only 1200 seats are filled, how many empty seats are there?

3) If you and five friends each voted five times in a “favorite singer” poll for three days in a row, how many votes would your favorite singer receive? This assignment is due on September 2.

ART: Use your imagination and create a drawing of Teacher dancing with a three-legged gorilla or being abducted by turnips. The due date for this assignment remains undetermined.

SCIENCE: For our animal studies unit, I’d like you to make a list of all the body parts of a cat. Feel free to experiment on your pet cat at home. Make sure to include internal organs on your list.

MUSIC: Each week we will learn a new song in class. It’s important to memorize all the lyrics. If you forget the words, or have to write them down on your desk to remember them, you will be punished. Also, sing the lyrics as if you understand them and feel them. No showboating or “glory-noting” -- these are the hallmarks of an amateurish attention-grabber and not a true singer.

READING: Students are encouraged to check out books from the school library. Some of Mr. Grissom’s favorite children’s books include:

Where’s Waldo?
Flat Stanley
Honk the Moose
Daniel Boone: Man, Hunter, Adventurer
The Moves Make the Man
Holes

DRAMA: Mr. Grissom has agreed to write the script for our Christmas pageant this year!

Now that you know a bit more about Mr. Grissom, I’m sure you are looking forward to spending the coming months in his classroom. He has informed me that IF you are a very good class, you might even get a visit this semester from the famous singer “Cher.”

I’m sure you agree that Mr. Grissom certainly stands for “Quality In
Education.”

To Clay, with Love : The Tribute Album

2007-08-23T21:35:00.001-04:00

Distraught at the prospect of waiting months, or even years, for the next Clay Aiken CD, the mats held a meeting and came up with an idea. “Clay always says we can do anything,” bellowed Oklahoman. “Why don’t we take the bull by the horns and produce this album ourselves! All we have to do is raise some cash, rent a studio, and hire an orchestra.”

So the mats sold their houses, cashed in their retirement funds, liquidated all their savings and rented a studio. Then Oklahoman called Clay and bellowed for him to come over to the studio right away “’cause us Claymates gots a biiiig surprise for you!”

Clay thought about it for thirty seconds. He didn’t think he could face all that estrogen...all those heaving bazooms...all those stretch pants...even if they were fan club members. So he told Mary to write a blog telling the mats he was busy and spent the rest of the evening on manhunt.com. Some “members” are better than others.

Faced with non-refundable studio and orchestra fees, Oklahoman did some quick thinking, then bellowed: “I know what we can do! We’ve got a studio. We’ve got an orchestra. We’ve got no place to go because we sold our homes and we’ve living under the viaduct. So why don’t we record an album ourselves? It can be a tribute album for Clay!”

So the mats selected some songs, called some of Clay’s friends to help out, and began their recording session.

To Clay, with Love : A Tribute Album

Track #1: “Oklahoman,” sung by Oklahoman to the tune of “Oklahoma!” by Rodgers and Hammerstein

Oklahoman, I’m a fan who bellows out her name!
I’d like Clay’s two feet on my plane seat
And I’m sure that you all feel the same!
Oklahoman, every night my fellow mats and I
Sit and watch some clack (wishing Clay was in my sack
And I was getting cornholed by that guy!)
You know we belong to Clay Aiken
If you don’t, then you’re sadly mistaken.
So when I sa-aa-ay (yow!)
I know that Clay’s not gay (ee-yow!)
I’m only saying
I’m getting cornholed by Aiken
Oklahoman’s okay!

Track #2: “Fayme,” sung by Faye Parker to the tune of Irene Cara’s “Fame.”

Baby look at me
And tell me what you see.
You ain’t seen all of Clay’s mama yet
Let me dance and I’ll make you forget!

Just let me on that stage
And I’ll do my hoochie-hooch
I’ll wear a dress that’s cut down to here
I’ll wear a skirt that’s slit up to my cooch.

FAYME!
I’m gonna dance forever
Grab attention from my son
FAYME!
You’ll be saying, “Clay who?”
By the time my dancing is done.

Remember
Remember
Remember
Remember
Remember....

Track #3: “Glowstick,” sung by a chorus of mats to the tune of “Glow Worm” by the Mills Brothers.

Shine little glowstick, glimmer, glimmer
Hey, in this dim light, Clay looks slimmer.
Light up the audience, stop them from snoring
Then let’s leave before he starts encoring.
This night could use a bit of brightnin’
That TV Medley was downright frightnin’
We’ve gotta go, we gotta go
We’ve had enough of this show.

Track #4: “Clesus Loves Me,” sung by a “special friend of Clay’s” who prefers to remain nameless. To the tune of “Jesus Loves Me.”

Clesus loves me, this I know
Anonymous e-mails tell me so
I offered up my Quality End
Thinking he would be my friend.
Yes, Clesus loves me
Yes, he MUST love me.
Yes, Clesus loves me
My blog will tell you so.

Track #5: “Lock Three Times” sung by ScooterOKC to the tune of “Knock Three Times” by Tony Orlando and Dawn.

Hey, girl, what kind of posting is this?
Bashing our Clay when I moderate every word you write?
I can see the thoughts you're writin’
I can feel my blood pressure heighten
This is the Clayboard, we don’t allow allow discord.
We hate you.
Oh you hat-eh, I’ll lock three times if you criticize Clay’s singing!
Twice if you type that you think he’s a ‘mo.
Lock! Lock! Lock! means we’ve banned you here forever
Take my advice: it’s time for you to go!

Track #6: “Ben” sung by OCRegmom and dedicated to her son the music critic, to the music of Michael Jackson’s “Ben.”

Ben, the two of us need speak no more
You are not the son I'd once hoped for.
With a friend to call my own
I’ll never be alone.
And Clay’s that friend for me
He’s like a son, you see
Now he’s got a mom in me.

Ben, you’re always criticizing Clay
I don’t listen to a word you say.
You don’t see him as I do
I wish that he were you!
I love him, yes I do.
Now I’ve got a new son, Ben.

Track #7: “Clayton Loving” sung by Jaymes Foster Levi to the tune of “Summer Loving” from the musical Grease.

(Jaymes)
Clayton loving,
I went from city to city
That means a lot
‘Cause those concerts were shitty

(Mats)
Tell us more, tell us more
Did you touch Clayton’s vest?
Tell us more, tell us more,
Did he nurse at your breast?

(Jaymes)
Clayton loving,
I sat on the stage.
And so what
If he's half my age?
He protects me, keeps from harm
And he once let me
Shave his right arm!

(Mats)
Tell us more, tell us more
Is there a girl on that bus?
Tell us more, tell us more
If there is, why can’t she be us?

(Jaymes)
He’s not gay
...He just acts that way
When he’s meeting new men
...on Manhunt!

Bonus Holiday Track #1: “All You’ll See This Christmas” by Angela and Quiana, sung to the tune of “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.”

All you’ll see this Christmas is our white front teeth
Our white front teeth, our white front teeth
All you’ll see this Christmas is our white front teeth
When we sing black-up for Clay.

Bonus Holiday Track #2: “Gay Ride” by Miss Beverly, John Dahlstrom, and other members of the Christmas Tour, to the tune of “Sleigh Ride”

Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing
Ring ting tingle all day
Come on it’s lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with Clay.

Dressed all in white and flick-flick-flicking his wrists
When this shows up on Youtube, you know he’s gonna be pissed.

Giddy-up giddy-up, giddy-up, let’s go. Let’s finish this show.
This dancing is the lamest thing we’ve done.
Giddy-up giddy-up giddy-up, it’s grand,
The way he uses his hands
If they still think this guy is straight...they’ll never understaaaand!

Clay enunciates each word as if the fans can’t hear
(Considering their ages, that’s a reasonable fear.)
He’s singing the songs he loves to sing and they won’t hear him yell
When he gets to the glory note of awful “All is Well.”
Well, well, well!

There’s a happy feeling nothing in the world can buy
When the show is over and we can finally say goodbye.
But there’s one just one problem
That we know just isn’t right
We’ll be seeing this SAME AUDIENCE
Once again tomorrow night.

****

When the mats’ tribute CD was recorded and the “drop date” (how they loved that word!) was announced, Oklahoman called Clay and told him she expected him to buy eight copies of it, since she’d bought eight copies of all his records.

Two weeks later all eight copies still sat untouched in the CD section at the Raleigh Walmart.

...But at least they weren’t in the deep discount bin like all those copies of ATDW.

Will Clay try to take another seat....

2007-08-22T20:57:00.000-04:00

...this time not at the Quality Inn, but in Congress?

Check out last night's blog.

"08/21/07 : Sen. Aiken
Should I run for senate?!? HA HA

from my local paper, The [Raleigh] News & Observer:

"Dems reaching for Dole rival

ADemocratic pollster says his firm decided to see how the state DemocraticParty chairman would fare in a race for U.S. Senate because the firm wasout of ideas.

Justin Guillory, who works for Public Policy Polling,said the firm ran Jerry Meek's name against U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Dole becausethere weren't any other people left.

"We tried all the candidates who have been mentioned," he said.

Still, Guillory said that people at the firm had heard Meek's name floated as a pos
sible candidate for higher office some day.

Onhis blog, Guillory says he hopes to try some real names soon: "Hopefullysome Democrat will step up to the plate soon and we can end this exercise.Otherwise, we may have to resort, as one person suggested, to testing Clay Aiken against Elizabeth Dole."

Current Mood:
Confused

Currently Listening to:
laughter"

Oh great, just what we need: another liar and fraud in Congress. Aren't there enough? Besides, can you imagine how obnoxious Faiken would be as a candidate? You thought it was bad when he was begging for votes on AI. Can you imagine seeing him on Fox News and CNN every night, batting his eyes and soliciting the public to vote for him? Can you imagine how many bodyguards Elizabeth Dole would have to hire so the mats wouldn't try to "kick her butt"?

And imagine the interviews:

Reporter: Mr. Aiken, can you tell us how you feel about certain key issues facing the American public today?
Aiken: Certainly.

Reporter: What are we going to do about terrorism?
Aiken: Well, I think big-time terrorism, like what we witnessed on September 11, is just terrible. I still say that if you want to catch Osama bin Laden, just sic my Claymates on him. As far as domestic terrorism goes, I must say I have NO PROBLEM with individuals spying on each other or using the internet to look up home addresses and credit reports. Even cutting other people's brake lines and eavesdropping on their phone calls doesn't seem that big of a deal, as long as it's done for the right reasons.

Reporter: How do you feel about the the cost of long-term health care for the aged?
Aiken: Something must be done to help the elderly. They are among my biggest fans. I mean constituents.

Reporter: Would you like to tell us how you feel about gays in the military?
Aiken: That would not make any sense for me to do that. I mean I don’t — it doesn’t make any sense. I’ve gotten to a point now where I — I feel it’s kind of invasive, you know. I will not answer such a question ever again.

Reporter: What about the role of education in society?
Aiken: I was a teacher for so long...for so many years...so I know the importance of education. If I'm elected, you will be seeing a lot of "Teacher Clay." Every time I take the floor of the Senate, I'll ask someone to define the "word of the day." And if the Senate hearings ever get boring, I'm always up for having my "students" tape me to the wall of the Capitol Building.

Reporter: What about race relations in the twentieth century?
Aiken: Well, my black-up singers support me. See those white teeth over there? That's Angela. Or Quiana. Can't tell those two apart in the dark.

Reporter: How do you address the issue of voter fraud?
Aiken: I'm glad you asked. I brought along my campaign manager to discuss the issue. Mom?
Faye Parker: Yes, I have a message I want to get out to every voter in North Carolina. Voter fraud is a serious issue! If you have a neighbor who is elderly and unable to get to the polls, it would be wrong to dress up as an old man or woman and come vote in their place. If your neighbors are out of town, do not disguise yourself and vote in their place either. Do not request extra absentee voter ballots and submit them using a fake name in order to help Clay win. These things are all wrong. If you want to know how not to do these things, please contact me and I will tell you all about these methods, and others, which you should not use in the coming election.

Reporter: And where can our viewers go to learn more about you?
Aiken: Just look up "Skipper Magee" at Man... I mean go to "Aiken for Congress" and please, please, please vote for me. I can't be a runner-up yet another time!

Claybored

2007-08-21T19:53:00.000-04:00

Can you hear it?

The wailing? The sobbing? The gnashing of teeth?

It's the sound of a couple thousand Claymats lamenting the end of Clay Aiken's summer symphony series -- or, as some like to call it, the "Shlemiel, Shlimazel, Sexyback Annihilated Tour."

In between the heaving sighs and noisy sinus clearing, we hear an occasional mat say, "Clay deserves this well-earned rest. He works so hard!" To which the rest of us, working jobs that keep us busy forty hours a week (or, if you're a Claymate, working two jobs in order to pay for all that concert-hopping) should respond: WTF???

He works so hard? Has he worked more than twenty days in 2007? And even those days are severely truncated, performing for little more than two hours a night. (Okay, we'll add in the M&Gs and bus line and call it three hours a night.) Before a mat feels the need to write in and comment on how much preparation Aiken went through before this tour began, let's just quash that theory right now by saying that if he'd rehearsed even a few times, he would have learned the lyrics to these songs. What about all the media and interviews he did promoting this tour? Hmm...seems like the same interview (the "I embrace my inner dork/turkey baster" piece) was just republished over and over in different newspapers. Well, what about the all the prep time before he goes on stage? Please. He admits he doesn't do any vocal exercises. He doesn't even bother to shave or take a shower....

So what will Clay Aiken do now that his tour has ended? His usual leisure-time activities seem to be sleeping all day, eating Hot Pockets and Krispy Kremes, watching TV reruns, and crusing Manhunt.com.

Boredom definitely seems to be an issue. Remember, he couldn't bring himself to sing "A Thousand Days" anymore because it was putting him to sleep; he's so bored by his own concerts that he has to relieve his malaise by throwing shoes; he got his teeth bonded because "I was bored." One trustworthy and irrefutable source (me) even alleges that he saw a quote on the CB in which Faiken called his work on the president's commission "boring." (That quote is now either lost between all the dancing bananas or was edited out by a CB mod, as I can no longer find it.)

Because Faiken has a significant amount of free time on his hands (there's at least a couple months between now and his date to lip-sync "Solitaire" at the Neil Sedaka tribute) and since he seems to be SOOOOOO bored, here are ten useful activities he could do in the coming weeks:

1) Go do something charitable. For real. Plant a few trees (instead of just showing up to plant one tree as a photo op.) Go overseas on your own dime and help out underprivileged children. This time don't dress like You-Know-Who. Don't teach the kids to sing or ride a camel. Do something PRODUCTIVE. And don't stay at a hotel while you're doing it.

2) Trying writing a song. It took you seven months to write -- what? -- one or two words of Lover All Alone? This time try to write an entire song.

3) Didn't you promise to write a weekly blog for fan club members? Get to it!

4) Give Ruben a call. Apologize for the sweating jokes.

5) Step away from the Krispy Kremes.

6) Refrain from writing a script for your Christmas show. Please. We beg you.

7) Avoid any more surgeries or medical procedures that change your appearance. Boredom is not an excuse.

8) Fire Jaymes Foster. The last thing you need is another yes-woman in your life.

9) Contemplate your future. Think about how you got yourself in this mess. FREE THE MATS!

10) Stay the heck off of Manhunt.com!!!

Again, try to do something productive with your time.

"Idol" hands are the devil's workshop.

THE CELLY AWARDS

2007-08-19T15:35:00.000-04:00

Bitch, bitch, bitch...

No, we’re not counting Claymates. We’re discussing Clay Aiken’s attitude about the Relly Award Nominations, given out annually -- and in the spirit of fun! -- by the Regis and Kelly show.

Though Clay embarrassed himself royally on the program (whoring for attention, rudely making fun of Kelly’s singing ability, and disrespectfully putting his hand over her mouth while she was interviewing a guest) the mats felt he was entitled to win Rellys in several categories this year, including Best Guest Host and even Funniest Moment -- “a moment” that Kelly clearly did not find humorous.

Clay also shares that sense of entitlement. A previous winner, he seems to be expecting another great big old Spam sandwich from his mats, telling them at the Tampa meet-and-greet last Friday that he “really wants to win” -- even though the nominations had already been announced and he was clearly not on the list.

Perhaps he’s expecting the mats to start another Jericho-styled “nut” campaign to get him that Relly. There certainly are enough nuts among the mats to accomplish this. Listen to this nut:

“Our darling Clay is still such an innocent. He really thought the Relly was on the up-and-up and that his Claymates could vote him another statue. So sad that the world is such that Clay has to keep getting lessons on the rotting insides of some Hollywood people.”

Another Claynut chimes in:

“I do believe that there is God and HE will never let these b*d people win...”

Since the chances of Clay winning a real Relly are slim-to-none, we thought we’d instead present him with a few “Celly Awards.” Named after Clay’s much beloved Cellcerts, these awards celebrate the high points of his current concert tour which is ending tonight.

Here are the nominations:

THE “WE LIE EVEN MORE THAN CLAY DOES” AWARD, given to the biggest told by concert-going mats

a) “There are a lot of men here tonight!”
b) “Every seat is full!”
c) “I saw beside a man who was clearly dragged to the concert by his wife and had no interest in being there. By the end of the show he was on his feet cheering, with tears running down his cheeks.”
d) “Clay’s never sounded better!”
e) “Clay came to my side of the stage and sang to me for twenty seconds.”
f) "Best. Concert. Ever."

MOST DRAMATIC MOMENT OF THE TOUR AWARD

a) When Clay couldn’t climb back on the stage and had to lay there struggling for several seconds, as if he were waiting for Jerome to come out and flip him over like a partially-cooked burger.
b) The after-show visit to the hospital where Clay had to get a shot after eating a butter pecan cookie. (This event DID happen, but was downplayed on the Clayboards. I wonder why....)
c) The time Clay’s shirt rode up and exposed some...SKIN (thud...thud...dancing bananas...thud.)
d) The cancellation of the Cary bus line
e) Toegate

THE “YOU’RE INVITED ON THE BUS, ETHEL, AS LONG AS YOU SIT IN BACK” AWARD, for the most racist moment of the tour

a) Clay referring to Angela and Quiana as his “black-up” singers
b) Clay’s “George Jefferson dance” while singing “Movin’ on Up”
c) Clay throwing shoes at Angela during her solo
d) Clay’s comments about his back-up singers not being seen unless they smiled

MOST CRINGE-WORTHY, EMBARRASSING MOMENT OF THE TOUR AWARD

a) Clay burping, then making it worse by discussing flatulence
b) Clay forgetting the words to most songs
c) Back-up singers having to hit the high notes when Clay couldn’t do it
d) TV theme medley
e) Flat Clay dancing in a hotel room window
f) Sexyback hitting the internet

THE “DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL AWARD” for how many ways can he tell them he’s gay without actually fornicating live on stage with a man

a) Clay’s dramatic, clearly tongue-in-cheek “big announcement” that “I am...not cool.”
b) His performance of “Like a Virgin”
c) The way he caressed that microphone like it was something he met on manhunt.com
d) Everything but intermission

THE “SMACK ME UPSIDE THE HEAD IF I EVER CHANGE” AWARD, for the most dramatic physical transformation on this tour:

a) Shaved arms and legs
b) Increased girth
c) Bound cloobies
d) Spray tan
e) Bonded teeth

MOST IMMATURE MOMENT AWARD

a) Throwing shoes at back-up singers
b) Unrelenting, never-ending and exhaustive complaining about the “fat” letter that was sent to his back-up singer
c) Forgetting the lyrics to even his signature songs
d) Making fun of Ruben for sweating
e) Getting whipped on stage

MOST OBVIOUS CLUE THAT THE VOICE IS GONE AWARD

a) Back-ups having to hit the high notes
b) Having audience sing along for most of the songs
c) Increased ratio of bad “banter” to bad singing
d) The horrified expressions on the faces of symphony members when he went for the glory notes

The Celly Awards are still accepting more nominations. Feel free to add your own.

The Celly Awards...honoring the good, the b*d, and the fugly......

Hey Clay, Want to Play 20 Questions?

2007-08-17T11:30:00.001-04:00

1) When was the last time you spoke to your "good friend" Ruben?

2) What was the real reason you were thrown out of your grandmother's funeral?

3) What did you actually ingest before passing out at McDonald's in Slovenia?

4) How much of "Lover All Alone" did you write?

5) What ever happened to that contest you blogged about...? Something about three-legged gorillas and getting abducted by turnips...?

6) Since you promised never to change or "go Hollywood," how do you explain the ear-pinning, teeth-bonding, arm-waxing, and breast reduction procedures?

7) Tell the truth: did you only dress as Cher that one time, or have you continued doing it...maybe late at night...when you've had one too many Paxils...and no one's watching....?

8) Did you ever personally make amends with John Paulus?

9) Whose idea was that covers CD anyway -- yours or Clive's?

10) You graduated from college at age 26. Were you just a little slow or are there some "missing years" in the life of Clayton Holmes Grissom that even your most devoted mats don't know about?

11) The goat. The cat. Those weren't accidents, were they?

12) When was the last time you logged on to Manhunt.com?

13) When you claim that you were a teacher "for so long" or "for so many years," are you just trying to perpetuate a myth or do you now actually believe it?

14) Are you still friends with Nick?

15) How many meetings of the President's Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities have you actually attended?

16) Why did you tell Diane Bubel that you wrote the Josh Groban song "To Where You Are" when nothing could be further from the truth?

17) Do you ever read http://www.clayaikenfraudsquad.blogspot.com/ and find yourself nodding in agreement at some of our comments?

18) What do you regard as the biggest embarrassment of your generally embarraassing concert career: "Sleigh Ride," "Sexyback," or the "TV themes medley"?

19) Have you ever donated any money (say over $5000) to the BAF or any other charitable organization?

20) Do you believe that you will someday be held accountable for all your lies and manipulations, either in this life or the next?

Clay-crostic!

2007-08-16T10:44:00.000-04:00

Tired of looking at pictures of sweaty Clay on the CB or reading the exact same blog over and over and over at a certain someone's blogspot? If so, maybe you'll enjoy puzzling over this crostic quiz instead.

Here's how it works. Answer as many of the thirteen questions as you can. Each letter in your answer is represented by a number. Then take each letter from your answers and fill in the appropriate numbered spaces at the bottom of the screen. (For example, the first letter of the first answer is H. Now go down to 65 at the bottom of the page and write H over that number.) These letters will form a relevant quote -- and, as more of the quote appears, you may recognize words and be able to transfer those letters above to figure out more of the thirteen answers. Sounds complicated, but it really isn't. Good luck.

1) John gave one to Clay at the Quality Inn, then rode in one to Cary.

65--32--14--34--68--81

2) Clay blames him, so mats disdain him.

19--44--78--48--58

3) The mats' favorite book.

55--76--11--36--28'--23

55--61--4--45--38 ?

4) At least America's children were saved from having to deal with this horror!

64--35--1--24--46--52--7

41--20--9--22

5) A hand signal from Clay that the mats must obey!

72--30--69--43

6) The FBI wishes that Clay would refrain from putting his stanky feet here.

3--59--33--71--15--60--37

7) The Clayboard Dance Company.

50--13--62--47--8--21--31

8) Clay's singing evokes many 33--6--42--10--78-17--2--23 ;

one of them is 5--49--18--66--56--26

9) They follow Clay from concert to concert like flies following a garbage truck.

16--1--12--82

10) What Clay does when an interviewer questions his sexuality.

55--9--73--57--44--70--31

11) How many words did Clay likely add to the lyrics of "Lover All Alone"?

74--53--80

12) JP offered his. Clay utilized it.

27--51--47--75

67--29--63

13) Clay's singing career doesn't seem to have one.

79--25--54--39--40--77

Now fill in the spaces below with the appropriate numbers and get the thought for the day:

1--2

3--4--5--6--7--8--9--10--11

12--13--14--15

16--17--18

19--20--21--22'--23

24--25--26--27--28--29--30

31--32--33--34--35--36

37--38--39--40

41--42--43--44--45

46--47--48--49

50--51--52--53

"54--55--56--57--58--59--60

61--62--63

64--65--66--67--68--69--70--71--72

73--74--75

76--77--78--79--80--81--82."

The Collected Poetry of the Claynation

2007-08-15T17:03:00.000-04:00

Here a few excerpts from the forthcoming book, The Collected Poetry of the Claynation.

The Claymate Song

Our feelings for Clay are almost devotional,
Just speaking his name makes us meotional.
Just seeing his face makes us orgasmic
Tongue-tied and knock-kneed and almost asthmatic.
We dream of the day he’ll call each of us “honey.”
Till then we’ll support him with bushels of money.
We’ll buy multiple albums and spam every poll
Making him famous will be our one goal.
So what if our marriages go straight to hell?
So what if our children are neglected as well?
We’ll cheer for Clay Aiken throughout this great land
Till we shut the fuck up with one wave of his hand.

Spurned and Quarter-turned

I know what it’s like to get a Clay Aiken kiss
(It’s somewhat less painful than getting his fist.)
I remember the romance of those quarter turns
(‘Cause they left me with chafing and bruises and burns.)
Who could forget his climactic screaming and growls?
(But did he have to yell at me for forgetting the towels?)
Then it was over, the last quarter turned
(And I did a porno while Aiken got Sterned.)
The Claymates hated me and called me perverted.
(But, look, now they love me! ‘Cause I’ve been Clayverted!)

Passenger 112-A

Imagine spoiled milk
And limburger cheese
Imagine a festering
Rotting disease.
That was the stench
As his cruddy feet
Smeared dripping toejam
On the side of my seat.
Why bother asking
What you would do?
If only you’d smelled it,
You’d hit him too.

To Be a Claymate, One Must Learn to Walk on Shifting Sands....

2007-08-13T20:41:00.000-04:00

August 1, 2007

Aiken’sGirl: What do you love most about Clay?

Clackle-doodle-doo: His high moral standards!

Clayby’sWetNurse: Yes, you can always depend on our Clayby to put on a wholesome, family-friendly show. You can take your ninety-year-old grandma or your two-year-old son and no one will be offended.

Clayismydouche: He’s so pure! It’s almost like he’s a saint.

IWuvClay’sToenail: It sickens me to see what other performers do on stage. Clay is really one of a kind. He’s brought back G-rated entertainment and I love him for it!

August 13, 2007

Aiken’sGirl: Did you see Angela whip Clay last night?

Clackle-doodle-doo: Oh, Mr. Sex-ay Man.

Aiken’sGirl: I thought it was a little much, frankly.

Clayby’sWetNurse: No, it was cuuuuuuute!

Aiken’sGirl: I thought his shows were for the entire family -- and that bit was a little raunchy.

Clayismydouche: It was fun. Clay has always had a slightly bawdy sense of humor.

Aiken’sGirl: I think I liked him better when he was family friendly.

Clayismydouche: You’re being ridiculous. It’s not as if he did anything blatantly SEXUAL. You need to grow up.

IWuvClay’sToenail: I think Aiken’sGirl is beginning to sound like a hat-eh.

August 15, 2007

Aiken’sGirl: What did you think of the clack from last night’s show? Personally, I was a little disappointed when someone threw that cucumber on the stage and Clay stuck it through the fly of his pants and chased Angela and Quiana around the stage.

Clackle-doodle-doo: Oh I thought that was adorable!!!!

Clayby’sWetNurse: Thud!

Clayismydouche: I wish I was that cucumber!

IWuvClay’sToenail: I wish I was Angela or Quiana!!!!

Aiken’sGirl: Don’t you think it was...just...a little bit tacky? For a G-rated show?

Clayby’sWetNurse: Well, maybe it was PG, or PG-13 at the worst, but I can’t imagine anyone being offended.

Clayismydouche: Most modern performers are MUCH worse!

IWuvClay’sToenail: Let Clay be Clay! If you don’t like him, why don’t you go join the Fraud Squad, Aiken’sGirl!

August 17, 2007

Aiken’sGirl: I just got done watching last night’s clack and I’m in a state of shock! Halfway through “Back for More” Clay tore off Angela’s shirt and she was standing there topless wearing a pair of nipple rings! Then Clay tears off his five shirts and HE’S got a pair of nipple rings too! Then Quianna hooks this big chain between Angela’s rings and Clay’s rings and they start dragging each other around the floor of the stage!

Clackle-doodle-doo: That’s so charming! I love how playful they are together!

Clayby’sWetNurse: I’d be ‘back for more’ of that! Thud!!!

Aiken’sGirl: But...but there were kids in the audience. One man was a preacher from South Carolina, there with his wife and three children under ten years old!

IWuvClay’sToenail: So what? Clay and Angela were just playing tug of war! Kids love tug of war! Sometimes I wonder about you, Aiken’sGirl!

Clackle-doodle-doo: She’s a hat-eh. Are you sure your name isn’t...........Percocet?????????

August 20, 2007

Aiken’sGirl: Okay, this is the last straw. I just watched the clack from last night’s performance! Clay didn’t sing a note! He just came out, engaged in some juvenile banter, and then ripped all of Angela’s clothes off. Then he pulled all his clothes off and actually had SEXUAL INTERCOURSE with her right there on the stage. To the accompaniment of the symphony! For two hours!

Clackle-doodle-doo: Me likee a man with staying power!!!

IWuvClay'sToenail: Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Call the clambulance! I’ve thudded and I can’t get up!

Aiken’sGirl: It was totally inappropriate! There were CHILDREN in that audience!

Clay’sWetNurse: Oh calm down. “Teacher Clay” was just giving a little biology lesson, right girls?

IWuvClay’sToenail: Right. OMC is a VERY SMART man and VERY TASTEFUL too! He’d never do anything wrong. Ever. I trust you with my life, Clay!!!!

Aiken’sGirl: It was like a scene from an X-rated movie!

Clayismydouche: And if it was, I’m sure it was done very tastefully! Besides, having sex with Angela for two hours will stop all those nay-sayers from saying he’s gay.

Aiken’sGirl: Hey....yeah. ...Maybe you’re right. ...Maybe I was being a little too critical and mean-spirited.

Clayismydouche: Right. Just relax, honey. Have a glass or Kool-Aid and let’s all watch more of this wonderful family-friendly clack!

The Morning After....

2007-08-11T12:49:00.000-04:00

August 11, 2007

Dear Diary:

Well, I’m glad that’s over with.

I have to admit I was a little nervous about JP attending last night’s show. What if he started yelling at me from the audience? Or started waving around that damn DNA-crusted rag he’s been threatening me with for months?

What’s wrong with people nowadays? It used to be you could arrange a hook-up at the local no-tell motel, spend an hour doin’ the nasty, and then both parties would head home with their anonyonmity intack [Editor’s note: in the interest of accuracy, we are publishing “Teacher Clay’s” diary with the misspellings and grammatical errors “intact.”] Nowadays just because a guy performs a few quarter turns and lets ya give him a colonoscopy without any medical instruments, he thinks he owns ya for life!

Anyway, I have to thank Mama for coming up with a plan. She’s got that listserve of extra-special Claymates (those that has given over $10,000 to BAF...or has boughten over 100 copies of ATDW...or has written threatening letters to music critics) and she sent out an e-mail telling them that if they seen JP in the audience, they should not scream at him or hit him with their glow sticks or walking sticks or nothing like that, but just ignore-ignore-ignore him. Mama called it “Operation Dandelion” because she said that if you ignore a bright yeller dandelion on the lawn, pretty soon it will go to seed and just FLOAT AWAY. Mama gives such good advice and the only thing she wanted in exchange was the oportunity to come up on stage and dance by herself in front of that big old audience. Later on, Quianna and Angela said she looked like a hoochie up there. Because of that remark, they will not be touring with me next year. Now I will have to find someone else to hit the high notes for me and remember the lyriks to songs I forget.

My favorite moment of the night was when I teased the audience about making a big announsment. I acted like I was going to say I was “you-know-what,” but ended up saying I was...not cool! The Claymates did not get the joke. They never do.

Later on I had to skip the bus line because I had somethin’ else very important to do, but I had Mary write a blog hinting it was all the fault of JP! Ha-ha-ha-ha. Watch my mates “kick his butt” now! In the meantime, skipping the bus line gave me an extra hour to spend on M**h**t (Mama, I hope you are not reading this diary! It is PRIVATE!) where Sk*pp*r M*g** met a new guy online. We met in person at the Q**l*ty I** and I made sure he did not keep any of them t*wels.

Well, I been up all night, so I’m going to have a few Krispy Kremes and then hit the sack (for sleeping this time!) I figure I can sleep till ‘bout fifteen minutes before the next concert since I do not need to shower, shave, or even change clothes before going on stage.

Clay

* * *

August 11, 2007

Dear Diary:

Clay ignored me.

The audience ignored me.

Everyone ignored me.

Even with the stretch limo, everyone ignored me!

I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!

Could it be that Clay’s tearful late-night phone calls and recent e-mails and IMs were just a ruse to keep me quiet?

I need to talk to him about this or I’ll be going to the National Enquirer with a few more details I just “remembered” about our encounter at the Quality Inn!

Mom hardly talked the whole way home from Cary. She seems distracted...distant. When I said goodnight to her, she replied, “Goodnight, Clay.” I wonder what that’s all about?

John

* * *

August 11, 2007

Dear Diary,

I have to admit I felt somewhat “used” when my son said he was taking me to see a Clay Aiken concert as a gift. I would have been far happier if he’d agree to pay my cable bill...or pay the electric bill...or even clean his room. But instead he planned to take me to a concert featuring an American Idol RUNNER UP! (Couldn’t he at least have gotten me tickets for a winner like Ruben...or Kelly Clarkson...even Taylor Hicks?) I really had no interest in seeing Clay Aiken. That young man had inflicted quite enough grief on the lives of the Paulus family, even causing my son the Green Beret to lose his realtor job and become a porno star!

But even after all that trouble, I’m still a mother, and my greatest wish is to see my children happy. So when Johnny invited me to this concert, rented a stretch limo, and sent me off to have my hair and make-up done, I went along with it for his sake.

We arrived late for the concert and Johnny made quite an entrance into the audience, yet all the other people there studiously kept their backs turned to him and didn’t acknowledge him in any way. My heart began to ache for him.

Then MR. CLAY AIKEN took the stage and I no longer thought about Johnny....

I looked around at the audience -- all women my age and older -- swooning and screaming. I thought, “What do they see in this kid that I don't see?” Then I began to compare Clay to my own spawn. There was Clay, looking so tall and my son looking so short. Clay holding an audience of several thousand in the palm of his hand, my son being ignored by several thousand. Random thoughts flew wildly through my mind: gnats versus songbirds! gherkins versus waldos! the love-that-dare-not-speak-its-name versus what that manly, macho stud on stage was doing to my quivering ovaries! Oh, was I glad I was wearing fresh make-up! If I’d been wearing a thong, I guarantee, it would now be laying at Clay’s feet on that stage.

Laws’ of Mercy and Good Golly Molly -- I’D BEEN CLAYVERTED!!!!!

Where else can you find a kid who sings the slow ballads of my generation? Recalls the TV shows I grew up with in his “television medley”? And even lets his mama up on stage to dance?

Well, I’d better put my diary away and get to work. So much to do today. I’m so eager to become a full-fledged member of the Claynation. First I have to find an itinerary of Clayby’s concert tour. I’ll be off to Ashville soon. But first I need to turn my car into a clambulance, make a Flat Clay to ride along with me, create a screen name for the Clayboard (Green Beret Mom? Clay’s Hook-up-in-Law? Quality Inn Ma? Fistler’s Mother?) Plus I need to run out to Walmart and pick up a few dozen copies of ATDW. Yes, I’ll be spending my children’s inheritance -- but I’ll be spending it all on Clay, Clay, Wonderful, Beautiful, Superlative Clay!

S. Paulus

This is the Night

2007-08-10T06:42:00.000-04:00

Romeo and Juliet. Sampson and Delilah. Scarlett and Rhett.

Clay and John Paulus?

Okay, it was never destined to be one of the great romances of all time.

If it was a movie, it probably wouldn't be An Affair to Remember. More like Fatal Attraction without the bunny rabbit.

But it did make a good soap opera. The Clays of Our Lives. As the World Quarter Turns.

And tonight we get a new episode!

More than eighteen months after their ill-fated hook-up at the Quality Inn (an eighteen months filled with public allegations by Paulus, shifty non-denial denials by Aiken, as well as retractions, rapprochements, and retaliations), the two will meet again at tonight's concert in Cary.

JP is showing up in a stretch limo with his mother. Will he be turned away at the gates by Jerome? Welcomed by an army of Claymats ready to scratch his eyes out? Or given a backstage pass to visit Clay after the show?

Will Clay cancel his show at the last minute, claiming he's stuck in New York or stuck on the road with a flat tire (only Morgan Rowan will know where he is for sure. C'mon, that ring she gave him has GOT to have a global positioning device secretly built into it!) Will he speed through the concert with a lot less "banter" just to get the whole thing done and over with? Or will he give a shout out to JP from the stage and even dedicate a number to him -- possibly The Shoop-shoop Song (It's in His Fist)?

We'll find out tonight. It's a cellcert that shouldn't be missed.

(Thanks to an anonymous blogger for this entry.)

Clay Makes a Boob of Himself in Magazine Interview

2007-08-09T08:42:00.001-04:00

THE GYNECOMASTIA GAZETTE
The Magazine for Men Who Have Something to Get Off Their Chests

September 2007

COVER STORY: An Uplifting Interview with Clay Aiken

Meet Clay Aiken. Raleigh native. Former teacher. American Idol runner-up. And no stranger to gynecomastia. "I spent my life being embarrassed," the singer sadly admits. "Often I'd wear two, three, even four shirts at a time. People wondered if I had something to hide. I did."

Ever since high school, Aiken had been ashamed of his oversized chest. "It wasn't too bad during all those long, long years I was a teacher" (Aiken refuses to say exactly how many years he actually spent teaching) "but when I became famous as a result of American Idol, things got really out of hand. My fans began analyzing every photo of me. I cringed each time I saw a picture of my chest on the message boards and was furious when my fans, the Claymates, began referring to my ‘cloobies.’" Though disgusted and angry by the terminology, Aiken admits that he did go ahead and trademark the term "cloobies."

A recent weight gain didn't help. "My spirits were really sagging," says Aiken, "and so were my...cloobies."

The top-heavy Aiken began to experiment with chest-binding, but a disastrous performance of "All is Well" at a Christmas concert put an end to that. "I couldn't hit the glory note at the end," he says. "I started to sing the word 'well' and felt the duct tape I’d wrapped around my chest start to rip loose. That last note ended up sounding like a Tarzan yell." Faced with the prospect of more "Tarzan yells" in his summer concert series, Aiken admits, "I was flat-out scared. Well, maybe 'flat' is the wrong word. But I knew I couldn't keep singing with my chest wrapped in thirty yards of tape. My entertainment career would go bust."

That's what Aiken decided to take matters into his own hands. "Rather than be ashamed of this issue, I decided to come out of the closet...I mean, in terms of my appearance.” Over the break between concert tours, Aiken designed a number of form-fitting undergarments that keep his "cloobies" securely in place and prevent them from interfering with his glory notes. "Now I'm proud to take off my jacket during my TV medley and do the George Jefferson dance," says Aiken, who refuses to call his new undergarments "brassieres" or "bras" because "those things are for women and I'm not into women. Their clothes, I mean." Aiken admits that each of his undergarments is a little different, with some covering his "cloobies" while others emphasis his pigeon chest with if-you’ve-got-it-why-not-flaunt-it abandon. "I get a kick out of reading the fan boards," he titters. "One night they’ll post pictures of me and it looks like I'm wearing a Double D and the next night it looks like I'm flat as a board. My chest has been going up and down like the stock market all summer. I like to keep my mates guessing."

But now Aiken has decided to market his undergarments to other men with cloobies. "Although, technically other men can't HAVE cloobies," said Aiken, "since I trademarked the word for myself. I'M the only one with cloobies!" But he does have words of advice for other top-heavy guys: "Sometimes you’ve just got to make the ‘breast’ of a bad situation!" What about men who will knock him for reveling in his large chest? “Those are knockers I choose to ignore,” he states with determination.

In the above pictorial, Aiken models some of his latest creations "for men only."

Photo one is the Mezghan Model Undergarment that provides real support for real men. Aiken used his own hands and shaved arms as the model for this ultra-strong item. Comes in bronze, silver, and stainless steel and should not be worn through airport security lines.

Photo two is a "soft and lacy undergarment" with extra cushiony support. "When I wore the Mezghan Model while doing the When Doves Cry dance with my back-up singer, she came away with bruises on her back." This extra comfortable model is scented like "fresh laundry" and comes in a variety of colors including Manhunter Mauve, Paulus Peach, and VSG Violet.

Photo three shows the sexy and slimming full-body corset which provides needed support above and hides midriff bulge below on those days when one Krispy Kreme just isn't enough.

All of Clay Aiken's undergarments can be purchased at his concert souvenier booth and the Clederick's of Hollywood catalog.

Claymates Attack Reviewer of a Clay Aiken Concert

2007-08-07T14:27:00.000-04:00

Clay exhorts his Claymates to "kick butt" and they obey. One of the only legitimate media reviews of a Clay Aiken concert was recently written by Ben Wener, a music critic for the Orange County Register. This review was a detailed, thorough account and critique of Clay’s recent concert at the Greek Theater. Here is the review:

http://www.ocregister.com/entertainment/clay-aiken-manilow-1798759-night-vegas

” Sunday, August 5, 2007
Clay Aiken not quite a Manilow in the making
Review: The natural entertainer's Greek debut suggests he is on the right road to Vegas, however.
By BEN WENER
The Orange County Register

I've been telling my mother for years now that Clay Aiken is Vegas-bound.

You remember my mother, don't you? Name's Candy. She's a sweetheart. Ask anyone.

Start with any of the 150 people who got one of the glow sticks she handed out Saturday night at Clay's Greek Theatre debut.

You read that right: 150. That's the count my sister Jennifer gave me, anyway, and she helped pass 'em around. I imagine my mother's gal pals in Clay's Clackhouse were in on the plan, but whoever was chiefly responsible, I did see at least 150 glow sticks shoot up and wave all around me when Clay went into "Because You Loved Me," that evil Celine Dion song, to close his show.

That's a Vegas finish if there ever was one, though not all of Clay's selections this night were so insufferable. Well, "Right Here Waiting" was, but I've always liked Dolly Parton's "Here You Come Again" and Hall & Oates' (and Paul Young's) "Every Time You Go Away," while Elton John's "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word" and Harry Nilsson's (not Celine's) "Without You" are classics in my book. (Hate how Clay sings those last two, however.)

Also part of his show: two odd, hackneyed medleys. The first was devoted to more than a dozen TV themes, from "Full House" and "Charles in Charge" to "The Jeffersons" and "WKRP in Cincinnati." The second was even sillier. After a painfully drawn-out lead-in about how uncool he is, Clay set about proving it by tackling tunes he facetiously figures might make one cool: "Baby Got Back" and "O.P.P.," for example, and "Yeah!" and "SexyBack," and from the country world "Achy Breaky Heart" and "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy."

It was all a bit befuddling. I know he's doing what he has to for an album (the widely panned "A Thousand Different Ways") he didn't want to make in the first place, and I appreciate the cheekiness of calling this trek The Soft Rock in Hard Place Tour. (Though really, Clay … "Rock"?) But am I mistaken, or wasn't he hoping to avoid such just-a-cute-entertainer pigeonholing?

Not that he's ever succeeded at that. I've always insisted he's Vegas-bound, much to my mother's dismay, not only because his voice is made for Sin City's revue distractions but because he performs like he wants to headline a destination show there before he's 40. Yes, he sought to make this last record an original goopy-glossy production, and instead got a "mandate" (his word for it Saturday night) to cut a remakes-heavy homage to the last quarter-century's most blah ballads. But what was his covers-crazy Jukebox Tour of 2005 all about, then? And what of his three Christmas jaunts since 2004?

Presumably Clay has much more control over his live output than he currently does with recordings, and still he has presented himself as an old-fashioned entertainer, the sort who might regularly put out discs like "A Thousand Different Ways" and then embark on a slow-songs-with-orchestra outing like this one. Only during "Measure of a Man" (which got me to clap when his covers didn't) and his co-written but shakily executed song "Lover All Alone" did Clay seize the opportunity to veer into something different – something to suggest he really wants to be contemporary.

Otherwise, he behaves like Barry Manilow, the soft-pop icon who has undertaken similar tours in the past – and whose routine now plays best in Vegas.

Clay invoked Manilow's name twice Saturday to top off self-effacing quips: "Only me and Barry," that's who gives you nights like this. At times, though, it seemed as if he'd been studying Manilow's playbook, incorporating some old tricks into his shtick.

His talented, naturally engaging supporting vocalists, for instance – Quiana Parler and Angela Fisher – are not unlike Ladyflash, Manilow's toned-down version of Bette Midler's Harlettes. Just as 30 years ago Manilow would detour into his "Very Strange Medley" (a hodgepodge of jingles you'd never have guessed he wrote), so does Clay indulge his TV tribute and "uncool" roundup. He even repeats the master's stock lines, placating husbands who got dragged to his show by reminding them they might get lucky later that night.

That's straight out of Manilow 101 – as is decrying radio with these-kids-today disdain, which Clay did more than once to hearty applause from a largely older and female crowd (a devoted fan base that nonetheless fell far short of filling the Greek). But, see, Manilow can get away with bagging on the new because he once dominated – and still co-rules his domain. He remains a soft-pop maestro, a gifted pianist of considerable variety, and a strong, distinctive vocalist. Clay is just Clay – a nice charmer with an undeniably powerful (albeit hardly to all tastes) voice that is already showing signs of strain and aimlessness when he goes for glory notes these days.

Clay will never be but a fraction as talented as Manilow, something he surely realizes, but you can't deny he's on the right track. He's got a witty way about himself, and banters off-the-cuff exceptionally well. Mind you, he almost talked here as much as he sang – not entirely a bad thing – and his habit of tumbling into and out of songs while chuckling isn't cute so much as unprofessional. But I found his asides more appealing than his songs, just as I enjoy his interviews with Jimmy Kimmel more than his performances whenever he's on.

If he'd just settle into this as a career path – and maybe he is – he still has a very promising future as a new sort of Wayne Newton. That said, Mom, if you don't mind, I think I'll stay in the casino while you catch whatever he puts together next. Let me know if things ever start tightening up.”

On posting this review, the Claymates immediately went into attack mode, posting the most vicious and excessively-unfair personal attacks in responses to this review. Not only did they flood this site with vile comments, but they systematically removed responses that were posted in support of Mr. Wener’s review, and on reposting by the website, repeatedly removed them again and again. In response to these attacks, Mr. Wener posted this rebuttal, pointing out aspects of his review that were clear to anyone who was not a Claymate.

http://soundcheck.freedomblogging.com/2007/08/07/clay-aiken-update-just-for-the-record/

”Clay Aiken update: Just for the record …
August 7th, 2007 · Post a Comment · posted by bwener

I had my say about Clay Aiken. Thousands of you had your say. Now, despite the risk of further fanning hateful flames, I’d like to respond.

1) I love my mother very, very much, and she knows it. How dare you suggest otherwise – or contend that, simply because I choose to occasionally write about her Clay Aiken obsession (and VERY briefly this time, I might add), I must have some crazy mommy issues to work out. (Who are you people?) Terming it an obsession, by the way, isn’t mocking her – she’s joked about it as such in the past, though she’d prefer to call it a “passion.” But I freely admit I have teased and even given my mom a hard time about her Clay adoration in the past – and in print, when she sometimes would rather I kept her out of the Register’s pages altogether.

To do so, however – to act like her intense devotion doesn’t exist – would be some kind of lie, a betrayal of everything I’ve honestly written about Aiken, with regard to my mom’s superfan loyalty to him. From the second he caught on via “American Idol” four years ago, the ups and downs of his career have been a regular topic between us. That constancy cannot help but get intertwined with my appreciation (or lack thereof) of his career – which is why I’ve openly made it a part of my Clay-related writing all along.

Mind you, I evaluate Clay each time out in the same fashion, just as I would anyone else. I start with as open a mind as possible. (Given that I’ve already heard his albums and seen previous shows, yes, I do have some preconceived notions, as anyone would - critic or not.) I do my best to tune out others’ opinions, lest they influence my own – then I form an argument for or against, or neither, while trying to take into account the audience response I’ve witnessed, particularly if it’s markedly different from my own.

To ignore my mother’s presence at a Clay show – particularly when she’s involved in passing out glow sticks, thus making her presence known – well, that goes beyond mere opinion writing and crosses over into colorful background, details to help people who weren’t there (and who very likely aren’t devoted Clay fans) a sense of what it was like to be at the Greek and see a wave of glow sticks suddenly go up all around you. (My sister would like me to report that there were some thousand or so on site - many more than they handed out.) Either way, were it something someone else sitting near me had instigated, wouldn’t I write about it? Why would it be any different just because my mom had a hand in it? In fact, that’s even more reason to include such a detail – it’s my mom.

But where and how exactly did I ridicule her? I said she’s a sweetheart – “ask anyone.” That was not meant sarcastically. She’s one of those warm and caring spirits whose mere presence tends to instantly put people at ease. In my three decades or so of introducing friends to her, every one of them has at some point come away saying, “Your mom is just the nicest person!” If she’s Debbie Reynolds, all sunshine and smiles, then I’m her Carrie Fisher. Yet nothing comes between us – least of all Clay. I wouldn’t know how to mock her kindness, and I think it’s clear I wasn’t trying to. I was only acknowledging, for the sake of those who have read other chapters of this saga, that my mother was in attendance, handing out glow sticks to friends and strangers, and having a blast.

Read it back again: Do I say anything more about her? I spot only two other mentions (which hardly adds up to “half the review,” as so many contend). One comment reiterates my opening statement, referencing my mother’s dismay that I would consider Clay Vegas-bound, for she, like so many of his staunchest fans, often takes grave offense at that suggestion because they want bigger things for him. (Although what, I wonder, is so horrible about being big in Vegas? I like Wayne Newton just fine, Barry Manilow even more, I love Elton John and have at least respect for Celine Dion’s international appeal. There’s hardly any failure in becoming a Vegas star – Elvis and Sinatra were ones. Clay should be so lucky.)

The only other comment involving my mom is the only one actually directed to her – my parting line, where I tell her that next time I’ll take a pass when it comes to Clay’s show. “Let me know if things ever start tightening up,” I added, for I’m not now nor have I ever been out-and-out anti-Clay. I don’t see the miraculous gifts so many of his fans do, but I have always taken notice of his affable charm and vocal prowess. I don’t put it past him to pull together a better show someday – something I trust my mother to notify me about when the time comes.

How it is that all of this was misconstrued – that for whatever reason I was somehow out to get my mother with this review – is positively beyond me. I can’t help but think that the people who have been saying loathsome personal things about me (”fantastically unwarranted,” as my wife Roxanne put it) are still carrying baggage from the column I wrote last year, which was unquestionably more personal and mom-centric. I can’t help but think they were looking for a way to harangue me, simply for not liking their hero. But that’s all I did – criticized Clay the way I would anyone else I feel isn’t up to snuff. (I doubt any of these readers would have nearly so many problems with, say, my recent slam of Fergie.)

“Writing reviews just to trash your mother is a very sad thing,” one commenter wrote. I agree. Really glad I didn’t do that to her.

2) “I hope your superiors call you on this drivel that does not pass for a review,” one ranter wrote. “”If you’re getting paid to write reviews, you are not doing your job, at least in this case.” Then she adds: “I haven’t seen any of your other attempts.” Thanks for keeping up. But to put your mind at ease, my “superiors” haven’t the slightest problem with my review. One editor even praised it, and thought the details about my mother were sweet. It’s incredible, I know, but critics typically aren’t fired because they don’t like something everyone else does.

Also, regarding this business of comments at the end of the review disappearing and reappearing and disappearing again – I have nothing to do with this, and have been doing everything I can to restore any and all comments when they get deleted for no good reason, whether they’re for or against me. Everyone has the right to sound off – to fiddle with that forum would be to condone censorship. It is, however, a self-policing tool - two strikes and the comment is removed. Our web editors are trying to restore comments whenever they are unnecessarily deleted.

However, I so far cannot explain how the vote count (something else I have no part in) went from being 400-plus for and 400-plus against to now being, at last check, 82-29 in favor of the ayes. I wonder if that counter rolls over at 500.

3) The two charges of inaccuracy or gross unfairness that have been lobbed my way involve Barry Manilow and dry SoCal air. About the first: Many felt I should have known that Manilow (apparently on “Oprah” or in some other interview) has said that he thinks Clay has a much better voice than his own. To which I say: Good for Barry, though I wonder if he was just being modest, as he often is. Regardless, just because Barry thinks Clay sings better than him doesn’t mean I do. (Differ all you like.)

As for the dry SoCal air concern, some readers felt I should have been kinder about the evident strain in Clay’s upper register because he was having difficulty combating the outdoor air (most of his other shows had been indoors). If he mentioned something about it at the show, I didn’t catch it – I’m human. Still, such conditions are what singers face from time to time. The best overcome such occasional adversity. That such a young performer with routinely had wobbliness on his higher notes tells me something. It’s worth singling out.

4) “If you don’t like him, why bother writing about him?” Again, I don’t hate him. And to let hundreds of his angriest fans browbeat me into never considering him again lets them win. I will continue to judge his work when it seems necessary. I’ll stop bothering when and if it seems everyone else has, too.

… Ben
StumbleUpon Clay Aiken update: Just for the record … Stumble it!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 7th, 2007 at 1:10 am and is filed under Sounding Off: News & Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.”

This is a prime example of how the Claymates operate and why they are unlike any other celebrity’s fanbase. In fact, they more closely resemble a cult, and their obsessive, rabid defense of a pop singer who has perpetrated a fraudulent image has reached a level of sickness and viciousness unprecedented in the history of the music industry. Mr. Wener is to be applauded for his honesty, fairness and integrity in writing both his review and his rebuttle, and for his staunch defense of his opinions in the face of such harassment. Sadly, it's not just critics who draw the wrath of the Claymates, it's anyone who they perceive to be negative about Clay, whether real or not. Worse, Clay boasts about the Claymates' bullying in public.

Clay, stop encouraging your Claymates to "kick butt" in your defense before someone really gets hurt. You are on record as promoting this behavior and will be held liable if any harm comes to anyone.

Claymate Enters Billboard Contest To Write Clay Aiken Concert Review?

2007-08-07T13:00:00.000-04:00

The Claymates are enraptured by a positively glowing review of Clay Aiken’s recent concert at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles, written by Dave Chung, whom they believe to be an official reviewer for Billboard magazine. His review is posted on Billboard’s “Mobile Beat Blog”:

http://billboard.blogs.com/mobile_beat/

” WELCOME TO THE MOBILE BEAT BLOG!
Hundreds of live shows, 26 bloggers, 17 cities, one summer. Billboard.com has turned over this concert season to a small army of our readers. Armed with a blogging-ready LG camera phone, who will come up with the coolest coverage of live summer? Come back often to check out their latest photos and reviews and you judge.“

Here is his review:

http://billboard.blogs.com/mobile_beat/post_DC.html

On reading this review, it becomes clear immediately that the writer, Dave Chung, is a Clay Aiken fan (who owns Clay’s CD’s) and a reader who recently won one of the 26 spots as amateur reviewer by entering the “Mobile Beat Competition” contest:

http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/mobile/index.jsp

”Complete 2 blog 4 Billboard w/LG Phone Welcome! This is your chance to enter to win press access to some of the hottest music acts in the country and a sleek new camera phone from LG. Here at Billboard, we'll choose dozens of winners to attend local concerts, festivals and shows for free throughout the summer in our Mobile Beat competition. If you are a lucky winner, you will receive up close and personal Billboard press access to concerts in your area. What you will need to do for us is take photos at the show and send us your review for posting on our special Billboard blog page. Seriously, how cool is that!?!? Just follow these simple instructions on how to enter and you could end up with one of the hottest prizes of the year. * First off, get creative and send us the coolest photo mashup you can come up with - and yes, they have to be your photos and yes, they need to be safe. Keep them clean too, please. * Then, in 100 words or less, tell us why you want to be a Billboard blogger in our Mobile Beat contest. * We'll then choose a bunch of winners and mid-June they will be announced and ready to hit the hot summer concert circuit. The only requirements are that you need to be at least 18 years or older and ready to deliver mini reviews and photos from your brand new LG camera phone on a regular basis. Good luck!”

Furthermore, Dave joined a Clay Aiken fan message board before writing his review, suggesting that he was perhaps more than a casual fan or wanted to make friends with members of Clay’s large and extremely enthusiastic Internet fanbase.

http://www.claymaniacs.com/forums/index.php/topic,14668.0.html

“DaveChung
Claynewbie
*
Offline Offline

Posts: 10

My review of Clay's Concert in Los Angeles for Billboard.com
« on: August 05, 2007, 06:22:35 PM »

Hi Claymaniacs!

Thanks for all your help in preparing me for my first Clay Aiken concert this week Smile I had a great time at the show!

I am a writer for Billboard.com and I'm currently in a blogging competition covering concerts all summer long for Billboard. I'd love it if you guys could check out my review and leave a comment on the Billboard page (one of the ways the competition is being judged) to let me know you've stopped in! It's such a great community here on Claymaniacs and I'd really appreciate all your guys' support! I hope it'll be some great exposure for Clay and I think it's a fun read as well.

http://billboard.blogs.com/mobile_beat/2007/08/clay-aiken-the-.html#more I've covered a bunch of other shows this summer, which can be found here http://billboard.blogs.com/mobile_beat/post_DC.html as well. Thanks so much Claymaniacs and see you at the next show! Sincerely, Dave Chung”

In reality, Dave Chung is not “a writer for Billboard.com” in the sense of being a legitimate staff member, but he is simply someone who won a position as an amateur reviewer in the “Mobile Beat” contest run by Billboard to recruit readers of Billboard magazine and a possible Claymate. Dave has actively promoted this review on various Internet sites, including a Carrie Underwood blog where he wrote the following:

http://blogweber.com/carrie-underwood/?p=1499

” Hey Carriefans!

I checked out fellow American Idol alumnus (though he didn’t win like our Carrie) Clay Aiken’s show in Los Angeles this past weekend for Billboard.com. It wasn’t quite the experience that it was with Carrie’s show a couple weeks back, but I had a great time!

I think it’s a fun read, perhaps not as action packed as my Carrie write up, but I’d appreciate it if you guys could check it out and leave a comment to let me know you stopped in!

Clay Aiken Concert Report

Thanks guys!”

Dave is obviously an enthusiastic Carrie fan. It’s understandable why Dave was so excited by Carrie’s concert, since he got to meet her. Dave’s recap of Carrie’s concert can be found here:

http://billboard.blogs.com/mobile_beat/2007/07/carrie-underwoo.html#more

So, unlike the more tempered review by Ben Wener, a respected, professional music critic and writer at the Orange County Register ( http://www.ocregister.com/entertainment/clay-aiken-manilow-1798759-night-vegas
), the Claymates are lauding the review by Dave Chung and regarding it as an official music industry review of Clay’s concert by Billboard magazine.

Sorry, Claymates. Although Dave’s reviews are certainly fun to read and enthusiastically written, they do not qualify as legitimate music industry reviews. Instead, these reviews should be regarded as no more or less than they are – amateur recaps written by readers of Billboard magazine recruited to cover the various summer concerts.

So Claymates, by all means, shower Dave with your praise and compliments, and give his reviews lots of hits. That will go a long way towards helping him win the “Mobile Beat” competition. It looks like Dave made a very wise choice in attending Clay’s concert and writing a review that he knew would be so popular to Claynation. ;)

Clay Aiken's Mother Calls "Chexxxy".

2007-08-05T23:52:00.000-04:00

I received this from an anonymous source, so I have no way to verify it's authenticity, but I figured, what the hell, I'll post it and share it.

It causes one to wonder why out of all of Clay Aiken's fans, Faye would choose to call Chexxxy.

Chexxxy is notorious in Clayland for being one of the most psychotic bitches there are. She harasses people, posts their personal information and indulges in behavior that perhaps crosses the line into criminal areas in her insane crusade to potentially do harm to or intimidate anyone who DARES to not agree with her deluded views about Clay Aiken.

Apparently, it is STILL Chexxxy's goal to see the OFC message board shut down and shared her thoughts about it with Faye. Chexxxy doesn't care about the other Clay Aiken fans who enjoy the message board. All Chexxxy has ever cared about is her own sick agenda.

Chexxxy is a bully. Didn't Faye Parker tell Clay Aiken to ignore bullies? It would serve Faye well to take her own advice.

From Chexxxysplace.com, from Chexxxy Aug 3 2007, 02:09 AM
Post #60

So, we either had a productive conversation or I'm on THE LIST. No way to know for sure.

Faye called me from her car. She was on her way to the pre party and was running late. It was about 5:15. She told me right off that she had me on speaker phone so she could drive.

After a few pleasantries that were nothing to report, I asked her if she would be OK talking about something that a lot of fans and I are concerned about. I told her that the OFC website is a good thing and that his blogs, the updates and tour info were a good promotional tool but that the message board is another thing altogether. I told her that it is over-run by trolls, haters and OCers, each with their own reasons for being there and that it wasn't to be a fan as much as it is to upset the fans.

She said that she doesn't read the board and really knows nothing about it but her attitude is to just ignore ignore ignore.

I told her that I agree that ignore is good at times but that in the case of the OFCMB it isn't going to work. The OFC is one of the first places that new fans experience the fandom and that most of the real fans have been driven away by the OCers and the haters.

I told her that 2 of the mods have friends that are OCers and that they give them free reign to post their " He's so girly " crap and anyone that protests it are shut down by those mods and called homophobic.

She said she had heard that the board was shut down a few weeks ago (her estimate). I told her that I witnessed it ( Ha) and explained that it happened because one of the mods posted a gossip article on the board and that the fans objected to it. I told her that the mod thought there was nothing wrong with it and that she thought it was funny and despite all requests to remove it she refused and that the other mod supported her, therefore it caused the major upset.

She asked my why I thought anyone would buy a membership if they weren't fans. I replied that 30 dollars a year is cheap entertainment if you enjoy upsetting Clay's fans and you get to bash Clay all you want as a bonus because the mods protect their right to free speech more than respect for Clay.

She said that it made sense to her that the fans would want to see him treated with respect. I agreed with her. I then suggested to her that if she wanted to know what my solution would be, I would recommend deleting the message board since it does more harm than good. She said she didn't know much about these things.

I told her that other stars had deleted theirs before for the same reasons and that Clay would not be the first.

Then she started to say she would need to go soon because she was almost at the party, I asked her if there was a tidbit she could give me to share with the board. She told me about AYSTAFG. I laughed and said that I was looking forward to that. She laughed and said " Oh of course you already knew about that. You guys know everything before I do."

I asked if I could ask her one more question. She said OK, so I asked her if Clay was going to get himself his own publicist anytime soon. She said he has a publicist. I said " You mean Roger?" she said yes and that he's done good work for Clay before. I said " Not so much any more" I asked her if she knew that Roger has some not so nice things that he's said in the past and that fans have witnessed it. She said no, she didn't know that. I told her that if I had one wish for Clay's future it would be to have a publicist that works for Clay and not for RCA. She said maybe his management could set him up with someone. I said "Yes, please have him look into it".

Then she told me it was a pleasure talking to me and how wonderful the fans are and she thanked me for supporting her son.

ETA: Oh I should add that we did talk about Chexxxy's a bit, I bragged about us a bit and then she wanted to know if it was chexxxysplace.com and I said that it was.

So, we either had a productive conversation or I'm on THE LIST. No way to know for sure.

I think she WAS very guarded. I think she was also very interested in my POV. She didn't SAY a lot but she prompted me for more at times. That fit well with what I hoped to accomplish, which was not to pump her for information, but to hopefully give her something to think over and that if she heard something similar from others that she would remember. It might take a drip drip drip to get them to listen and take those things seriously. One fan (me) isn't going to accomplish much but the totality may eventually make the difference.

She was very easy to talk to. It was like talking to someone you immediately feel could be a friend if circumstances allowed. I liked her very much.

Just a question......why do some think shutting down the message board at OFC is the thing to do in this situation? There are other options such as trashing the current version and bringing in a new admin and moderation team.

To me its the logical solution.

Non-fan mods would never understand or be able to moderate at full effectiveness without knowing the fan history, the undercurrents, the various factions and the agendas of the various haters. Most fanwar veterans are expert at the passive aggressive and the innuendo so those mods would be taken advantage of and manipulated the same way the current mods have been.

A new set of fan mods would already have affiliations and a solidified set of expectations on what they consider the right way to be a fan and friends and board affiliations that are in place. It would be very difficult to be impartial and fair. To use myself as an example, I'd try very hard to be as fair as the job requires but I'd find some people would irritate me more than others, simply because I "know" their history, their friends and their agenda.

One thing that is a mistake on how it is set up with Clique is that Clique knows nothing about Clay or his fans, the mods have no power to really moderate because Clique admin is not responsive in a timely fashion and the mods can't do anything much without asking Clique and Clique is making decisions without knowing the whole story. God knows what the mods tell them and how its presented. The mods can't ban or suspend anyone (and in the case of these mods, that's a good thing) but without any discretionary powers, these mods are just an irritant.

Quite a few other stars have had the same eventual outcome. The haters, fame whores, trolls and the real fans battle it out until the star finally gets fed up and nixes it.

Clay Aiken Fans! Do These Symptoms Sound Familiar? There Is HELP Available!

2007-08-04T19:50:00.000-04:00

From the Desk of Dr. William H. Fontaine, M.D.

Several months ago, I was visited by a new patient, a stout, 58-year-old female we will call "Mrs. A" . Her presenting ailment was extreme bruising on her hands, elbows. breasts, genitals, and knees. "Mrs. A" told me she had tripped on the sidewalk and, after ascertaining that she had no broken bones, fractures, or deep-muscle contusions, I prescribed the appropriate medication and told her to return in two weeks. Upon her return, I was shocked to discover even more bruising and abrasions in the areas noted above. She claimed another fall on the sidewalk, but I firmly insisted she get to the truth of the matter. After some hemming and hawing, she admitted that she is what is known as a "Claymate" -- or a fan of the entertainer and American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken. With some embarrassment, she revealed that the bruising and abrasions occurred due to a large paper figure known as "Flat Clay" . Apparently this paper figure was kept propped against a wall in the "Clay Room" of "Mrs. A's" home. At various times of the day I could not help myself, "Mrs. A" admitted she would fling herself against this figure, bumping and grinding in pretend sexual intercourse. Other times she would lay the figure on the ground and throw herself upon it, while gyrating and screaming, "Clay! Waldo! Clay! Waldo!" and causing further injuries.

In due course, several of "Mrs. A's" friends were referred to my practice, all suffering from physical and psychological illnesses associated with being Claymates. I have compiled a list of these maladies so that other physicians will know what to look for when treating a certain faction of their patients. In my experience, most Claymates are female, post-menopausal, overweight, and suffer from low self-esteem.

Among the illnesses I have identified:

Achin' Feet: Condition that occurs when patient stands in the cold and rain for two hours, hoping to make a deep personal connection with Mr. Aiken as he ever-so-briefly shakes her hand beside his bus.

Betsy Wetsy Sickness: When a patient dissolves into tears every time they hear a Clay Aiken song on the radio, see his picture in the newspaper, or hear his name mentioned. The patient will usually seek attention by loudly announcing "I cant stop crying!" during these events. In extreme cases, they will also wet their pants.

Clemorrhoids: A condition that occurs when the patient has her head so far up Mr. Aiken's ass that all she can see are his rotting insides.

Crushed pelvis and broken legs: What occurs when the increasingly chunky Mr. Aiken falls off the stage and into the laps of those sitting in the front row.

Note: Some Claymates prefer to leave these injuries untreated and remain handicapped for life, viewing these injuries as souvenirs of the concert experience.

Eardrum puncture: an injury that occurs when a patient sticks a conductors baton into her own ear while demonstrating Mr. Aiken's "hilarious" concert antics to her familly and friends. There have also been reports of punctured eardrums from those in the audience when Mr. Aiken tried to sing the last note of "All is Well" at last years Christmas concert.

Frigid Cardiopathy (AKA Cold Heart Syndrome): Patient would rather attend Clay Aiken's Christmas Concert for the ninth time than attend her own daughter's wedding; in another case, a patient skipped her husband's funeral so she could listen to a live cellcert.

Hawt flashes: Menopausal syndrome.

High blood sugar: A condition experienced by anyone who attended Mr. Aiken's treacly, sugarcoated Christmas play about a woman who lost the spirit of the holidays.

Hyena Syndrome: A condition in which the patient laughs loudly and hysterically at every word of Mr. Aiken's banter, even though almost none of it merits laughter.

Itza My Birthday Too Syndrome: This malady is named for a line from the classic sitcom "I LOVE LUCY". In one episode, Lucy Ricardo is visiting Italy and missing her young son on his birthday. She meets an Italian street urchin who tells her, "Itza my birthday too!" so she decides to throw a party for this boy in Little Ricky's absence. Getting wind of free cake and gifts, more and more children show up announcing, "Itza my birthday too!". This illness is played out among the Claymate's in a similar fashion. When Mr. Aiken announced he does not like Mexican food, several Claymate's (many of whom ate at Taco Bell the day before) suddenly announced, "Ive always hated that dry, pasty food too!". When Mr. Aiken announced he was taking Paxil, we received calls from over twenty patients asking for prescriptions to Paxil.

Loss of circulation: This occurs to a Claymate's lower extremities when she tries to squeeze her size XXX body into a medium-size Clay thong.

Mod Malady: Psychological condition in which the phrase "I'm going to lock this now" is repeated thousands of times throughout day for no real reason.

Oklahoman Larynx Condition: Syndrome in which all speech is bellowed, rather than spoken.

Repetitive Behavior: Psychological condition in which patient is compelled to buy dozens of copies of each Aiken album and vote hundreds of times in any Aiken-related poll

Selective Vision: An optical condition in which a Claymate can identify one of Mr. Aiken's stray nose hairs at thirty feet, but a clear and uncompromised photograph taken by a webcam is deemed photoshopped.

Thudding: A "Clay-ism" for passing out due to Mr. Aiken's (appearance, voice, smile, shaved arms, attitude, hairstyle, stubble, rings, TV theme medley, or many other factors.) Frequently a Claymate will fall on her head and become mentally imbalanced. Some doctors have suggested that such patients were already mentally imbalanced to begin with -- a condition that drew them Mr. Aiken in the first place.

Note: Many of the above illnesses and injuries are treatable! Patients need only visit the "medicine chest" at www.clayaikenfraudsquad.com.

Thanks to Calliyuck for another very funny satire!

Clay Aiken in California! Showing One Of His Favorite Sexual Techniques!

2007-08-03T15:20:00.000-04:00

Clay Aiken has three more shows in California, tonight at Pala, tomorrow at the Greek and Sunday in Indio.

It will be interesting to see the reception and attendance at these shows, especially at the Greek, given all of the uncomplimentary things Clay Aiken has had to say about the people and performers in Los Angeles.

This is how the sales are looking so far, but keep in mind that the number of Claymates who ridiculously attend multiple shows will account for a lot of the seats filled. Without them, no doubt the attendance would be pitiful.

Pala CA FRI 8/03 7:30PM, On sale 3/23, 2,200

06/30 10AM 4w 6d

-Tickets selling steadily.

-$55 tickets appear to be nearly sold out.

-300-700 seats appear to be available.

-Projected ticket sales (seats only) 1,600-2,000, 73%-91% of capacity.

Los Angeles CA SAT 8/04 8PM, On sale 4/28, 5,801

06/30 11AM 5w

-Tickets selling slowly.

-No seats or singles only in Pit, Section A, and Section B, capacity.

-No $55 seats available in the front sections of the north and south terraces.

-C sections, benches remain largely available, capacity.

-1,300-2,600 seats appear to be available.

-Projected ticket sales 3,300-4,500, 57%-78% of capacity.

Indio CA SUN 8/05 6PM, On sale 5/04, 4,000

06/30 10AM 5w 1d -

Counting 3,720 available seats. -

Tickets selling steadily, but slowly.

-Few $59 seats available (front floor and front 2 sections of risers).

-Almost all of the rear floor, rear risers, and the bleachers appear to be available.

-1,500-2,300 seats appear to be available.

-Projected ticket sales 1,400-2,300, 38%-62% of capacity.

http://www.theclackhouse.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=4302&sid=c84c4e58ea875ed8fc306783c735b48e

Clay Aiken seemed to be pimping the show at the Greek more than any of the others.

Don't know why that is, but hopefully it will become clear during the cell-certs if anyone can stay awake long enough to report on them!

Clay Aiken Mocks Justin Timberlake

2007-07-30T15:32:00.000-04:00

On the video posted above, you will see Clay Aiken mocking Justin Timberlake.

Since Clay Aiken is seen as a joke in the music industry and by pretty much ALL people who aren't Clay-Mates, he really doesn't have room to be mocking anyone else.

Knowing the jealous bitch that Clay is, he is probably knocking Justin Timberlake because of the success Timberlake has achieved and the respect he has garnered in the recording industry.

Justin is creative and innovative. Clay Aiken is rapidly becoming a has been and it is doubtful that Clay possesses even one creative bone in his body. Ok...maybe one, but it's not musical, and it's not going to benefit his Claymates any. More likely, "Manhunt" conquests are the only ones who know it even exists.

Clay, before you go mocking other REAL artists, you might want to look around your own house and examine your own CD sales and take into account your urging of your followers to "BUY 8 THIS TIME!".

Somehow, I don't picture Justin Timberlake being in the position of having to beg people to buy his music.

The joke is REALLY on YOU, Clay. The joke REALLY IS you, Clay.

Mama's Notes to Clay Aiken: A Satire.

2007-07-29T23:59:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not, I'm in possession of some of the little notes Faye used to put in Clay Aiken's lunch bag every day! Here is a small selection:

KINDERGARTEN:

To my big kindergarten boy,

Why didn’t you wear the nice blue jeans and denim shirt that Mama laid out for you to wear this morning? I could hardly believe it when I saw you skipping out the backdoor wearing your cousin Nancy’s PINK shorts and striped top. Them’s girl-clothes, honey. Did you forget that you were having your school pictures taken today?

Love,
Mama

FIRST GRADE:

Dearest Clayton,

According to your teacher, you never spend recess playing soccer with the other boys. Instead, you prefer to stand on the sidelines and gossip with the little girls in your class. Make an effort to play with boys today; you may surprised how much like it!

Love,
Mama

SECOND GRADE:

Clayton, honey:

Don’t let them mean boys at school hurt your feelings when they tease you about your big ears. Remember, Dumbo has big ears too and he’s a movie star and also a ride at Disneyland. Maybe someday them mean boys will be watching you on a movie screen or havin’ the time of their lives ridin’ you!

Love,
Mama

THIRD GRADE:

Clayton,

I was sorry to hear about that boy in your class holding you upside down over the toilet and dunking you in. But remember: “The Lord sometimes takes us into troubled water not to drown us, but to cleanse us.”

Think about that.

Love,
Mama

FOURTH GRADE:

Dear Clayton,

Sometimes I fear you are not adjusting well to your new step-daddy, Mr. Parker. Putting your skateboard in his path, throwing his electric razor into the tub while he’s taking a bath, and giving him that chocolate (was it REALLY chocolate, Clayton?) cupcake you made in your E-Z Bake Oven all just REEK of barely suppressed anger. I know Ray may not be your favorite person, but he makes Mama happy, unlike that no good, lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch -- may he rot in hell -- SPERM DONOR of yours that mama made the mistake of marrying many years ago. Anyway, please start treating Ray better. The Bible tells us we must respect our elders and show love to everyone.

Love,
Mama

5TH GRADE:

Clayton,

Did you break that vase in the living room??? No, don’t even answer. We’re not going to believe you whatever you say.

Love,
Mama

6TH GRADE

Dear Clayton,

Your step-daddy and I were thrilled to hear your running for student president at your little school. Hurry home after school tonight as I want to tell you about a wonderful plan I have to stuff the ballot boxes with your name.

Love,
Mama

P.S. I hope you didn’t mind having a spam sandwich for lunch today; it was all we had in the house.

7TH GRADE:

Dear Clayton,

Now that you are back to school from your suspension, I hope you will remember to keep your feet off other people’s desks!

Love,
Mama

8TH GRADE:

Dear Clayton,

When I saw you walking out the door to school today, I felt a little nostalgic. Who would believe I gave birth to that six feet tall boy with the size thirteen feet? Thank goodness I still have little Brett with me during the day to keep me feeling young. I love to play games with him, join him in making crafts, and help him look for Waldo in his “Where’s Waldo?” books.

Who would believe any sane, fortysomething, American woman would spend her days looking for Waldo?!?

Love,
Mama

9TH GRADE:

Clayton,

Remember to hurry home from school today. We need to do a final fitting on your Cher costume.

Love,
Mama

10TH GRADE:

Clayton,

I’m not sure I really believe you accidentally ran over Fluffy last night. Brett said it looked like you deliberately steered the car in her direction. Now this afternoon I want you to come directly home from school -- NO GLEE CLUB, NO DRAMA CLUB, NO STANDING AROUND GOSSIPING WITH YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIENDS -- and scrape the remains of that poor kitten off your front tire so we can give it a proper Christian funeral in the backyard. We don’t want the neighbors calling the ASPCA again, like the time you ran over your pet goat with your bicycle.

Sometimes I wonder about you.

Love,
Mama

11th GRADE:

Dear Clayton,

Your step-daddy is not happy with you. This morning when he logged onto his computer to check the stockmarket, he could tell you had been using his computer without permission late last night after we’d all gone to bed. Please don’t do that anymore!

Your lovin’,
Mama

P.S. Who are “valleyprettyboy” and “skippermagee” and why was the keyboard so sticky this morning?

12TH GRADE:

Clayton,

Have you given any thought to who you’ll be taking to the prom? I know you still think girls are “icky” and going to the prom will mean you have to take a bath or shower beforehand, but it would make your stepdaddy and me SO PROUD. Tell the “lucky girl” that I’ll even do up her hair before the big night.

Love,
Mama

P.S. Even if you don’t go to the prom, it still might be a good idea to take a bath or shower once in a while.

Thanks to Calliyuck for a VERY amusing blog!

Where Have All The Claymates Gone?

2007-07-28T12:00:00.000-04:00

Clay Aiken is performing in 23 shows this summer, most of which are scheduled by date and location in groups of 3-4. The majority of these shows are part of summer concert series, either for the venue or the symphony for which Clay is a guest artist, and subscriptions are commonly purchased for these concerts.

Tonight’s performance is at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center, Newark, NJ and is only 30 minutes’ drive from NYC. Considering the proximity to NYC, this small venue is embarrassingly undersold. As of this morning, only 1,571 seats have been sold, and sales have not changed very much for over 7 weeks, only showing that the vast majority who wants to see Clay (= The Claymates) have bought their tickets long ago.

NJPAC, Newark, NJ, 07/28, 8:00 PM, Capacity: 2,750

Ticket sales tracking by the Claymates:

“06/06 11PM – 1,419 seats sold (52%)

Orchestra ($93) - Singles Only - 9 Seats Available
Grand Tier ($83) - 5 Seats Available
First Tier ($83) - 159 Seats Available
Second Tier ($73) - 283 Seats Available
Third Tier ($73) - 327 Seats Available
Fourth Tier A-F ($43) - 269 Seats Available
Fourth Tier G-M ($38) - 279 Seats Available”

http://www.theclackhouse.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=4302&sid=96694e771d0881037b4f9f39f5c7da35

Over 7 weeks later, and as of this morning, only 152 more seats (5%) have been sold.

07/28 7 AM – 1,571 seats sold (57%)

Orchestra ($93) - Singles Only - 6 Seats Available
Grand Tier ($83) - Singles Only - 3 Seats Available
First Tier ($83) - 102 Seats Available
Second Tier ($73) - 216 Seats Available
Third Tier ($73) - 327 Seats Available
Fourth Tier ($43, $38) - 525 Seats Available

http://www.njpac.org/venue_areas.asp

Most other venues have experienced disappointing sales, especially since there appears to be a lot of promotion for Clay’s shows. For example:

Mann Center (capacity: Philadelphia, PA:

http://www.theclackhouse.com/bb/viewtopic.php?p=542275&highlight=diverse&sid=56eae5ccd4049db4f5890bbd5ca39a73

“There wasn't a good turnout (sad because this show was promoted more than any other local show I can remember), but it was a diverse crowd."

Claymate estimates for attendance at the Mann Center in Philly were 2,600, or 18% of capacity.

Meadowbrook, Gilford, NH:

http://p071.ezboard.com/ftheclayboardfrm11.showMessageRange?topicID=321.topic&start=21&stop=40

Two days before this show a Claymate posted:

“I'm going to Meadowbrook this time and I'm just nervous because they are only a little over a half sold. I sure am hoping, :pray since it's a resort area, that maybe people will buy tickets last minute. It's on Wednesday night, and right now there are so many empty seats it scares me. Any of you that want another concert, make arrangements quick for Meadowbrook. Hey, what's another plane ticket, or long drive.”

This Claymate has cause to be concerned. Clay’s audiences at this venue have shrunk substantially since he started touring.

http://www.meadowbrook.net/?dir=about&page=history

"Today the venue consists of 3,097 reserved seats underneath the pavilion roof, 540 reserved lawn seats, and 2,850 general admission lawn seats."

This would mean a maximum capacity of 6,487.

Clay will have played this venue 3 times (including this year). His attendance figures are:

http://www.theclackhouse.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=926&sid=7ca618b11d6f6be267488da95b09bcb0

Clay sold well for the Solo Tour (capacity includes lawn):

Location......Date......Gross.....Att…....Cap....% Att…...AvgTix

Gilford NH..05-Aug-04..$166,892..4,795..5,000..95.9%..$34.81

Sales were down quite a bit for the Jukebox Tour (capacity includes lawn):

Location......Date...…….Gross..….Sold.....Cap...%Sold...AvgTix

Gilford NH..27-Aug-05..$159,651..2,775..5,835..47.6%..$57.53

Clay’s show this year did not sold well. Lawn tickets were not sold for this event. Meadowbrook probably realized from the JBT that Clay’s appeal has waned, so decided to only sell reserved seating (3,801) for this show.

The latest attendance prediction was on 6/30:

Gilford NH WED 7/25 8PM, On sale 4/02, 3,689
06/30 10AM 3w 4d
-Counting 3,801 total seats.
-Tickets selling slowly.
-Counting 1,720 seats available.
-Projected ticket sales 2,000-2,300, 53%-61% of capacity*.”

As of 7/14, ticket sales for the show were quite a bit lower than the JBT:

“07/14 7PM
Rows 1-20 (1,455, $59) - 99 (newly released)
Rows 21-43 (1,666, $59) - 1,252 Seats Available
Rows 44-45 (140, $74) - 105 Seats Available
Rows 46-51 (540, $35) - 308 Seats Available”

A total of 1,764 available seats out of 3,801, or 2,037 (54%) sold. The Claymate who reported that the show was slightly more than half sold, which would fit with this.

Just how big would the crowds be if Claymates only went to 1 show? At one point, the number of Claymates who went to multiple concerts was only a relatively small number, but more and more Claymates are going to more and more concerts, especially since the schedule of this tour has been intentionally designed to encourage multiple concertgoing.

Now, the repeat Claymates probably makes up a pretty large proportion of the audience at every show, and Clay needs to rely on this behavior for even poorly attended shows.

A CLAY AIKEN LEXICON

2007-07-26T16:25:00.000-04:00

Definitions for the world of Clay Aiken!

Afghanistan: a nice place for a photo-op.

Calliek: apparently some kind of geologist or volcano-expert who confuses the name Clay with the geological term clay and mistakenly drops by Clay Aiken message boards to warn that the lava is rising...it's rising...can you feel...the lava...rising....

Clack: Youtube pollution.

Claynation: a country run by a dictator and populated by brainwashed citizens who support him financially and emotionally, often at the expense of their own families. Occasionally a member of this nation will break free and seek refuge at www.clayaikenfraudsquad.com, but many others will go to their grave in the grips of their dictator.

Cliggle: a Faiken sound effect. Also the subject of the forthcoming book REAL MEN DON'T CLIGGLE.

Clonchos: the latest in raingear for mats.

Cloptical Illusion: a strange eye-brain malady that causes a mat to look at a nearly empty audience containing only elderly women and see a sell-out crowd evenly divided between women and men.

Faye: short for famewhore.

Flat Clay: the best way to describe Faikens current singing voice.

Footgate: the day that oh those little piggies went whee-whee-whee-whee right to the FBI office.

Hawt: something Clay is nawt.

Jerome: someone mats chase after, give gifts to, audition for, get autographs from, and snap pictures of. They adore him. But if they get too close to Faiken, he'll tear their guts out.

Learning to Sing: ghost-written book.

Lover All Alone: ghost-written song.

Manly: an adjective that mats frequently and inexplicably use to describe Faiken.

M&G: a place where mats are not allowed to kiss Clay, not allowed to hug him too tightly, only allowed to take one picture, and only allowed to have one item signed. Disappointing? Not really, because at least it gives them the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to ask why he shaves his arms and legs.

Meotion: a term that refers to a superstrong feeling; an emotion to the nth degree. Example: The beauty of the sunrise filled me with emotion. But when Supersexysingerman grabs his crotch, I'm filled with MEOTION, baby!

Okclayhoman: the moose that bellowed; the exception to the theory that even a stopped clock is right twice a day; wants to be cornholed by Clay.

Olemass: one of the rare mats who has a penis; may not admit it, but also wants to be cornholed by Clay.

Pants of perfection: Something Faiken wore many Krispy Kremes ago.

Ruben: the winner of American Idol 2!

Runner-up: the person who placed second to Ruben.

Sixty-nine: 1) Something Faiken does with his Manhunt hook-ups. 2) The average age of a Claymat.

Snark: humor with a queeny, bitchy quality, usually practiced by gay men.

Spam: both a noun and a verb, as used in this sentence, My children are eating Spam sandwiches tonight because I'm too busy spamming this Favorite Rock Star poll to fix them dinner.

Sperm donor: what Faiken calls his father; what JP will be if he ever donates that used washcloth to a BAF fundraiser.

STFU hand move: a signal that Faiken uses to quiet others and draw attention to himself. With the mats, it's a hand movement etched in the air; with Kelly Ripa, it's a cold, clammy hand placed directly over her mouth.

Tabloid: any newspaper or magazine, from the National Enquirer to the New York Times or Christian Science Monitor, that dares to mention Faiken in less than glowing terms.

Thud: a word that describes Faiken's future, as in His musical career started off with great promise, but ended with a thud.

Touch: Something Faiken is never going to sing in concert or do to a Claymat.

Waldo: any crease or seam on the front of Faiken's pants.

Webcam: a word that, strangely, cannot be found in any mats vocabulary.

XXX: 1) The rating for Faiken's When Doves Cry dance in his family friendly shows. 2) The average size of mats stretch pants.

ZZZ: the effect Clay's music has on most normal listeners.

Thanks to Calliyuck for a VERY funny blog!
Feel free to chime in with your own Clay-land definitions!

Clay Aiken: “All I Had to Do was Whore Myself Out”

2007-07-22T16:00:00.000-04:00

A Claymate who had a Meet & Greet with Clay Aiken has reported the following regarding the Bubel/Aiken Foundation fundraising galas:

http://www.theclackhouse.com/bb/viewtopic.php?p=543437&highlight=whore&sid=6dacc40f0c67d9015cd306126640cecc

“Asked him [Clay] if BAF galas would be in Raleigh, he said No, they will look at other cities. Talked to him about the 100 camps goal. Yes, but look how much money we raised at Raleigh Gala when all I [Clay] had to do is whore myself out.”

Back in May, 2007, Clay Aiken appeared on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and surprisingly, he dismissed pictures of his visit to Afghanistan for UNICEF as mere “photo ops”, while mocking the singing of children in another country that he visited.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKV3PFI_XEA&mode=related&search=

It appears that Clay regards any efforts that he makes for charity as opportunities to do as little as possible for as much promotion, attention and laughs as possible. Here’s a well-deserved critique of Clay’s comments by Calliyuck (since this post, Clay’s comments have been confirmed):

“Do we know for sure that Faiken actually said this: "Yes, but look how much money we raised at the Raleigh Gala when all I had to do is whore myself out."

If so...wow. Is that how he really feels? Even if it is, he must be nuts to say that outloud. More appropriate responses would have been:

"Yes, but look how much money we raised at the Raleigh Gala when all I had to do is make personal contributions of my time. I was SO honored that people would actually pay that kind of money to have lunch with me or have a personal meeting at one of my shows."

"Yes, but look how much money we raised at the Raleigh Gala when all I had to do is make personal contributions. If bidding on dinner with me or on one of my rings can bring in many thousands of dollars for charity, you can bet I'll be donating even MORE of my time and personal effects in the future!"

"Yes, but look how much money we raised at the Raleigh Gala when all I had to do is make that small extra effort of going to dinner with a fan or giving them a special m&g at one of my shows. Two hours of my time is going to earn thousands for the BAF. If we all gave two hours of our time to charitable endeavors, wouldn't the world be a better place?"

There were so many different ways Faiken could have phrased his comments -- making it a win-win deal for both himself and those who won his auctions. Instead, he chose to refer to his own contributions (which will probably take no more than a couple hours out of his life) as "whoring myself out." And if he's a whore, then he must think of those who "bought" him as nothing but desperate "johns" with big bucks and, believe me, he thinks of them with only contempt. (Ever heard of a prostitute who liked or respected her tricks?)

Imagine if he said the same thing about his UNICEF trips. "What do I do as a UNICEF ambassador? I just grow a beard, put on native clothes and wander around Afghanistan doing photo-ops, whoring myself out for a few days to bring attention to this part of the world."

If he said that, he'd be fired by UNICEF.

Maybe I shouldn't have written this long diatribe without knowing for sure if he made the "whore" remark at last night's m&g.

If he did, shame on him!”

Surprisingly, even a devout, immensely obsessed Claymate has openly criticized Clay for his remarks:

http://clayspots.blogspot.com/2007/07/clay-aiken-charitywhore.html

“Sunday, July 22, 2007
Clay Aiken: charity....whore?

Clay Aiken is Touring and one of the changes he has made is to hold the traditional Meet and Greets differently. Instead of lining up in a row the ten or twelve lucky fans who won a M&G, then have them approach him one at a time, he now chooses six and spends about 20 - 30 minutes with them in an intimate atmosphere before each show. From all the reports, this is working out extremely well. The fans are relaxed, Clay is relaxed, the conversation, although controlled by Clay, is a back-and-forth between the 'star' and his fans. The fans can ask questions and hopefully Clay answers them as honestly as he can, or wants to. This set-up has garnered some very interesting questions, the kind that most interviewers don't ask and we can get some insight to Clay that perhaps we wouldn't have had the chance to otherwise.

As interesting as the questions are that are being asked, Clay's answers are also interesting. He seems to be much more open than ever before, much more candid, but every once in a while I think, wtf? is he talking about. Case in point: the other night, a fan asked Clay about holding the BAF Gala in cities other than Raleigh.

In March, 2007, Clay held a Gala in Raleigh, NC, to raise money for The Bubel/Aiken Foundation. The tickets sold were very expensive, with the lowest going for around $200.00 a person, the highest was something like $10,000 a table for corporate sponsors. Although Clay had a Master of Ceremony and an auctioneer to auction off various items to the donors, he couldn't help but get involved himself, hocking the items along with the auctioneer, getting the crowd riled up, making jokes and generally, seemingly, having a good time. That Gala raised over $300,000 that night. Not a total to sneeze at.

When asked about holding the Galas in cities other than Raleigh, Clay said that yes, they were looking at other cities, but Raleigh had raised so much money, 'when all I had to do was whore myself out'. wtf?

I wonder how serious he was. That's a pretty harsh thing to say, especially to fans who more than likely support the BAF. I mean, it's true, a celebrity who attaches his/her name to a charity is a commodity up for the highest bid: that's the trade-off that's made if they want to raise money and Clay's not the first, nor will he be the last celebrity to do this. But it's a two-way street. If Clay is a whore (and he's a pretty popular whore), then we're the Johns. Not a very nice description of either party.

Just how cynical has Clay gotten in the past four years?

I have heard that Clay can be sarcastic. And I have to say that I'm not a relative nor a friend and I don't know him. I didn't hear his tone of voice when he said that, I didn't see his expression or his body language, he could have been kidding. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. It was just my wtf? moment of the week. I truly hope that Clay doesn't feel that way about his participation in raising money for the BAF, which is a much-needed charity whose goals, that are so attainable, can really make a difference in the lives of individuals with disabilities.”

So, Clay Aiken seems to characterize his activities for charities as “whoring” himself out? It seems that even some of his most devoted Claymates are hurt and offended by his remarks, as they should be. Is the BAF happy with this statement? Since Clay describes his activities with UNICEF as only “photo ops”, does he consider that he is “whoring” himself out with them as well? What does UNICEF thinks about this kind of statement coming from one of its Ambassadors? Isn't someone like Clay Aiken an embarassment to such a high-profile, established charity and a turn off to potential donors?

Clay Aiken In The Current Issue of Globe : Clay Aiken Saves Jericho!

2007-07-21T19:59:00.000-04:00

There is a small article in the current issue of Globe Magazine about Clay Aiken.
Below you will find the article exactly as it was published:

CLAY: I SAVED JERICHO

American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken is taking credit for saving Jericho, which was brought back after CBS was bombarded with packages of nuts.

"I love the show," he says.

"I started blogging about it on my fan site. It got canceled, and I blogged about how upset I was. I said 'The Claymates (his fans) can do anything. How do we get this show back?'"

"Honestly, within a week, htey had organized a campaign amongst 'Jericho' fans to send nuts to CBS. It kind of started in that place. And it's back on the air. It just blows my mind."

The show, starrring Skeet Ulrich, is scheduled to air as a mid-season replacement this fall.

Good to see that Clay Aiken's delusions of grandeur are noticed and properly reported.

Will this piss off the people who really WERE behind the campaign to save Jericho all over again?

Clay Aiken Performs Again Tonight! Three In A Row!!

2007-07-19T16:54:00.000-04:00

Clay Aiken will be performing his third concert in as many nights tonight in Canandaigua, N.Y.

Tonight's concert comes on the heels of this Syrause show last night which received a tepid review that you can read below:

Decent set with SSO thrills 'Claymates'

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Chuck Klaus Contributing writer

The appearance of "American Idol" 2003 second-place winner Clay Aiken before 1,600 screaming "Claymates" - well, about 600 or so were screaming - has given your obedient servant new insight into the reviews of earlier days.

I can now imagine myself trying to review the hysteria of the bobby socks and saddle shoes set when young Frank Sinatra first came on the scene, or writing a critique of the hordes when Elvis first appeared, or the shrieks that arose when The Beatles were just getting started.

And much like those fabled critics of yore, I simply don't get it. All of this large-scale Clayemotion confounds me, I fear.

Not to unduly knock Mr. Aiken. His has an interesting voice, fairly well-used within his chosen field of pop ballad singing. There's an interesting combination of elements making up his style: a touch of blue-eyed soul, a bit of modern country, some strains of soft rock and, perhaps the most dominant influence of all, contemporary Broadway. His voice is on-pitch, he treats most of his material in a fairly spacious manner, and his work is pleasant and fairly polished, in an extremely informal way.

This ease on stage, as well as a constant barrage of self-deprecating humor, may be one of the secrets of his success. Aiken, forever putting himself down, can hardly be seen as a threat to his female audience, and they evidently love him for that. He is the beloved singing teddy bear placed near a young girl's flouncy canopied bed.

Aiken, appearing with fellow American Idolers Quiana Parler and Angela Fisher, sang a wide range of music, from covers of Dolly Parton's "Here You Come Again" to his early hit "Measure of a Man" and material from his most recent release, "A Thousand Different Ways." He generously gave his "backup singers" - really more like co-singers - solo spots and lots of room for comic byplay, and gave a really nice pep talk on behalf of the Syracuse Symphony Orchestra, encouraging the enthusiastic audience to become season subscribers of the SSO.
Aiken also was generous in his praise of conductor-pianist - and evidently gifted arranger - Jesse Vargas, who coordinated well and with a minimum of fuss while providing solid piano support.

Aiken had the chance to perform a ballad for which he served as lyricist, which offered the SSO's cellist, Lindsay Groves, the chance to contribute a sonorous solo. Here was one instance where the Clayemotion of the audience paused long enough to allow Aiken to truly be heard, which turned out to be a source of further Clayelation.

http://www.syracuse.com/articles/entertainment/index.ssf?/base/entertainment-1/1184836628223900.xml&coll=1

Tonight's show should be interesting. Clay Aiken's voice is already showing signs of strain and he is unable to reach the notes that he used to hit with ease. As the writer of the interview above notes, Clay seems to be relying on Quiana and Angela as co-singers. Is this a good thing considering this tour has been widely described as "An Evening With Clay Aiken'?

Also, as the tour proceeds, Clay's "banter" is becoming increasingly angry, bitter and self pitying. Is his "humor" really "self deprecating" as the writer of the review above states?

It seems to me that most of Clay's attempts at humor and snark are often at the expense of others, including the people in the audience who are there to support him.

Also worth noting, is the sudden crackdown on "clack". There are many theories about how this came to be, so it will be interesting to see if tonights show brings any changes to the current policy.

Can't wait to see what "goodies" Clay Aiken has in store tonight!

Gotta love a good trainwreck! :)

The Cult of the Clay Aiken Internet Message Boards

2007-07-18T11:49:00.000-04:00

There is no other fanbase on earth (or in the universe? ;) ) like the Claymates, a primarily middle-aged and older group of women, most of whom infest the Internet. They are rabid, obsessed beyond reason and many listen to no other singer than Clay Aiken.

They are a fanbase who are intent on forcing the world to see Clay Aiken in the deluded way that they do and will go to extreme efforts to achieve this goal, tirelessly policing every corner of the Internet to defend Clay from all naysayers.

Some even resort to harassment and intimidation of people in real life in an effort to suppress anything negative about Clay, especially insinuations about his sexuality.

No one is immune from their wrath: DJ’s, Program Directors, Internet bloggers, Gossip sites, and legitimate media, not to mention fans, ex-fans, non-fans and anyone who has the audacity to utter even a perceived slight or insult. Ridiculously paranoid conspiracy theories abound about people out to "get" Clay that are actually taken seriously by the Claymates.

So, as you can imagine, being a Claymate is an extraordinarily stressful, troublesome and angst-ridden existence, all centered around the literal worship of someone based on a false image.

Without doubt, the Claymates are a cult and their behavior on the message boards reflects this. Here is a humorous (yet frighteningly true) take on the rules for posting on one of the most cultish of the Claymate message boards, the “Clayboard” by one of the more illustrious members of the Fraud Squad, Calliyuck.

“How to post a message on the Clayboard:

1) Begin by genuflecting in front of the mods. Choose one of the following to start your message:
a) Mods, if you don’t think this posting is accurate, responsible, or true to the Claynation, please delete.
b) I have a comment about OMC and hope our hard-working mods will approve of what I have to say.
c) Mods, please delete the following if you think it will hurt the feelings of any of our wonderful fellow Claymates.

2) Show your love for Faiken with a bit of extraneous praise:
a) I feel so blessed to be a member of the Claynation.
b) Clay, if you’re reading this, I LOVE YOU!
c) As a proud Claymate since January 19, 2003....

3) Get to the main point of your message:
a) Does anyone have any Clack that includes a good view of Clay’s right elbow?
b) How would you best describe Clay’s current hair color -- chestnut pony’s mane, autumn-leaf brown, or moon-kissed auburn?
c) I was just thinking that it would be so cool if Krispy Kreme created a Clay Aiken donut. Let’s start an e-mail campaign to make this happen for our superstah!

4) Add more extraneous praise that includes over-the-top claims and uses the letters “cl” to prove your love for Faiken:
a) My hubby had a quadruple bypass today and I told the nurses in the clintensive clare unit to call me if his condition worsened, but I’ve been listening to the cellcert all evening so if they called me, they got a busy signal. Oh well!!!!
b) Listening to Clay sing Lover All Alone on tonight’s cellcert made me feel all orgasmy inside. I haven’t had so many hot flashes since twenty years ago when I went through clenopause.
c) Clay, I’d divorce my dh and put my kids in foster homes just for one cliss from you!

5) Sign off with zany emoticon:
a) Dancing banana.
b) Thud.
c) A smiley-face because it’s so hip, so cool, so happening, so seventies, so..now!

6) Repeat zany emoticons over and over to shown your enthusiasm and because you have nothing else to say:
a) Dancing banana, dancing banana, dancing banana, dancing etc.
b) Thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud thud ad infinitum.
c) Smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile”

Hard to believe that “mature” women, most of whom are 40+ years old could behave like this? Think that this is a joke? An exaggeration? Decide for yourself by visiting the Clayboard:

http://p071.ezboard.com/ftheclayboardfrm11

One thing more. Don't for a moment believe that this is just a harmless obsession. For so many, Clay Aiken has become their life, to the exclusion and detriment of family, friends and anything that will interfere with their devotion to a fantasy.

True, other celebrities have their share of nutsos, but without doubt, Clay's fanbase has the highest proportion of rabid, abnormally-obsessed fans of any other celebrity, including Michael Jackson. And, that's a lot.

Clay Aiken: Unrealized Potential or Overestimation?

2007-07-14T13:58:00.000-04:00

When Clay Aiken’s post Idol promotion kicked off TPTB wanted everyone to believe they had discovered the next superstar. Idol was water cooler topic number one and the show’s ratings were unprecedented. The spin and promo machines were out in full force because it was believed that Clay had a solid market comprised of Idol viewers. “Strike while the iron is hot” is basic marketing and at the time Idol was “hot”.

Clay was able for a time to ride on the success of the show and the dedication of fans to keep the buzz alive. As time went by more and more people lost interest in Clay, the hype died down, and he was left to his own devices.

His own devices; however, were not enough to attract the kind of fans that get the attention of marketers. He became known as a niche performer, and later simply an entertainer with a core of rabid fans. Even later as an also ran and punch line.
The simple truth is that if he really were that good the success and accolades would have followed. Instead, he cannot get played on the radio, his concerts are not selling well, and his CD’s are not selling well.

The Clay you see today is same Clay from Idol; people just didn’t realize it at the time. They bought the hype and, as someone else suggested, they romanticized him. He didn’t just become this weird goofy guy; it is who he has always been. Clay and the Claymates that remain are a matched set. His performance skills match their expectations of a performer. More typically discerning people won’t buy what he has to offer.

It is not by accident that Clay has ended up with the type of fans that he has, like attracts like. No fan base has the power to ruin a performer, that’s just as much of an excuse as saying the webcams are photoshops. If the Claymates were a detriment to Clay they would market him to someone else. There is no one else, at least not in large enough numbers to get attention.

Clay may have had a better voice at one time but he never had the ability to connect to a discriminating audience or to a large segment of the population. His performance skills are mediocre, his artistry is non-existent, and his banter is undisciplined. The scandals are in a category by themselves. He would have needed much more than a voice to reach the stars. The Xmas special, the second Xmas tour, the CD, this tour – these things are products of his skill level. Enough said.

Clay is a very lazy person by nature. He puts very little effort into anything that he does, whether it is his shows, his music, the BAF, or UNICEF. For the most part he is MIA until he needs to show up, do his thing, and leave. He relies heavily on others.

It’s time for people hanging onto what “could have been” to realize that it never was. It’s the final step in deprogramming.

You're P.I.T.I.F.U.L.

2007-07-14T00:16:00.000-04:00

My head is still spinning from ALL the latest developments on the Faiken and his CULTmates. Their denials, blindness, lack of self respect, etc. is mind boggling, but at the same time I can do nothing, but speculate that their lives must be extremely void of something thus making them react to this mediocre glorified, vindictive, jealous, rudely obnoxious karaoke singer the way they do.

In reading the thread about the "disruptive fans", I thought maybe the kool-aid mixers got a bad batch that affected its potency thus making some come to their senses, but then I soon realized that it's just another futile excuse to "save" their leader's reputation by blaming the fans for his crappy performance which in their eyes, makes it more "acceptable" to them. It's ALWAYS about excusing him from WHATEVER it is he did or messed up at any particular time. I'm really exhausted just from reading their crap, so I can only imagine how "fraud-strating" and exhausting it must be to be a Claymate. Spin, lie, scheme, deflect, project, rinse, repeat... It all brings me to one resounding conclusion...Faiken and MATS,
YOU ARE PITIFUL!

Perez Hilton Discusses Clay Aiken On The View

2007-07-13T15:30:00.000-04:00

Here is a clip of Perez Hilton's appearance on "The View" today.

He discusses Claymates and Clay Aiken misleading people by refusing to come out and say that he is gay.

"Clay Aiken Was Awful"

2007-07-12T17:37:00.000-04:00

Some comments about and reviews of Clay Aiken's summer tour are starting to emerge, and they aren't pretty.

Some examples:

" Perusing local message boards revealed common themes: Clay Aiken was awful, the fireworks were great, and half will never come back due to traffic problems. It is a shame the city puts on such fabulous events that conclude with so many in misery."

http://www.dallasnews.com/%20shared...n1.43a6d99.html

_______________________________________________________________

"What was the biggest impression, unfortunately, was the crowds of people BEHIND that comparatively small group huddled at the front of the stage.

The soccer field was ---throughout the entire concert---filled with children playing and laughing and yelling, adults drinking and talking and laughing---all kinds of people just having a good ole' time on a pleasant July 4th evening, waiting for the fireworks.

Honestly, I have to say that the majority of the people I could see weren't paying much attention at all to whatever was happening on stage.

Also unfortunately, I heard more than just a few derisive comments about Clay and the show from people in the stands who were obviously there for the game and the fireworks who viewed the show as an annoyance at least and something that should be shot and put out of its misery at the other extreme.

These were just your average---non-Clay fans---who commented on the odd fact of a symphony setting up on stage for a soccer stadium concert or had ignorant commentary on personal aspects of Clay that we fans are certainly familiar with. It was NOT my favorite concert experience.

I've read some of the effusively positive reports from others who were there on the field and talked to some in person after the show and it seems that they really were unaware of what was happening behind them. To me and perhaps others who had a different perspective of the whole scene, it was....disturbing.

From my seat it almost seemed as though the majority of the people there were either just plain indifferent to Clay and the show or had some unflattering commentary about it. Also unfortunately, the sound system sucked and the musicians were not all that.

I agree that the show didn't 'flow' and in fact at times had the amateurish quality of a Hometown Connection production. I'm sure that timing and flow, etc., will improve. Clay's concerts always morph from one to the other.

I missed being able to wallow in the man and the voice. All the other stuff was SO prominent and distracting that it was difficult to enjoy and appreciate the VOX. And THAT, my friends, should just.be.illegal."

From a Clay Board

___________________________________________________________

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Clay Aiken: Everything You Have?by Vivian Grant

There is a line in one of the better songs from Clay Aiken’s newest, and least memorable, album that carries more of a message than he likely intended. It’s from Everything I Have, and it goes like this: “I can only do my best/I have to trust you with the rest.” Aiken often sings love songs to his audience, as he did in his first tour when he dedicated The Way to them, and in the current tour when he sings Because You Loved Me to them. He might do well, however, when he sings Everything I Have to pay more attention to this particular line. You see, Aiken’s fans are very, very dedicated, and he can trust them - to go to his concerts, to buy his music, to watch any appearance he happens to make on television, to buy his book, to contribute to his charity….

Yes, these are good fans. But if the last album and the current tour are any indication, Mr. Aiken may not be keeping up his end of the bargain. Neither the album nor the tour so far are anywhere near the best he can do. On "A Thousand Different Ways," released last fall, he’s vocally adept – stunning, in places, but his awesome voice is wasted on material that it’s far too soon to recycle, at least by a singer as new to the industry as Aiken. The album is not bad, exactly. It’s just forgettable. But a mediocre album – or at least the damage it did to his reputation - might have been redeemed with a stellar concert tour. If he were to mix in the requisite songs from the album with some real showstoppers, and he is certainly capable of something more challenging than Achy Breaky Heart and a medley of theme songs from old television shows, he could satisfy his current fans and possibly win over some new ones. But if the performance in Tulsa is anything to go by, Aiken has decided to expend minimal effort, collect his ticket money, and move on. Oh, he’s having a good time on the stage. He jokes, he banters with the audience, he giggles. And he sings a little. Sometimes well. Other times, not.

That’s probably going to continue through Orlando, too, because his fans, the Claymates, are enablers. Many are uncritical – everything he does is okay with them, and anyone who dares to suggest that he is anything less than the God of pop music with the virtues of a saint is in danger of being shellacked and duct taped to a railroad track. There are other fans, however, those not wanting the shellac and duct tape treatment, who are quietly not so pleased. They find the banter overdone and disorderly, and worse, done at the expense of his singing voice, which cracks and tires after so much conversation. Much of it is witty, true, and most of the Claymates who follow him around the country, love it, but it won’t win him the new fans he needs to sustain a career, and it may lose him some of those he has had for the last four years.

Some in the audience have suggested that this is a “throw-away” tour for Aiken, who is contractually obliged to promote an album that he doesn’t believe in himself. Trouble is, not all those ticket buyers know that. Aiken’s mother must have told him at some time that anything worth doing is worth doing well. He should have listened. If not to her, then to his own line … “I can only give you everything I have.”

Four years ago, Clay Aiken was on a trajectory to the stars. I know that’s true because Diane Sawyer said so. I wonder what she’d say now. Perhaps Aiken has other ambitions and is getting his stand-up schtick together in the hopes of taking over for Leno or Letterman one day. Whatever, it is clear that he loves the stage, and if the current tour shows nothing else, it does show that he is a performer. At this stage of his career, however, he would do well to remember that America fell in love not just with a performer, but with a singer. It might be a really good idea to get his singing career firmly established before branching out. It’s time to focus.

http://www.beaversonidol.com/2007/07/clay-aiken-everything-you-have-by.html

Clay Aiken Working the Microphone

2007-07-11T21:01:00.000-04:00

Gotta love the delight Clay Aiken takes in working his microphone.

Such camaraderie!! Makes you wonder if he practices in his spare time ! ;)

Thanks for the youtube to a most talented artiste! BRAVO!!

Craig Ferguson's Take On The Clay Aiken Plane Incident

2007-07-11T10:54:00.000-04:00

Let's get some giggles while we are awaiting the next debacle by Clay Aiken!

Clay Aiken STINKS!!

2007-07-10T13:35:00.000-04:00

And it's not about his feet....this time.

Check out this performance Clay Aiken gave at the Frisco show.

Pay special attention to the faces he makes and how he flounces about.

Still can't get over that people PAID for THIS???

Hard to decide whether this "performance" is UNINTENTIONALLY hilarious or pathetic.

Clay Aiken...you should be ashamed. For so many reasons.

Clay Aiken Speaks Out About the Airplane Incident (not really)

2007-07-09T12:48:00.001-04:00

Clay Aiken blogged today to address the altercation that took place between Aiken and a woman during an airplane flight to Tulsa.

This is what Clay Aiken had to say about the incident.

07/09/07 : Slow news day...

Well, I think the title of this blog is QUITE an understatement!

Nevermind the children of Afghanistan, who got ZERO help from the media after UNICEF appealed for interest in that story.

Thank God for Entertainment Tonight! They were the only major outlet at all to care about the needs of those kids!If I were the desperate and threatened children of northern Uganda, who also have gotten almost no attention from the press (again, with the same exception of ET), I would be upset and dismayed that a stupid celebrity non-story is the top story on most news sites today. Meanwhile, at this very moment in northern Uganda, over forty thousand children are sleeping in city streets to protect themselves from being raped and tortured, yet no one mentions them.

Then again, as much as the media seems to screw up the actual facts in a situation, maybe they're better off anyway.

Current Mood: Confused

Ok, so let's get this straight. Clay Aiken, who is renowned for his rudeness and inconsideration of others, once again gets himself into a situation that he would rather not have reported.

Does Clay Aiken make any attempt to clarify the situation? NO.

Instead, he scolds, well, THE WHOLE WORLD (except Entertainment Tonight)about the reporting of, and interest in the story.

Clay HIMSELF discussed this story DURING his concert in Tulsa and now complains that others discuss it also? Isn't that just a little bit HYPOCRITICAL??

Is it that Clay Aiken ONLY wanted HIS SIDE of the story made public? He used it for fodder during his show!

According to Clay, we should all be thinking about more important things, like the suffering children of the world.

Hmmm. Why doesn't Clay sing a song dedicated to the suffering children of the world in his current tour? One song?

It might be easier to take Clay's blog a LITTLE bit more seriously if he had been mentioning the Afghani and Ugandan children during his show.

If HE were thinking about the "children" why couldn't he perform what many Claymates would argue is "his song", "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and dedicate it to the children?

Which would make for a better show? Which would his audience enjoy more? Actually singing BOTW or "the classics" bit where he makes fun of other artists and the tv show theme medley?

It's never about the audience. It's always about what Clay wants to do.

It is also worth mentioning that on Clay's most recent Jimmy Kimmel appearance, when Kimmel showed pictures of Clay's trip to Afghanistan, Aiken claimed the pictures were all "photo-ops". Kimmel gave him the perfect opportunity to say a serious word or two about what the children of Afghanistan were going through, but Clay laughed it off.

Why were Clay's most recent blogs about saving a television show that he enjoys and his jubilation over his new iphone?

What about the CHILDREN, Clay?? What about the CHILDREN??

Clay Aiken should shut the fuck up if he is only going to scold.

He should take some responsibility and clarify the situation if he is upset with it.

Clay has NEVER attempted to respond to a controversy. He'd much rather play the "victim" card.

Maybe he isn't saying anything about this story because telling the truth about this incident wouldn't fall in line with the version Clay allegedly told at the M&G. He wouldn't want to come out with a statement that lied about the incident and the other person involved because that could leave him open to legal repercussions.

Okclayhoman, who attended the meet and greet is saying that she heard the version she is reporting directly from Clay. I find that version of events unbelievable and it's entirely possible that Clay lied at the M&G and if he made a statement telling the truth, well, he's exposed as a liar.

Clay, try making the TRUTH your FRIEND. It makes life MUCH less stressful.

If Clay Aiken doesn't like having his inappropriate actions reported, he should learn to BEHAVE APPROPRIATELY.

There's a saying I've heard that I think applies to Clay Aiken.

"If you don't want to end up on the news, don't rob the bank".

Clay Aiken, Doesn't A Paying Audience Deserve Better?

2007-07-08T21:19:00.000-04:00

People who attended Clay Aiken's Houston show should be asking for their money back.

They were paying to see a "multi platinum artist" and "professional entertainer".

Because Clay Aiken could not be bothered to learn the words to the songs he would be performing, he had lyrics taped to the floor.

Even with the lyrics there for him, in the clip above, you will see that Clay Aiken just gave up. His laziness is almost unfathomable.

People paid for THIS???

It appears that Clay Aiken does not respect his audience OR the orchestra enough to come up with a professional show.

It is no wonder that Clay Aiken is not taken seriously in the music world, or any other world for that matter, except in ClayLand.

His unprofessionalism is astounding.

Even Claymates should be disgusted by this.

If the Claymates caught wind of any other artist behaving this way in concert, they would be eviscerating them.

It is obvious that Clay just does not give a shit about delivering a decent performance for a paying audience.

Clay Aiken Plane Disturbance

2007-07-08T10:51:00.000-04:00

From Perez Hilton:

Clay: Behind The TurbulenceJ

uly 8, 2007 at 10:20 am
Sunday, July 8th, 2007
Things are not always what they seem.

We just got this email in our Inbox about The Gayken’s airplane altercation on Saturday.

I work for the airline he was on. Attached is a picture that the captain took. I wish to remain anonymous but I had to send you the real story. We got a call from the Captain who said the Clay was being “bothered” by a fan. This was while the flight was still in the air. When the flight landed, the FBI was called because the flight attendant had said that Mr. Aiken was belligerent. All passengers were questioned. We heard nothing of a passenger who assaulted Mr., Aiken. In fact, it was Mr. Aiken and his ego that had the crew concerned and the Captain wanted the police at the gate on arrival into Tulsa. The woman in the picture is the supposed fan who bothered Mr. Aiken. Doesn’t look like she could hurt a fly.

Sorry for the poor picture quality. It was taken with a cell phone. I will send you another picture in a second e-mail of Mr. Aiken filling out paperwork in the jetway. No one else was asked to fill out any paperwork.

Hmmmmm.
Inneresting!

We’re definitely inclined to belive this version of the events.

http://perezhilton.com/?cat=77

Clay Aiken Causes Disturbance On Flight. Questioned By FBI

2007-07-07T20:03:00.000-04:00

Aiken apparently questioned after airplane incident

By World Staff 7/7/2007 5:52 PMLast Modified: 7/7/2007 6:57 PM

Former "American Idol" singer Clay Aiken was apparently involved in a disturbance with another passenger Saturday while on an airplane headed to Tulsa International Airport.

The dispute occurred on a Continental Airlines flight between a woman and a man, whom FBI Special Agent Gary Johnson confirmed was a former "American Idol" contestant.

Aiken, who was a runner-up on the TV talent show in 2003, was headed to Tulsa Saturday for a performance at the Brady Theater. His management could not be reached for comment Saturday afternoon.

Johnson said he was told the dispute was over the male passenger's foot resting on another passenger's armrest.

He said the disturbance was a minor one.

There was an allegation that the woman gave the male passenger a "minor shove" during the argument, Johnson said.

"At that point the flight crew was able to resolve the situation," he said.

The disturbance occurred Saturday morning, said Tulsa Airport Authority spokeswoman Alexis Higgins.

Higgins said the passengers were held until FBI agents arrived to question them.

No injuries were reported and no arrests were made.

The disturbance did not interfere with the flight of the aircraft, Johnson said.

http://www.tulsaworld.com/news/article.aspx?articleID=070707_1__Forme25775&breadcrumb=Breaking%20News

Clay Aiken Mocks The Music Of Justin Timberlake, Prince, Madonna and Others.

2007-07-07T17:32:00.000-04:00

Clay Aiken, self proclaimed savior of the CBS television show "Jericho" opened his new tour on July 4th in Frisco, Texas at Pizza Hut Park between a soccer game and holiday fireworks.

Given the heights of stardom that Clay Aiken has risen to and the quality of music that he has consistently delivered, it should come as no suprise that someone as supreme as Clay Aiken should single out others in the music industry who can only aspire to one day be taken as seriously, and become as successful as Clay Aiken is.

Chosen for derision by Clay Aiken were lesser known performers such as Justin Timberlake, Madonna, Britney Spears, Prince and Michael Jackson.

After complaining about what music is played on top 40 radio, Clay Aiken proceeded to launch into a medley to shine a light on how these other artists can't compare to Clay's awesome talent.

Clay Aiken was runner up in season two of American Idol, losing to Ruben Studdard and has had a minor hit single, "Invisible".

He's also a fucking idiot.

Except for the above two sentences, this blog was written entirely with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

Is Clay Aiken Falsely Claiming Credit in Rescuing “Jericho” from Cancellation?

2007-07-05T23:45:00.000-04:00

In an interview with the Houston Chronicle, Clay Aiken was quoted as follows:

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ent/4941513.html?plckCurrentPage=1

“The show Jericho . . . I loved it. I started blogging about it on my fan site. It got canceled, and I blogged about how upset I was. I said, "The Claymates can do anything. How do we get this show back on the air?" Honestly, within a week they had organized a campaign amongst Jericho fans to send nuts to CBS. It kind of started in that place. And it's back on the air! It just blows my mind.”

Clay is clearly claiming that he was responsible for getting “Jericho” back on the air by motivating and influencing his Claymates. In addition, he credits the Claymates for organizing a campaign to save the show.

In response to this interview, however, the following posts were made on the interview site disputing Clay’s claim:

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ent/4941513.html

“sweat1951 wrote: As a Jericho fan who has been involved since the beginning I must object. First, support for saving Jericho did not come from his blog. Secondly,the Claymates had nothing to do with organizing this campaign. The campaign was well under way when someone posted on our message board that the Claymates wanted to get involved. It is unfair for this credit to be taken from the people who actually deserve it. Thank you. 7/5/2007 7:18:16 AM"

"JennyP22 wrote: As a Jericho Ranger who has been involved in the campaing since it started, I feel it necessary to make a correction. While it might be true that Clay did blog about Jericho, the campaign DID NOT stem from his blog. This campaign stemmed from thousands of Jericho fans who wanted CBS to realize that the Neilson ratings were not accurate in how many people watched the show. This campain started on the CBS board, and was greatly assisted by NUTSONLINE.COM. 7/5/2007 7:58:27 AM”

This post was made on this blog, strongly disputing Clay’s claim of being responsible for the “Save Jericho” campaign:

http://www.haloscan.com/comments/zyban/1933811208446689055/#19755

“How dare Clay Aiken take credit on behalf of his blog and his fan group for the Nuts Campaign to Save Jericho? What a bald-faced liar he is. I was VERY much involved in the Save Jericho Campaign and it was absolutely NOT - not not NOT! - created, organized or arranged by the "Claymates". They were certainly not responsible for the original decision to send NUTS to CBS. (Grrrrrrrrrr....) Some Claymates joined the team and participated, yes, as a result of Clay's blog about it, and of course they were certainly welcome to join us. However, they were a small percentage of a very large team of people working together to achieve a common goal, and that team was not called "Clay and the Claymates Save Jericho". It makes me angry to read what Clay has claimed in that interview, and I'm hoping that the *real* Team Jericho coordinators will provide a response to clarify the truth. Haven't the Claymates frequently claimed that Clay is treated unfairly by the rest of the world? Well, how about treating fellow Jericho fans fairly? How about giving credit where credit is due? Why couldn't Clay have said that his blog spurred several of his fans to become part of a much larger group to help save the show? That would be a true statement that would still acknowledge his fans for trying to help save a show he loves. And a quick thanks to Team Jericho would have been nice, since Clay is such a big Jericho fan. Even most of the regular cast members - Skeet, Brad, Lennie, Kenneth, Michael, Alicia, Shoshanna, Erik, and some of the writers, have posted at the CBS message board several times to thank us for our efforts. Whatever, I'm sure Clay will backtrack and say he was "misquoted". A REAL Jericho Ranger | 07.05.07 - 12:13 pm | # “

It appears that Clay has been caught in yet another of a long line of lies, all designed to convey the false perception of influence and popularity where little exists. Will he be publically challenged about his claim? Stay tuned, sports fans! ;)

How Do Americans Celebrate Independence Day?

2007-07-04T13:20:00.000-04:00

In this such a festive day, take time to pray for our brave troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, for their safe return home.

Upon reading the following post by our own Calliyuck, it merited being the focus of this new blog today.

Standard greeting for most of us: "Happy Fourth of July!"
Standard greeting for mats: "Happy Concert Day!"

Standard outfit for most of us: Shorts, T-shirt, tennis shoes.
Standard outfor for mats: Stretchpants (size 4XL), cloncho, fresh makeup.

Travel plans for most of us: Getting in the car and going to Aunt Kate and Uncle Bob's for a barbecue.
Travel plans for mats: Telling the family they must fly to Chicago and care for Aunt Lillian, who just broke her hip; secretly flying off to Texas instead to attend the Frisco Freedom Fest.

Standard exercise for most of us: Playing baseball or volleyball at family picnic.
Standard exercise for mats: Running and pushing everyone out of their way in order to sit down in front at tonight's concert.

Standard songs most of us will be hearing today: Star Spangled Banner, You're a Grand Old Flag, I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Standard songs most mats will be hearing today: Invisible, Moon River.

Favorite male iconic figure for most of us: Uncle Sam.
Favorite male iconic figure for mats: Jerome.

Favorite female iconic figures for most of us: Betsy Ross, the Statue of Liberty.
Favorite female iconic figures for mats: Angela, Quiana.

Most meaningful paper document for most of us: The Declaration of Independence.
Most meaningful paper document for mats: Flat Clay.

Most sentimental moment of the day for most of us: Getting momentarily misty-eyed when reflecting on the signing of the Declaration of Independence 231 years ago.
Most sentimental moment of the day for mats: Forty minutes of uncontrolled sobbing and hysteria when reflecting on how Ruben beat Clay 4 years ago.

Standard reason most of us will be using binoculars today: Fireworks!
Standard reason mats will be using binoculars today: Waldo!

Standard meal for most of us today: Hotdogs, burgers, potato salad.
Standard meal for mats today: All-u-can-buffet at the motel near the Frisco Freedom Fest. At the concert: Elephant Ears, Fried Waldo-on-a-stick, leftovers smuggled out of buffet in baggies and cloncho pockets.

Biggest laugh for most of us today: Humorously reminiscing with family and friends at our Fourth-of-July get-together.
Biggest laugh for mats today: "Banter." Bad “banter.” Really, really bad “banter.”

Proudest moment for most of us today: The realization that we live in a country where each of us has a vote in the presidential election.
Proudest moment for mats today: The realization that they live in a country where each of them has 455,691 phone-in votes in the Details “sexiest man alive contest.”

Standard scary/dramatic moment for most of us today: When Uncle Bob accidentally burns himself on the barbecue.
Standard scary/dramatic moment for mats today: When “bantering” Faiken makes "cute" remarks about pasty refried mess and uses terms like "mucho goodo,” inflaming the largely Mexican-American audience at the Frisco Fest (there to view the fireworks, not listen to this prejudiced performer) to storm the stage.

Loudest sound most of us will hear: Firecrackers.
Loudest sound mats will hear: Bellowing moose.

How most of us will spend the overnight hours: Peacefully sleeping and thinking about what a nice holiday it was.
How mats will spend the overnight hours: Following Faiken's bus in a caravan formation to his next concert location.
How Faiken will spend the overnight hours: Logging on to Manhunt on his iPhone, telling prospective hook-ups, “I have a very recognizable face...well, maybe not so recognizable anymore...but if you will pledge total secrecy, I can send you some pics taken with my mucho goodo new iPhone. If you like what you see, and live in the Dallas area, I can meet you within the hour. Just look for the big bus followed by twenty cars and a Clambulance.”

"Idol, the Musical" About Clay Aiken Fans Based on Flawed Premise

2007-07-03T18:39:00.000-04:00

The musical based on deluded Claymates of AI runner-up Clay Aiken has prompted this comment from a Claymate:

http://p071.ezboard.com/ftheclayboardfrm11.showMessageRange?topicID=90324.topic&start=281&stop=288

“loveOMC
The GEEK shall inherit the earth.
Posts: 6367
(6/30/07 9:33 pm)
Reply
Re: IDOL THE MUSICAL
The characters in the play do not sound anything like the majority of "us" on this board, at least. For one thing, they are teens. That is a good thing!

So, I'm taking the Alfred E. Newman stance: What me worry?”

This Claymate is right. The musical is completely inaccurate in its portrayal of Claymates as teenagers. In fact, Clay has very few teenage fans left. The average age of Clay’s fanbase has increased and skewed more and more towards older fans since the beginning.

An early post from the Clayboard:

“Quote:
-------------------------------------------------- -----------------
it seems that the vast majority of CLAYMATES are "middle aged women”.”

This Claymate is right.

Ages of Claymates on the Clayboard (survey done by ClayNation, Admin of the Clayboard in January, 2004):

“ClayNation
ezOP & webmaster
Posts: 958
(1/13/04 3:33 pm)
Reply
ezSupporter

NEW CLAY FAN AGE POLL! Clay fan, how old are you?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our last age poll dated back to June 2003, so I'd like to start a survey from scratch. Please click on your age group and then click on VOTE. Then, you will see tabulated results of all those who participated. Please do not use the "post reply" button unless you would like to comment on the results! Thanks!

Results (total votes = 499):
19 or under 170 / 34.1%
20-29 84 / 16.8%
30-39 53 / 10.6%
40-49 87 / 17.4%
50 or over 105 / 21.0%”

In early 2004, only 38.4% of Claymates were over 40 and 50.9% were under 30.

These proportions have drastically changed. Ages of Claymates on the OFC (surveys done by CH Claymate):

Survey done in August, 2006.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/DisplaySummary.asp?SID=2464856&U=246485656562

“Under 20 - 5% (47)
20-29 - 6.5% (62)
30-39 - 11% (104)
40-49 - 25.2% (239)
50-59 - 33.3% (316)
60+ - 19% (180)
Total = 948”

77.5% are over 40; 52.3% are over 50; 11.5% are under 30

Survey done in September, 2006 (after ADTW release)

http://www.surveymonkey.com/DisplaySummary.asp?SID=2618265&U=261826597044

“Under 20 - 4.8% (23)
20-29 - 10.6% (51)
30-39 - 16.6% (80)
40-49 - 28.9% (139)
50-59 - 28.5% (137)
60+ - 10.6% (51)
Total = 481”

68% are over 40; 15.4% are under 30.

Clay’s music primarily appeals to older fans, because they feel younger as a result of being Claymates. Also, Clay shaped his current fanbase by actively courting these fans. He realized that their level of obsession and devotion, that they are easily manipulated, combined with their “mature” status, would enable them to spend far more money on multiple CDs and more time and money to attend multiple concerts. Is it any wonder that most of Clay’s younger fans have felt abandoned and unimportant? No surprise at all. That’s not where the $$$ is.

Claymates Attend Multiple Clay Aiken Concerts this Summer

2007-07-01T18:06:00.000-04:00

A few months ago, Team Clay announced Clay Aiken’s summer concerts at his Official Fanclub with this:

http://clayonline.com/index.php?news_page=10

“03/02/07 : Tour News Alert!
By Team Clay

Clay Aiken summer 2007 touring plans are close to being confirmed with dates that start in July all across the U.S. Keep your eyes peeled to clayonline.com for show announcements in the coming days, along with on sale and fan club presale information. Get your oil changed, and calculate those frequent flier miles...the summer tour will be here before you know it!”

As the announcement implied, Clay’s concert schedule was specifically designed to take advantage of the Claymates’ unusual history for attending multiple concerts on the same tour, a behavior that has escalated dramatically over the years.

In fact, Quiana Parler, Clay’s backup singer on his tours, has remarked on the repeat concertgoers on Clay’s tours, in this interview with ClayNationNews (CNN).

http://www.claynationnews.com/quianaparler-interview.html

“CNN: Do you guys really have as much fun as you seem to on stage? It looks like you're having a blast.

Q: We are. And more.

The funniest thing to me is to see the same faces, night after night, in every single city. But it's a good thing to have the love. How do you afford to do that? Is there a secret we don't know about? ”

There is a thread on the Clayboard tallying the number and location of concerts that members are attending.

http://p071.ezboard.com/ftheclayboardfrm11.showMessageRange?topicID=90624.topic&start=1&stop=20

As of yesterday, there are 347 Claymates who have posted the concerts they are attending (total 1,177), and the average number of concerts/Claymate is 3.4. Over 80% of members are going to 2 or more concerts. Over 50% are going to 3 or more concerts. Here is the breakdown:

# concerts ... # Claymates .. %

1 .......................... 99 ............ 28.5%

2 ......................... 68 ............ 19.6%

3 ......................... 69 ............. 19.9%

4 ......................... 73 .............. 21.0%

5 ......................... 16 ............... 4.6%

6 ......................... 16 ............... 4.6%

7 ......................... 4 ................. 1.2%

8 ......................... 3 ................. 0.9%

9 ......................... 4 .................. 1.2%

10 ....................... 4 ................... 1.2%

11 ........................ 6 ................... 1.7%

12 ........................ 1 ................... 0.3%

13 ........................ 1 ................... 0.3%

16 ........................ 3 ................... 0.9%

More interesting is that the concert locations and dates have been intentionally scheduled to accommodate multiple concertgoing. This marketing strategy is working very well on the Claymates, as a total of 70% are attending these grouped concerts (at least 2 concerts of a group, often more than one group of concerts).

http://clayonline.com/tours.html

Groups of 3-4 concerts are scheduled on successive days and are all within 1 to 4 hours’ drive from one location to the next.

Group of concerts ...................................... # of Claymates

Syracuse/Canandaigua/Chautauqua .................. 51 (14.7%)

San Diego/Pala/Los Angeles/Indio ................... 55 (15.9%)

Cary/Asheville/Knoxville ............................... 79 (22.8%)

Ft. Myers/Tampa/W. Palm Beach/Orlando .......... 57 (16.4%)

If this trend can be applied to the rest of the Claymates, roughly estimating that there are 5,000 Internet Claymates who will attend an average of 3.4 concerts this summer, then they will account for around 17,000 concert tickets, or over 12,000 in excess tickets. Exactly how Clay planned and predicted. Still, as of yesterday, none of Clay’s concerts are sold out, even small venues ranging from 1,600 to 2,500, and some of these are noticeably undersold. This, despite many of these concerts being part of summer subscription series of the various symphonies, where Clay is a guest performer. The Claymates are tracking ticket sales here:

http://www.theclackhouse.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=4302&sid=d93d7f0a67006e8a8a715a2df8b43cd0

So, not only are Clay’s CD sales padded with multiple buying, online polls and awards spammed, but his ticket sales are also padded and encouraged by Clay with his concert scheduling. Clay Aiken continues a marketing strategy to pursue a career based on false perceptions and statistics. Obviously, he doesn’t care, but it’s becoming more and more evident to everyone other than the Claymates.

Clay Aiken Celebrates Idol Musical With Dancer Boys

2007-06-28T10:56:00.000-04:00

Getting ready for a Clay date
Clay Aiken and a bevy of male chorus dancers partied into the wee hours at Cain nightclub over the weekend.

The group was celebrating the forthcoming Off-Broadway show, "Idol: The Musical" which is all about Clay and his "Claymates," the fans who love him. The guaranteed-to-be-a-classic show begins previews July 5.

Spies say the group ordered multiple bottles of Snow Queen vodka and poured into cabs together after a long night.
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/bwiddicombe/index.html
WHAT??? SNOW QUEEN VODKA? Can't make this stuff up!!
Or was Clay Aiken making things up when he said he doesn't drink?
A "bevy" of male chorus dancers?
How many is that?
Is it more than a few? Is it bigger than a bread box?
Why males only? ;)
They all left together?
My, my!!
Clay is one busy boy!
Good that he made time to celebrate a play that mocks his Claymates, though.
Here's a bit about the club where Clay and his boy friends were partying :
http://newyorkcity.key2travel.com/packages/374.html
Right in the heart of Chelsea, a neighborhood with one of the biggest gay populations in NYC and a known destination of designer-clad fashionistas.
Make of this what you will.

One matter of intrigue, will this be posted at the OFC as a Clay sighting?
The story of Clay Aiken and Tyra Banks having dinner was posted there to joyous Claymate reaction, and it originated from the same paper, same column.
See below:

"Coincidentally, after a busy Thursday that also included a Conan O'Brien interview, we're told Tyra stopped by Jean Georges for a fancy dinner with Clay Aiken."

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/bwiddicombe/2007/04/30/2007-04-30_irs_bites_croc_man.html

Can't wait to see if the current story is posted at OFC.

After all, a Clay sighting is a Clay sighting, isn't it?

The Clay Aiken Fraud Squad Cares and Shares

2007-06-27T14:12:00.000-04:00

Can you remember the moment you realized that something about Clay Aiken seemed false to you?

Do you recall an event or experience that convinced you that Clay Aiken was not as he presented himself to be?

When did YOU realize Clay Aiken was a fraud?

Please feel free to share your experiences with us.

We're here for you.

Clay Aiken: Another Great 2006 Tour Moment

2007-06-25T21:04:00.000-04:00

As we look forward to Clay Aiken's upcoming summer tour, let's look back at some favorite Clay Aiken moments from his holiday tour.

Here is another goodie.

Enjoy!

To Hate or Not to Hate....

2007-06-24T14:03:00.000-04:00

This morning I read one great post by h8n F0ol and it prompted me to respond. Then it got into this long "lunatic raving" (God I love that!) that I felt it was worth posting and eliciting responses.

The dinner auction was a charity driven one, but to the mats, it takes a whole new dimension. The mats LOVE to paint themselves as the greatest philanthropists and they're always grandstanding with their donations because they really
*coughcaresomuchformankindcough* when in reality is just a way to garner attention from their MESSiah (I liked that, :lol: ) which, they don't ever get except when he wants to mooch off them.

Not so long ago, I related a personal story about a homeless woman that I tried to help. As expected, my story was slammed by a mat who frequents here and gave me this "teach a man to fish" BS, BUT if SHE had been the one relating the story, they would have patted her in the back and her cohorts would've even nominated her for the Humanitarian Nobel Prize (if there's one). That's how hypocritical they are.
H8in, you're absolutely right; it had NOTHING to do with charity, but EVERYTHING about bragging rights and procuring a conduit to their MESSiah.

One of our regular posters responded to another concerning hate and she equated fraud with hate. I totally understand her point, but I think it's possible to hate fraud and all it implies, but not necessarily hate its executor. As much as I despise what Clay Aiken does and how he manipulated and still manipulates his way around the mats. I hate the act, not the actor because I KNOW that at the end of the day he will get what's due to him (well, he already is). Besides, he has caused more harm to the mats (and vice versa) and I can't hate him for that, they deserve every bit of it and they BOTH deserve each other.

Of course, I come from a non-fan stand point. He hasn't affected me directly in any way other than annoy the hell out of me :lol:, but THE MATS! N.O.W WE ARE TALKING! I can honestly say I HATE the big players into the harassment campaigns because they have gone "personal" about it. They have gone out of their way to hurt and cause harm guided by their true and real HATE against anything anti-Clesus. The fact deluded rabid Claymates have targeted innocent people and gone for them relentlessly invading their privacy (and I'm not talking about posting their names or where they live, although wrong too). I'm talking drive-bys, taking pictures of homes and posting them, contacting employers, family members and friends, posting their phone numbers, etc.) and I'm not even touching on everything they have done to undermine and attack other AI artists and media reporters. That's a whole new book that needs to be written about. ALL that's worth hating them for. I hate the fact Clay Aiken encourages them, but it is ultimately their decision to act up on it or reject his suggestions.

My "lunatic ravings" (as they call them) are geared mainly toward the mats and I will never stop from having a loathsome opinion about them, but I would NEVER lift a finger to deliberately cause harm to any of them, as much as I hate them (YES, I hate the mats). It's good enough for me to watch their heads explode with every scandal and sordid story, with every "Tarzan yell" they desperately try to hide, with every show of disrespect Faiken gives them and which, they blindly take as "snarks" or "jokes" or with this beautiful blog that causes them so much grief. THAT is worth more than getting personal. Faiken or ANYBODY is NOT worth personally harming anyone over it. It's wrong and I pray no one ends up really hurt because they are that far gone in their obsession. It's a REALITY SHOW LOSER, MATS! He won't give a crap about you if you EVER need him. You're just a dollar sign waiting to be cashed in on demand. That's all you mean to him, that's friggin' ALL!

We can all disagree in whether we hate X,Y,Z or not, but what we all agree with is, that a career built on fraud, deception, manipulation and lies is not worth supporting. Doing so, compromises one's integrity and/or values and frankly, an overrated, glorified karaoke singer or ANYONE or ANYTHING else for that matter, is NOT worth that, AT ALL.

Disclaimer: I want to make clear that what I'm writing about is strictly MY point of view and in no way reflects any other Adm's or Fraud Squad poster's point of view.

Looking Forward To Clay Aiken's Upcoming Tour!

2007-06-21T15:01:00.000-04:00

Are you getting excited yet for Clay Aiken's Summer Tour?

The start is less than two weeks away and it's going to open with a "bang" on July 4th at Pizza Hut Park in Texas in between a soccer game and 4th of July fireworks!

Soccer fans, beer, fireworks, Clay Aiken. I can't wait!

I'm looking foward to joining my friends at the Clayboard for the cell-certs!

Clay's last tour was so much fun and gave us so many memorable moments.

One of THE most memorable is posted above for your viewing pleasure.

Enjoy!

Clay Aiken: The Musical. From the NY Post

2007-06-21T12:15:00.000-04:00

THE CLAY'S THE THING IN BROADWAY 'IDOL'
By FARRAH WEINSTEIN

June 21, 2007 -- Attention, Claymates: You're not invisible anymore.

Todd Ellis, a drama teacher at Syracuse Civic Theatre, has invested his savings in an eight-week, off-Broadway production called "Idol: The Musical," inspired by hysterical Clay Aiken fans.

The play will take over the 45th Street Theatre in Times Square and will run in July and August.

The show focuses on nine students from Steubenville, Ohio, who worship Aiken and suffer from identity crises.

"There is so much hysteria surrounding the Claymates," said Ellis.

"He's godlike. The ones that are devoted to him are really devoted."

In the opening number, called "Idolize," the actors wear robes that are the pattern of the shirt Aiken wore on his first appearance on "Idol."

Another hokey song, called "Chip and Dale," centers around a basketball player who confesses to his cowboy friend that he wants to be a male stripper.

"You think you're in a religious ceremony in the first scene," says Ellis.

"But then the show explores the character. There is a message built in, and each character has a great transformation. At the end, they find their own self within musical comedy parody."

farrah.weinstein@nypost.com

http://www.nypost.com/php/pfriendly/print.php?url=http://www.nypost.com/seven/06212007/news/regionalnews/the_clays_the_thing_in_broadway_idol_regionalnews_farrah_weinstein.htm

It is beyond belief how Claymates can think this is a GOOD thing for Clay Aiken!

To those of you Claymates who have already bought tickets because you feel compelled to spend money on ANYTHING Clay related...ENJOY THE SHOW!!

Hey, Clay Aiken! Does This Fan Make You Proud?

2007-06-18T22:45:00.001-04:00

65. quickdrawmcgraw - June 18, 2007
I’m a member of Chexxxy’s. But I’m not in lockstep with everything that goes on there, so to say everyone there thinks or acts the same way is simply untrue. I go there to be able to read jp’s blog without giving him any hits. Some think that’s pretty stupid, but I have my own reasons for doing so.
As far as the “attack” on the OFC, it didn’t happen the way people are saying. It started with people objecting to the mods posting an article from an unverified source, which is against the TOU there. That was what I objected to. Word spread around the fandom, and many people jumped into the thread to object, but others jumped in because of long-standing beefs with the way the OFC has been moderated and run. To say all the posters in the thread were from Chexxxy’s is totally incorrect.
As far as the ‘wall of shame’, I go back and forth on that topic. There are some people in the fandom who honestly deserve to be vilified, because their actions have caused Clay harm. But there aren’t very many who fit that bill. Mostly, I’m uneasy about posting people’s pictures and other information.
I’m a member of other boards where I don’t agree with some of the stuff that goes on as well. Not everyone agrees about everything all the time. Not on Chexxxy’s, not on Clackhouse, not here.

Since we are aware that Clay Aiken reads this blog, I decided to feature the above comment as a blog post so that Clay will be sure to see it.

Clay, there is an element within your fanbase that stalks, threatens, harasses and attempts to "vilify" anyone that they deem deserving.

They have done it with mods at your OFC and they do it to anyone that dares to disagree with them or their methods.

Peoples pictures, names, addresses, family information including children, places of employment and other information has been sought out and gathered and disseminated by this element.

How do you feel about this? Are you proud of the people who do these things?

Don't you think you should do or say SOMETHING about this?

Clay Aiken Fandumb Still In Meltdown! Battle of the Blogs!

2007-06-18T12:06:00.000-04:00

It would seem that there has been another escalation of hostilities among factions of Clay Aiken's fan base.

As you all know, the messageboard at Clay Aiken's OFC was closed down for a bit due to tensions between a small amount of members who believe that Clay Aiken is gay and the larger portion of the fan club who stupidly believe that Clay just hasnt' found the right girl yet.

Clay Aiken tried to quell the unrest by blogging and saying well, NOTHING really, since he didn't call anyone out for specific behaviors, like hassling journalists, harrassing other fans for not being "true" fans and calling jihad on those who DON'T like Clay and see him for the all around fraud that he is.

Today, another round of fighting has picked up among the Claymates.

You will see below that Clay has done nothing to change anything about the dynamics of his fan base.

It seems that this was posted first:

Claynations dirty little secret.. June 18, 2007Posted by angelstar in Openly Clay, Clay Aiken Official Fan Club, Claymates, Chexxxy's, Neutral Zone, Clay Aiken, Fans, Public Figures, Message boards, stardom, Gay. trackback

Contributed by Anonymous

Thank you to NeutralZone for letting me get this off my chest.

For the first time this past week, the fan wars at the Official Fan Club Message Board made the news: First gossip columns and finally Fox News. An unfriendly “insider” made sure to pass around the news there was a fight going on which closed the board. Because a fan war wasn’t salacious enough on its own, this “insider” decided it would be much more interesting to frame it as the fans who think he’s straight against the fans who think he’s gay.

The Fan Club does not allow rumors on the board, nor does it allow talk about Clay’s private life. Therefore, the thread wasn’t actually about that. It was about gossip sites and whether they should be allowed or not…on the surface.

However, on a deeper level it was about one thing. It was about the moderator CanadianGal and the people at Chexxxy’s Place.

I want to tell the NeutralZone readers about Chexxxy’s Place.

Chexxxy’s Place is the dirty little secret of the Clay Nation. It is the real subject that dare not be spoken of. I have been told that privately all of the moderators of all of Clay’s fan message boards disapprove of this board but I cannot tell that when I do a survey.

Chexxxy, known as Titian on the Club fan board led the charge that brought down the Clay’s fan club. I wonder if Clay was really grateful. Chexxxy said it wasn’t a planned attack so for the purposes of this blog, we’ll call it a planned and unintentional pile-on. An unplanned attack which bore the thread title “OFC Revolt” on her board. Chexxxy admitted to being Titian.

Why did Chexxxy and her followers do this? Because Chexxxy is the sole arbiter of what a real, true fan of Clay Aiken is. CanadianGal is obviously not a true fan. Chexxxy decided it was time to get rid of CanadianGal and did her best to do it. She did not succeed.

But this is not the first, nor the most egregious example of what this little, fanatical group of Clay fans have done. They have a wall of shame on their board where they have published the picture and private information of people they consider enemies of the Claymates. These include members of Openly Clay, CanadianGal and other people who are too “negative” to suit this little lynch mob. They even included friends of mine who I think are bystanders in this little fight. Being a bystander does not make you okay though. If Chexxxy’s board thinks you are the enemy then you are the enemy. The enemy of Clay Aiken. It doesn’t matter if you go to his concerts, buy his CDs or otherwise behave as a supportive fan. Clay’s avengers may have a picture of you on their board.

Yes, you read this correctly. They have targeted and identified other fans and have harassed them on the net. They have engaged in cyber-stalking in the name of Clay Aiken. They are the Clay Fans’ Gestapo. People have told me of their fear, their concerns, and their desire to quit being Clay Aiken’s fan because of this. I think some may have been driven away. If you are Chexxxy you think this is a good thing. If you are not Chexxxy you may be appalled as I am.

So the NeutralZone is allowing me to take a stand. I am a Claymate and I do not support Chexxxy and her wars, her hall of shame, or her disrespect of Clay’s fans or his fan club board.
Chexxxy, you think you have taken care of Clay but you have not. You and your cronies are cyber-bullies. It is bad enough that Clay Aiken faces bullies and has all his life but now he has his own group within his fan club members who practice against his fans what they deplore against Clay himself.

Look in the mirror. See what those fans who don’t think like you see. It isn’t pretty. I hope other fans will come out and speak up. Bullies will always fail when the good take a stand.

Take a stand, fellow Claymates.

http://theclayaikenblog.wordpress.com/2007/06/18/claynations-dirty-little-secret-is-out/

And in response, this was posted:

Monday, June 18, 2007

Clay Nation - the silent majority speaks out
There's a rule on all the Clay Aiken message boards about not discussing other boards or posters. What this has done is allow those with nefarious intentions to get away with spreading lies about Clay in safety because no one can call them out and there has been no where any of us who care about him could gather and share what we knew about these people.

All that changed when Chexxxy started her board. You bet your ass we know who these liars and gossip mongers are. And you know what? They are scared silly now. So they are trying their damnedest to shift the focus onto Chexxxy to save their own hides.

Guess what - it is not going to work. The only rule at Chexxxy's is you damn well better respect Clay Aiken. Simple. You don't respect him, your out. You call him a liar, your out. That's what all these detractors have in common. And that's why they are so pissed off at Chexxxy. She will not tolerate their antics. If feeling the same way makes me a follower tough. Get used to it, because the silent majority is tired of being silent, tired of the disrespect towards Clay and tired of the lies being spread around by a certain few. And yes, you can bet your ass we know who you are.
Technorati tags: Clay Aiken
gossip
Clay Aiken Fan Club
Clay Nation
message boards
posted by Truth Rules 8:04 AM

http://truth-rules.blogspot.com/2007/06/clay-nation-silent-majority-speaks-out.html

ooooh!! Scary shit, eh? LOL!!

And then this from someone who seems to have an unusual degree of anger towards birds:

That’s why they call them tabloids, folks.
Proud Member of Chexxxy’s Place
Just reporting that I am a proud member of Chexxxy’s Place, where all Clay Aiken fans are welcome!
Since a decree has gone out to “take a stand,” (sounds to me like someone wants to pick a fight, directly against the advice to ‘ignore’) I will continue to stand on the side of respect, honor, truth, common decency and courage.

http://flippinbirds.com/blog/?p=31

Yep, looks like the battle of the blogs is on for today.

This blog will be updated as necessary.

Sit back and enjoy the show!

Clay Aiken Moves to Limit the Scope of his Deposition in Holleman Lawsuit

2007-06-17T14:02:00.000-04:00

Clay Aiken is still trying to have himself removed as a defendant in the Holleman lawsuit, and now he has submitted a Motion for a Protective Order to limit the scope of questioning for his deposition on June 20. The documents can be downloaded here:

http://www.4shared.com/file/18051643/270bcc95/MFPO.html

This document also contains a request to have Clay's deposition videotaped. What happened to Clay's "vigorous" defense of his family as he stated publically here:

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,26334,1223902,00.html

"Clay Aiken Sued by Book Author

TUESDAY AUGUST 08, 2006 09:40 AM EDT

By Stephen M. Silverman

Clay Aiken Sued by Book Author Clay Aiken

Clay Aiken is being sued for more than a quarter of a million dollars by the author of an "unauthorized tribute" to the American Idol runner-up.

Jeannie Holleman, 50, of Raleigh, N.C., claims that Aiken defamed her and conspired to hinder sales of her 2005 book, Out of the Blue â€“ 'Clay' it Forward, the Associated Press reports.

Holleman describes herself as a lifelong friend and neighbor of the McGhees, a Raleigh family that was close to Aiken's mother, Faye Parker, and took in Parker and a young Aiken after Parker left her abusive husband.

Holleman's book is a compilation of interviews with the McGhees, along with the author's personal recollections and anecdotes from Aiken's fans.

In her lawsuit, filed Friday in Wake County Superior Court, Holleman alleges that Aiken, his mother and others denied they knew her, said her stories were lies and belittled the book on Aiken fan sites in an effort to defame Holleman and depress her book sales.

She also claims that one of Aiken's bodyguards manhandled her at a Hawaii fundraiser.

Holleman is seeking at least $260,000 in damages. She also asks that the court order Aiken to retract his critical comments or to endorse Out of the Blue on his official Web site, write an introduction for the book and sell it at his concerts for at least five years.

On Monday, Aiken, 27, issued a statement through his record company, RCA (which will release his new album, A Thousand Different Ways, on Sept. 19), saying that he'd "instructed my attorneys to not only vigorously dispute the claims that have been made but to also pursue all possible remedies against those involved in the perpetration of these untruths."

The statement continues, "As a so-called 'celebrity' I have become used to scurrilous allegations and untruths being made about me and my work. I have always taken the path of not reacting to these matters and have accepted them as, somehow, coming with the 'job.' However, I cannot, and will not, stand by when these attacks are made on my family."

So now, Clay is trying to squirm out of the case as a defendant? I guess that this is what he means by "not standing by when these attacks are made on his family"? So much for Clay's boasting.

It appears that a tentative trial date for case 06 CVS 011391 has been scheduled for October 15, 2007, according to the published calendar for the Wake County Superior Court.

http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=06+CVS+011391&btnG=Search&meta=

SUPERIOR COURT SIX MONTHS CALENDAR
File Format: Microsoft Word
MCGUIRE,MATTHEW P. 06-CVS-011391 447. MCINNES,ALAN D. 05-CVS-012573 204. MCINNES,ALAN D. 06-CVS-003026 209. MCINNES,ALAN D. 06-CVS-005409 267 ...
web.co.wake.nc.us/courts/documents/calendars/fallsixmonthscalendar2007.doc

WAKE COUNTY CIVIL SUPERIOR COURT
SIX MONTHS CALENDAR
FALL, 2007

SCHEDULE A - THE HONORABLE ABRAHAM PENN JONES
SCHEDULE B - THE HONORABLE DONALD W. STEPHENS
SCHEDULE C - THE HONORABLE ROBERT H. HOBGOOD
SCHEDULE D - THE HONORABLE R. ALLEN BADDOUR, JR.
SCHEDULE E - THE HONORABLE KENNETH C. TITUS
SCHEDULE F - THE HONORABLE W.OSMOND SMITH, III

N O T E S

THIS CALENDAR WILL SERVE AS THE TENTATIVE TRIAL CALENDAR FOR THE SIX MONTHS PERIOD. FINAL TRIAL CALENDARS WILL BE PUBLISHED FIVE WEEKS PRIOR TO THE FIRST DAY OF COURT. CASES MAY BE ADDED TO THIS CALENDAR AT THE REQUEST OF COUNSEL OR BY THE TRIAL COURT ADMINISTRATOR. CASES APPEARING ON THIS CALENDAR MAY BE CONTINUED BY THE TRIAL COURT ADMINISTRATOR. WHEN A CASE ON A PUBLISHED CALENDAR (SIX MONTHS OR FINAL) IS SETTLED, ALL ATTORNEYS OF RECORD MUST NOTIFY THE TRIAL COURT ADMINISTRATOR WITHIN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS OF THE SETTLEMENT AND ADVISE WHO WILL PREPARE AND PRESENT THE CLOSING DOCUMENT AND WHEN.

SALLIE B. KEARNS, TRIAL COURT ADMINISTRATOR
TENTH JUDICIAL DISTRICT OF NORTH CAROLINA
1035 WAKE COUNTY COURTHOUSE
POST OFFICE BOX 1916
RALEIGH, NC 27602
TELEPHONE: (919) 755-4103
FAX: (919) 715-4064

# 447 _______________________________________________________________________

Monday, October 15, 2007

06-CVS-011391 HOLLEMAN,DORIS,JEAN ROCKEY,ARLAINE I.
-VS-
AIKEN,CLAYTON,HOLMES MCGUIRE,MATTHEW P.
AIKEN,CLAYTON,HOLMES FID

DAYS SINCE FILING: 259

Jury

Will Clay manage to have limits placed on his deposition? Will he be removed as a defendant in this lawsuit? Will he leave Faye, Frances and the BAF to defend themselves? Will Clay settle this case, despite his claims of scurrilous allegations?

The saga continues.

Happy Father's Day!

2007-06-17T08:14:00.001-04:00

Just loving the music

2007-06-14T23:54:00.000-04:00

I hope you don't mind if I bring this article here. I'm only doing so to point out how a true musician views his work.

http://www.realitytvworld.com/news/idol-champ-ruben-studdard-preparing-begin-work-on-fourth-album-5347.php

'Idol' champ Ruben Studdard preparing to begin work on fourth album

By Christopher Rocchio, 06/14/2007Ruben Studdard sang in gospel choirs as a child and graduated from Alabama A&M University with a voice studies degree in 2000, but the 28-year-old couldn't break into the music industry until he auditioned for a certain reality competition series in 2002.

"I tell you what -- the one thing I can say is that I tried my whole life to be a professional singer and nothing ever worked until American Idol came around," the Fox mega-hit's second-season winner told the Richmond Times-Dispatch in an interview published Thursday. "I'm appreciative of everything they've ever done for me, and I will always sing their praises." (too bad Clay Aiken nor his fans can appreciate the same. Funny that Ruben would be the one saying this when he was the one treated like the stepchild while Clay stepped in and stole his spotlight.)

While Idol may have launched Studdard's career into pop stardom he proved that he could also remain faithful to his roots, as his 2004 gospel album "I Need an Angel" was certified gold after selling more than 500,000 copies since it's release.

"The gospel album started off being a Christmas album and [RCA chairman and producer Clive Davis] said, 'You grew up in the church and gospel is something you really love,'" Studdard explained to the Times-Dispatch. "Plus, Aretha Franklin and Donny Hathaway, my favorite singers, have all done gospel albums. I got a chance to pay tribute to some singers that I grew up listening to, and because of it, everyone thought I turned into a gospel artist."

Studdard characterized those thoughts as a "misconception" and backed that up with 2006's "The Return," an R&B album that may have only sold 226,000 copies since its October release but definitely has a more soulful sound than Idol fans are used to hearing from him.

"[With 'The Return'] I knew I wanted to come out with something everyone would love," Studdard told the Times-Dispatch. "The album took so many directions. I worked on it for two years, so you can imagine how many directions you could go. But it turned out exactly the way I wanted."

The "Velvet Teddy Bear" said he plans on starting to work on his fourth album in July and his sights set on recording a duet with a fellow Idol winner.

"I really want to do a duet with [Idol 3 champ Fantasia Barrino] on this next album," Studdard told the Times-Dispatch. "We met while she was on [Idol] and have been friends ever since. I'm hoping this next album will be more soulful than all the ones I've ever done." (Looks like he's finally listening to those fans like myself, who wants the soulful Ruben back.)

Studdard's sound isn't the only thing that's constantly changing, as he's also dropped some serious weight recently when he made the decision to become a vegetarian.

"I wanted to do something different as far as my diet was concerned, and what could be more different than being a vegetarian? It's working. I have a lot more energy. I've probably lost 85 to 90 pounds," he told the Times-Dispatch. "I do exercise -- cardio and weight training -- but I'd taken a month off and today was my first day back, so I'm a little sore."

Because Studdard knows not every aspiring singer will have the opportunity to show-off their abilities on Idol, he founded the Ruben Studdard Foundation in 2003 to help others attain their dreams.

"[It's] a scholarship organization to help deserving high school seniors studying music and to give grants to schools that need sheet music. Anything musical, we try to give money for it," he told the Times-Dispatch. "I had a wonderful music education in high school -- that's what promoted me in college. There's no way a child could come from high school with a not-so-good music program and major in it in college... We are just looking to do whatever we can do [to give kids the same opportunity]." (Ruben, you mean to tell me it wasn't created because you were jealous of Clay creating a bogus to real foundation???? You ACTUALLY cared for the kids??? Okay, so I'm being "snarky" :lol:

Despite a cameo in 2004's Scooby Doo: Monsters Unleashed as well as several small television roles, Studdard said he has no immediate plans to attempt a Jennifer Hudson-like move and take the plunge into acting.

"I just want to make the music, man. All the rest of that stuff will come when it comes," he told the Times-Dispatch. "I'm big on going with the flow. I never like to push things. If an opportunity presents itself, I'll take it. People voted for me to sing, so that's what I feel I should bring to them."

...and this is what being a musician and loving the music is all about. If they just sing to earn a paycheck [like we know who], one can easily see that there's no passion, no interest, no desire to go beyond and amaze the fans. Ruben just wants to make the music and even when his performances are at a smaller scale, they are constantly coming. He has no "official" tour, but it's constantly performing and that's what builds a career. As much as I hate that sometimes he just doesn't care whether he performs with AI rejects or big stars such as Aretha Franklin, his "gigs" are steady and includes all kinds of venues. The basis of an artist is to get exposure. For someone like Ruben, in a genre that is so competitive and coming from AI, his efforts are twice as hard. If you also add the mistakes he has made in the course of his career, to find him moving on and continuing to bring his art wherever he can, and doing it successfully it is indeed commendable. It's not about fame, but about the music.

I'm one of his biggest fans and also one of his hardest critics. I don't believe in sugarcoating (no shit...) or trying to make excuses for him because that's not how an artist grows, and just like an artist loves to hear what people likes of them, it is from hearing what they don't that they can learn and better themselves. The fact he says he will do a more soulful CD makes me think he listened to those of us who strongly criticized his "pimped out" image (that in my opinion was totally foreign to the real Ruben) and is willing to compromise by giving his fans what they would like to hear more of.

I totally respect his commitment to the music and to making sure that others less privileged can also be given the same opportunity he was given to pursue their dream. I also admire his commitment to himself and to make sure that no matter what setbacks presented themselves to him, he has been able to overcome them in spite of those who tried their darnedest to make him fail. The wheels are now turned and as we always knew, Ruben STILL won!

Contributed by emach1300

Clay Aiken Gets a Mention On Kathy Griffin's Show

2007-06-13T11:50:00.001-04:00

Clay Aiken got a mention on Kathy Griffin's show last night.

You can view the youtube here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6lDwrkn5og

LOVE Kathy Griffin! Does she know Clay, or what?

Clay Aiken To OFC: IT WILL BE LOCKED

2007-06-11T18:59:00.000-04:00

In a recent blog, Clay Aiken referred to the conflict over his sexuality (only he wouldn't DARE say sexuality) that led to the message board being closed at his OFC. This is some of what he had to say about the situation:

Now on to serious matters...With regard to the message board shut down, I apologize for not being more informed.

My initial understanding was that the message boards were becoming somewhat of a breeding ground for negativity and in fighting. I was told they were going to be shut down for a short period of time to try to clean house.

At the time, I just took that information and quite honestly, ignored it. I have always felt it best to let people do their jobs without interfering and micro-managing. So, I let the folks who run the fansite do what they felt was best.

Now, more informed, a shut down may not have been the best thing. I will take responsibility for not being as informed and involved as I should have been, and I will apologize.

With that in mind, I have emailed the "powers that be" and asked them to turn the message boards back on by Monday morning. (Mind you, they are on the west coast.) I don't always get my way, but I will hope that they will listen.

Again, I apologize for not stepping in sooner and asking them not to do the shut down in the first place.I promise you that I will do everything within my power to make sure that, with the exception of scheduled maintenance or an uncontrollable circumstance, the message boards are never shut down for punative reasons again. It isn't fair.

With these statements, Clay flat out says that he had nothing to do with the OFC message board being closed down and was against the idea once he became aware of it.

He tries to imply that he does not have much control over the OFC and that a lot of the decisions there are left to "the powers that be".

Interesting then, that the following was posted in this blog's comments shortly after the shutdown took place:

well...here is the behind the scenes info. It was not possible to post this earlier as it was happening but since the information has been "leaked" beyond those few involved it is okay to share now.

JF was furious at what she saw on the OFC.
Apparently she was the one who blew the whistle over the chaos that enveloped the OFC. It was her advice that the message board be shut down. She also wanted Faiken to specifically address the issue and explain why it was being shut down.

Mama was of the opposite opinion reminding the Faiken that he owes his career to the mats and the ones who protect him the most (over what you can easily conclude) are saving his career. She was adamant that nothing critical be said about any group of fans as that is where the money comes from.

From a business standpoint the OFC is NOT a moneymaker and the headaches that come from it and the now potential damage that will occur in the NE is proving that the venture is not worthwhile.

Faiken knew all of what went on. The claims of being "less informed" and now "more informed" are b.s.

He reads the OFC all the time and it was his decision to close the boards. (TPTB do NOT make the decisions. HE does.) So, the decision to blog appeased JF's demands that something be said directly to the issue but the content of the blog deliberately says nothing and does not single any group out on purpose in order to appease Mama.

The money keeps coming in and those on their crusade all think they have been knighted.

Unfortunately, the grown-ups around the Faiken know this is one more time NOTHING has been handled and will set the stage for another blow up, time frame unknown.
anonymous 06.10.07 - 5:01 pm #

If the above post is to be believed, and it seems credible as Clay is a NOTORIOUS control freak, then Clay has noone but himself to blame for the media blitz that took place today.

It truly was a magnificent shitstorm!

Website after website reported the conflict over Clay's sexuality at the OFC today. Check it out:
http://www.nypost.com/seven/06112007/gossip/pagesix/aiken_site_too_hot_to_handle_pagesix_.htm
http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20042058,00.html
http://gawker.com/news/gossip-roundup/paris-hilton-cries-out-to-barbara-walters-267658.php
http://www.dlisted.com/node/11126
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2007/06/oh_johnjohn.html
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2007/06/11/while-you-were-crashing-the-hbo-website/
http://www.fadedyouthblog.com/3914/aikens-site-is-too-gay-to-function/
http://www.tothepeople.com/2007/06/around-horn.html
http://www.postchronicle.com/news/original/article_21285864.shtml
http://www.jossip.com/madonna/jossip-juxtaposition-16-20070611/
http://reluctantwhore.blogspot.com/2007/06/clay-aikens-fan-army-of-obese-middle.html
http://pierceflicks.com/blogthisaway/2007/06/11/22/
http://www.poolparty.com/poolparty/2007/06/war_declared_in.html
http://vh1blog.vh1.com/2007/06/claymates_be_cr.html
http://www.spinner.com/2007/06/11/the-chum-bucket-sopranos-theories-claymates-battle-it-out-r/
http://www.buzztracker.com/permalink/21198/35136255/Theres-Trouble-Brewing-in-the-Claynation
http://www.celebritymound.com/?p=5571
http://www.towleroad.com/2007/06/trouble_in_clay.html
http://popdirt.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61573
http://socialitelife.com/2007/06/11/theres_trouble_brewing_in_the_claynation.php
http://www.courier-journal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070612/COLUMNISTS18/706120301/1011/SCENE
http://celebrityphotonews.wordpress.com/2007/06/12/clay-aiken-fans-at-odds-over-singer-s-sexuality/
http://chartrigger.blogspot.com/2007/06/music-junkie-digest-shayne-ward-goes-to.html
http://www.rickey.org/?p=3972
http://www.clayaikenposters.com/2007/06/latest-update-clay-aiken-6112007-90009.html
http://vortex.cma.nl.eu.org/Sopranos-Theories
http://www.clayaikenmusicnews.com/battle-of-the-claymates-antimusic/
http://www.laist.com/2007/06/11/gay_bomb_headli.php
http://www.hiifii.com/26641/battle-of-the-gays.html
http://www.celebslam.com/just-like-the-civil-war-only-gayer
http://www.3viso.com/gossip/fans-actually-fighting-over-clay-aiken%E2%80%99s-sexuality/2007/06/12/
http://www.idolstalker.com/is-clay-aiken-gay/
http://www.americanidolworship.com/2007/06/clay-aiken-fans-at-odds-over-singers-sexuality/
http://www.oumph.com/?p=727
http://www.shoutmouth.com/index.php/news/14901
http://aiken.fimbi.com/2007/06/12/barring-the-babes/
http://theblemish.com/2007/06/michelle-trachtenberg-has-a-huge-tongue-and-more/
http://ajcreader.portspaces.com/post/idolblog/612_claymates_get_in_a_scrape.html
http://tastefulsociety.com/2007/06/12/from-a-manson-murder-to-one-worn-out-suit/
http://allwomenstalk.com/michelle-trachtenberg-has-a-huge-tongue-and-more/
http://www.celebrityhack.com/nick-lachey-douchebag-links/
http://colbycarrington.blogspot.com/2007/06/clay-aiken-fans-at-war-over-his.html
http://www.bastardly.com/archives/2007/06/13/a-big-bastardly-happy-birthday-to-ms-pamela-anderson/

NOT BAD FOR ONE DAY!!
It is hard to recall another time in recent memory when Clay has seen so much attention in the media!

Some of these websites even trotted out the notorious web-cam pictures.

http://atlmalcontent.typepad.com/atlmalcontent/2007/06/battle_of_the_c.html

http://eatyournews.blogspot.com/2007/06/there-is-trouble-brewing-in-claynation.html

http://www.wendywayrad.com/2007/06/clay_aiken_fans.html

This could hardly be the reaction Aiken expected from his decision, but it is his own doing.
Well, his and his Claymates.
The Claymates overreaction to a lighthearted reference in a Canadian publication triggered it.

And Clay's duplicity about his sexuality, hell, his duplicity about EVERYTHING, has triggered it all.

Nice going, Mr. Teacher-man Clay!

Oh..and it's spelled "PUNITIVE". You're welcome. ;)

Clay Aiken: Will The Madness Ever End?

2007-06-11T10:19:00.000-04:00

It is four years since Clay Aiken ended his stint on AI2 and became what has become the most manipulative and fraudulent assault on fans in history. Will it ever end? It’s naïve to expect that it will. Why ruin a good thing (for him)?

Most people could not get away with such fraud but Clay’s fans are a different kind of breed. TV evangelists do it all the time but it is quite unprecedented for an entertainer, and the term is used loosely, to accomplish this.

Clay walked away from the show with a challenge to those who took his loss as a personal affront and wanted to right what they felt was an obvious wrong. There was already an Internet presence being fed the party line by friends of Clay so taking it to the next level was easy. Especially with the help of RCA types who assumed the identity of fans, the help of a rabid and opportunistic fan named Fran Skinner Lewis who wanted to take control of the fandom and work her magic for Clay, and let’s not forget Mama and her gang.

Clay and Ruben both profited by the popularity of the show and the sales of their first singles and first CD’s reflected that. Four years later, both are struggling to reach the same height, showing how fickle fame can be. While Ruben took the high road, Clay traveled the low one. The road that required a crew to keep it maintained while an unscrupulous crew manager made unreasonable and unprecedented demands.

Clay doesn’t have much support left. Sooner or later people on the crew grew weary of being treated poorly and they walked away. Of course, most of Clay’s fans left because his talent did not live up to the hype. But others left when it was clear that he was selling a false image and doing whatever he could to reach the most lonely and desperate types, the ones who would go to battle for him.

To this day Clay is still playing the same games. His recent blogs are proof positive that the guy has no intention of ever being honest with his fans. Manipulation is first nature to him now, fueled by the desperation of losing what remains of his career.

There are certain types who want to believe that Clay is changing. They take words that he did not write and interpret them as something else. Clay makes fools of them every step of the way but their pride will not let them believe it. Whether it is Clay or someone working on his behalf, it is clear that Clay hates these types most of all. It amuses him to no end to exercise mind control over the people who once tried to destroy him. They fell short because they wanted Clay to love them; the easiest marks for Clay.

There is nothing keeping Clay from coming out but greed. He can come out if he wants to, it’s a simple thing. With is current blog he has pushed himself so deep into the closet he may never find his way out. He wants it this way.

Clay’s sexual orientation is at the core of his manipulation because he knows his fans will fight (with money) to the death to defend his heterosexuality. It inspires them more than anything else. Clay is a liar and a fraud, a poor excuse for a human being. The fact that he is gay should not matter but he makes it matter by using it to keep his fans engaged.

It would be great if the media would do an expose’ on Clay and the fandom because it really is a story that needs to be told. It’s far more entertaining than how many days Paris Hilton will remain behind bars.

What's Really Going on with John Paulus and Clay Aiken?

2007-06-10T17:43:00.000-04:00

On June 9, John Paulus wrote this as part of his commentary on an interview with Clay Aiken on Yahoo Music interview in which he criticized the efforts of “idol Gives Back”, among other things.

“I think Clay Aiken was totally in the wrong for the criticism he leveled at Idols Give Back (IGB) which he made during his interview with Yahoo Music. Such criticism could have a negative impact on a well intended charity's ability to raise funds for children living in desperate situations. If just one person who read or heard Clay Aiken's negative comments regarding IGB decided not to donate the result is another child left to suffer or go without an education. To sacrifice a child like this in a effort to show that he's humanitarianism is in some way more sincere or correct is self serving.

His criticism is a slap in the face to all the performers who took the time to participate and to all those who spent tireless days and nights working to organize such an effort. It's also an insult to those who donated. I am both disappointed and surprised. Perhaps, he will never change.”

John then went on to admit that Clay had lied, manipulated and used him for the past six months as many on this blog had warned him would happen. John’s own posts from his blog:

“Absolutely not. I said before that you cannot expect nearly 29 years of maladaptive behaviors to disappear completely in a few months or even a few years. You have to expect that from time to time a person will slip up and revert to those bad habits which they know, even if they are trying to change. Change is a process, not something where you snap your fingers and become a perfect person.”

Honey, I am not basing my opinion on just this one incident. Trust that I have other examples which aren't public. He has made VERY little effort to change. Actions speak louder than words.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 4:16 pm #
-------------------
“You know - Clay Aiken may never become the person that WE want him to be - and may just be who he is - whatever that is. I don't think verbal beatings or put-downs on a public internet blog makes anyone a better person. Usually the reason why we do it is to convince others to feel the same way we do.”

Give it a break. If he wants to be a two-faced liar, who manipulates, connives, backstabs, is irresponsible, doesn't commit to anything, is lazy, selfish, insulting, and critical, then he can be. If he doesn't think he needs to change any of that then he will continue to lose friends, fans, and be shunned by the music industry.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 4:41 pm #
------------------------
“Whew - You sound really pissed with all the name calling!! Feel better now?"

What? I don't see any name calling whatsoever. That's just a VERY stupid statement on your part. I see those as adjectives describing a person and adverbs describing their actions.

Namecalling would be things such as; whore, twerp, fag, fatso, etc. You saw none of that.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 4:50 pm #
-----------------
John, what in the world has made you so mad at Clay?

First of all, I think his comments, no matter how they are construed are completely out of line. Second, I have my own reasons.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 4:59 pm #
-----------------
John, I was hoping that you were right about Clay changing. I have to admit I thought you were too easy on him, but you had your reasons, and I figured that you knew more than us about him, after all. He still to me comes across as a selfish and arrogant guy who never thinks before he speaks.

I believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove they aren't deserving.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 5:22 pm #
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I'm not defending Clay anymore after reading those IMs.. when JP said nasty things about the fans.. Clay did not defend them or tell John to knoick it off.. as a matter of fact.. he agreed with him at one point.. made me very sad to read but I'm glad I know now

There are others even more insulting.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 8:36 pm #
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He's bright, and more informed than many, but he speaks without real knowledge most of the time.

There's nothing bright about him. If he was he would just keep quiet.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 9:07 pm #
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“Faiken is smart enough to know he can manipulate honorable people who give their word and trust to help him. He lies to people in that "oh have pity on me, I have issues and am trying to change" bullshit way of his and sucks people in to give him what he wants while he laughs in their faces. He never intends anything he says. He says what is expedient and helps his bottom line but he never means what he says. It is all superficial bs with him. The honorable people expect him to act honorably but Faiken laughs at that and takes what he gets from them straight to the bank.”

I learned that this week.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 10:17 pm #
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Uh, my disappointment with Clay has nothing to do with Ben. It's about Clay keeping promises and commitments and then contacting me when he needs something from me. I don't like being used.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 10:42 pm #
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“YOU are finally coming to see that. It is hard to strip it all away and look at it for what it truly is. To do so takes courage and the realization that you have been used. No one wants to feel that so denial helps the pain. Feeling like it is somehow diffeent this time but it never is. The lies are just told more gently.............”

See this is where you have underestimated me. You have no idea about my conversations with him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt until the end of April. He blew it yesterday.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 10:49 pm #
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Kiss or no kiss isn't talking to him. She and he got in a fight last month. He apparently lied to her and broke a bunch of promises. She was tired of being used and told me she's had it with him.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 10:52 pm #
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Actually I hae never underestimated you. but I do believe Faiken has. You gave him a deadline to make what he said he was all about REAL. He didn't and you have every right to move on and call him out on the type of person he really is. He had no intention of meeting your deadline or your requirements. he said whatever he said to placate you which he did for awhile. He did not count on you actually having principles and standing up for them. When someone makes a promise they give you their word. The recipient also gives their word that they will wait, and support and be there during the process. Faiken probably felt he had you under control and could say anything he wanted. Good for you. If you have broken the cycle that comes from early abuse you should be celebrating the strength you have. Not being sucked in is a victory and not selling out is your first reward. Congrats.”

Unfortunately some of my own supporters underestimated me as well. I will always stick to my principles. I wanted to believe he would change and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He used me and lied. He deserves no respect from me.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 11:03 pm #
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“In fact, many told of how they helped him time and time again, accepted his aplogies, listened to his sobbing confessions of guilt, only to realize later he cries on cue and knows exactly where everyone's buttons are. to your credit you were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but leopards don't change their spots and now you join the club of those who already knew the outcome.”

I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's just who I am. He deceived me.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 11:14 pm #
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“John, the reality is you were just waiting for him to screw up. You need to take this up with him instead of airing his dirty laundry publicly. His relationship with you, and that is what you have with him, is a private matter to be respected.”

First of all he had screwed up many times and we had many an argument. I continued to forgive him and accept his repeated apologies. If I was waiting for him to screw up I would have only needed to wait 2 weeks after his apology. Got it.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 11:17 pm #
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I don't need to take it up with Clay. So I can hear the same nonsense from him? "I'm sorry John, I didn't mean to come across like that. I really like you and want to get to know you... maybe more I'm under a lot of pressure from my label and negotiations aren't going well. I need you to understand".

Hello. I'm not buying his crap.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 11:20 pm #
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“I doubt he will be talking to you from now on.”

Let's see. I don't care. I don't need to talk to someone who lies, manipulates, uses, and deceives. Unlike the his Paychecks, I'm not dependent on him.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 11:48 pm #
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During this period where John was “giving Clay the benefit of the doubt”, it appears that he was doing whatever he could to ingratiate himself with Clay, even to the point of lying (his recant) in an attempt to continue the fraud. Here are IMs that John posted of alleged conversations he had with Clay:

” Claymates are you ready for some shock and awe?

John Paulus (2/18/2007 2:17:08 PM): As far as the question did it refer to what I wrote above?
Clay (2/18/2007 2:20:30 PM): Yes it did. What I meant was time to see each other.
John Paulus (2/18/2007 2:22:01 PM): I don't know if I can see you today. I am an absolute mess. I was up all night fighting with those on Claymate411 trying to defend you and make them have a shred of compassion.
Clay (2/18/2007 2:24:10 PM): I hope we could see each other sometime soon
John Paulus (2/18/2007 2:24:59 PM): I can see you Tuesday- Friday or I can call into work sick one day if that would be better.
John Paulus (2/18/2007 2:25:26 PM): I hope you aren't upset with me.
John Paulus (2/18/2007 2:29:25 PM): Listen, I am going to sit down and eat with family. I will be back here in about an hour. Let me know if you want me to take off from work on any of those days or meet you this coming weekend.
Clay (2/18/2007 2:37:14 PM): Friday isnt good for me, I may still be in NY. I have a lot to do there while Im there for the morning show. Tuesday would be ok, I believe, as of now. Dont take a day off of work because of me.
Clay (2/18/2007 2:40:07 PM): Ill be here.
John Paulus Homepage 05.09.07 - 10:23 pm # “
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“So here's a tease about the recant:

John Paulus (3/7/2007 5:41:37 PM): Are you there?
Clay (3/7/2007 5:42:15 PM): Yes I am. Things change. I can't keep making excuses, you won't believe me. So I just choose to shut my mouth.
John Paulus (3/7/2007 5:42:58 PM): I think I would rather hear your excuses than you ignoring me.
John Paulus (3/7/2007 5:43:26 PM): I think it would have been nice to have sent a message saying "something came up".
John Paulus (3/7/2007 5:44:44 PM): I damn near fell on my sword for you and am being called by papers and some media a liar.
Clay (3/7/2007 5:46:23 PM): Well that was your choice.
John Paulus (3/7/2007 5:46:47 PM): You bitch.
John Paulus (3/7/2007 5:46:52 PM): lol
Clay (3/7/2007 5:47:51 PM): It was your choice.
Clay (3/7/2007 5:47:55 PM): You didn't have to do what you did.
John Paulus (3/7/2007 5:47:59 PM): I know it was.
John Paulus (3/7/2007 5:48:56 PM): Well, I was hoping this way it would pull some of the old fans back into the fold and you could go forward with your new label and put everything else behind.
Clay (3/7/2007 5:49:12 PM): I'm going on with my life.
John Paulus Homepage 05.08.07 - 1:42 am # “
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In the above IMs, Clay’s responses are cold and generic, refusing to show any appreciation for John’s efforts to lie for him with spin and even his recant. Of course, this is an obvious manipulative ploy to keep John trying to win his approval and gratitude. John’s previous blogs provided valuable information about himself that revealed how gullible and easily duped he would be, but more important, that he was the kind of person who Clay knew would be easily manipulated, given his desire to please and seek approval and attention. I appears that John has learned nothing from the initial manipulation by Clay right after their encounter, nor his shockingly naïve and gullible behavior in response to Michael Lucas.

“After everything John did to Clay last year, I can't believe that Clay ever trusted that John could really be his friend.”

First of all, I could have been his friend. For the last several months, Clay has used and manipulated me behind the scenes. Back in February he asked that I give him IP addresses of those who emailed and supported me so that he could have his "guy" look at them. Apparently it's someone that helps run the OFC. I would NOT reveal to him the many of my sources. After this his communication with me became fewer and fewer. Clay is not worthy of having any friends. He uses people. Right now Kristy is his Cinderella- assigned to clean his toilet. Maybe she'll wake up.
John Paulus Homepage 05.10.07 - 10:24 pm #
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“Faiken thought mats from the OFC were posting on your blog in support of you? That was his story??? Doubtful that was the cross check reference he was really using but guess he had to have some sort of story.”

NO!!! Why is it so hard for some of you to understand? Clay was convinced, and rightfully so, that someone very close to him had been feeding me information. He wanted to know who they were. I would not give their names because much of the information came through email and I didn't know it. He wanted their IP's so he could see if they were at the OFC, because many of his friends are members.

You see, there is a lot of embarrasssing information I know about Clay that I have NEVER shared on my old blog, but that he knows that I know. In fact, he was shocked that I knew so much. He knows that for me to know what I know only friends or family could have told me.
John Paulus Homepage 05.10.07 - 10:51 pm #
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“so once or if Faiken learned the identity of posters what would he do with that information? Give it to uncle jess? what was he going to do? take their birthday away??”

If he discovered they were his friends he would stop talking. If he found out which family member, probably cut them off.
John Paulus Homepage 05.10.07 - 10:53 pm #
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“See, he WAS using you.”

Of course he was. Like I said, I gave him time to change. I didn't expect it to happen over night, but after 6 months of continuing to lie to me and so forth I said enough is enough.
John Paulus Homepage 05.10.07 - 10:55 pm #
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“November 6th. Close to Clay's birthday and when John closed down his original blog.”

November 5th, Matt Clemens blog.
John Paulus Homepage 05.10.07 - 11:31 pm #
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You see, there is a lot of embarrasssing information I know about Clay that I have NEVER shared on my old blog, but that he knows that I know. In fact, he was shocked that I knew so much. He knows that for me to know what I know only friends or family could have told me.
John Paulus Homepage 05.10.07 - 10:51 pm #
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So, given everything that John had admitted to having been lied to, manipulated and used by Clay (as 411ers warned him), an interesting question to John was posed last night:

http://www.haloscan.com/comments/zyban/5066307675867638021/

” I'd like to ask you a serious question, John.

Why, when you have admitted that Clay lied to and manipulated you over the past 6 months, do you want to have anything to do with him still? I'm sorry, but it's starting to sound like an unnatural and creepy obsession, especially since there is a cloud of evidence hanging over Clay's head at all times.
Dramamine 06.10.07 - 4:49 am #”

Instead of answering the question, this is what John responded:

” Dramamine-

I am cordial to him. That's it.
John Paulus Homepage 06.10.07 - 4:52 am # “

Obviously, this is not a response to the question and it is doubtful that there is a reasonable response. John just needs to be honest and admit that he has become part of Clay’s propaganda machine, even to the point of outright lying in his characterization of the posters on this blog. John is like a yo-yo, changing his opinion constantly, but the end goal always appears to be maintaining a connection to Clay, however tenuous, no matter how he is treated, even under very strange circumstances of coercion.

The question remains as to why John wants to maintain a “relationship” with such an individual. That has not yet been answered.

One possibility is that John needs to have a storybook ending to this entire saga, to validate his efforts over that past 17 months. He needs to feel that he has been the instrument of Clay miraculously changing from a liar, manipulator and user, and desperately grasps at even the most miniscule straw, spinning it to fit his agenda. Another is the obvious one of needing a connection to a celebrity, no matter how insignificant, to receive attention. Finally, is this just a lame attempt to save face?

John can say whatever he wishes about anything or anyone posting here, but he cannot change the truth. He’s trying very hard to do so, and has sacrificed every shred of integrity, honor and credibility that he ever had. Let’s hope that his reward is worth the steep price to him.

Anonymous

New Blog By Clay Aiken:Damage Control

2007-06-10T11:34:00.000-04:00

06/09/07 : Clarity in Cabo

Here I sit in Cabo San Lucas. It seems like the past week has been a whirlwind tour! I have come down to Mexico for my manager, Simon's, 50th birthday surprise party. Now let me tell you... that's a funny invitation to get. "We want to invite you to a surprise birthday party, but you have to fly yourself to another country and get a hotel room!" HA HA. And I, being the confused and incompetant person that I am, got the date wrong anyway. I scheduled my flight from Europe to get me here on the 8th, because I knew that Simon's birthday was the 8th, and that his party was on the night of the 9th. When I arrived at my hotel after 3 flights, 8 time zones, 16 hours in the air, and 26 hours awake straight, I had intended to go directly to bed. I was exhausted. But, when I got to my room, I was so excited by the cool view that I called one of the other managers who had traveled down just to comment on how nice the place was. When i reached her on the phone she said, "Where are you?"

I had incorrectly assumed that the party was on the 9th. It was on the 8th. Unshaven, slovenly dressed, and probably smellling worse than the refried beans, I made my way to the surprise party. Remarkably underdressed! Just like me to be classy!!

But, sitting on the balcony and looking at the ocean today has gotten me quite excited about this summer's tour. I have unofficially called it the "Soft Rock and a Hard Place" tour or "A Soft Rock gathers no moss" tour, because it REALLY is a soft rock show. That's what you get with an orchestra. But I am so PUMPED at how amazing some of these ATDW songs are going to sound with full orchestra. Especially in great venues like the Greek Theater in LA. (if you have never been ther, and you are able to, GO to that show.. unbelievable venue!)

Jesse has been working had to make sure every song has an amazing arrangement with the strings and the horns, and has taken some of the songs that are not on ATDW that I wanted to do for you and made them sound great too. We are going to take a very interesting and never before taken walk down a "memory lane" of sorts that you probably never would have thought to take, but one that I am sure will bring back interesting memories for many. (It has for me, and I am so loving this part of the show) And, I have given Jesse and the symphonies another musical assignment that I can almost GUARANTEE they have never had to undertake before. Like with most of our shows, I really have no idea whether that part is going to succeed or not... but I am SURE it is going to be fun. And we are going to do it all in the most laid back casual way yet. So, all of you who haven't bought you tickets yet because you don't want to st on the grass.... bring your blanket and chill with us. (lots of folks have told me that such and such a city is sold out... but it isn't true. Many of the cities have sold out their covered seating, but there are tons of lawn seats available in many of these places. Bug spray people!!)

We are going to have a good time... and you know as well as I do, no two shows are the same. I am sure to mess up in a different place every night!!

Now on to serious matters...

With regard to the message board shut down, I apologize for not being more informed.
My initial understanding was that the message boards were becoming somewhat of a breeding ground for negativity and in fighting. I was told they were going to be shut down for a short period of time to try to clean house.

At the time, I just took that information and quite honestly, ignored it. I have always felt it best to let people do their jobs without interfering and micro-managing. So, I let the folks who run the fansite do what they felt was best.

Now, more informed, a shut down may not have been the best thing. I will take responsibility for not being as informed and involved as I should have been, and I will apologize.The truth is, in a group as diverse and energetic as this wonderful fan group is, it is impossible to agree on everything. Heck, if everyone did life would be boring. I think that having a forum to discuss and disagree (and even argue) is not only an exciting benefit of technology, but also a great way to de-stress and spend quality time with people who you care about.

With that in mind, I have emailed the "powers that be" and asked them to turn the message boards back on by Monday morning. (Mind you, they are on the west coast.) I don't always get my way, but I will hope that they will listen.

Please use the message boards in the way they were intended, to express yourself freely. Celebrate. Discuss. Anticipate. Speculate. Complain. Heck, even criticize. I have no problem with criticism. in fact, I have been known in the past to read messages left by fans online and make changes to my shows/songs/etc.That's what a message board is for.

The teacher in me wants to say "you know, if you want to use the message board to beat up on each other and tear each other down, go for it. Enjoy yourselves." And the truth is, from now on, if thats really what it comes to, so be it.

However, I don't think that is the desire or hope of more than 99% of the folks that frequent the OFC.With regard to that small 1%, I would love to impart a little wisdom my mother tried to pass on to me when I got picked on relentlesly in middle school.

IGNORE!!!There is NOTHING that upsets a bully more than to be ignored.

NOTHING!Trust me! It will work everytime.If someone says something you don't like, rebut with your opinion. That's great.If they are only trying to cause a reaction or get you upset, ignore them. I swear it's the most painful thing you can do to them. And, eventually, they'll give up.

I wish I had believed my mom when she told me that in middle school. But, now, at 28 (God I feel old!), I finally know that she was right all along. Try it yourself.

Again, I apologize for not stepping in sooner and asking them not to do the shut down in the first place.I promise you that I will do everything within my power to make sure that, with the exception of scheduled maintenance or an uncontrollable circumstance, the message boards are never shut down for punative reasons again. It isn't fair.

We all continue to work really hard to make you all proud. You have done so much for me in the past four years, it's really impossible to repay you. I'll promise to continue doing my best every day to make you as proud of me as I am of all of you!

Edited to add"

Someone also pointed out something else I will respond to... I do defend the people I care about, but I stopped defending my mother because she told me to. She said, "I don't care about what other people say about me. Let them call me fat. Let them call me stupid. Let them call me ugly. It doesn't make it true."

So she told me to ignore them as well.

I KNOW that it is much harder to ignore when someone says something about someone you care about. And, i'll tell you, I could not be more honored and more blessed to have such amazing supporters who would go to the mat for me.

(As someone posted in response to my last blog: "Charlie only had three angels. [I] sure got him beat!) I thank you.

But believe me when i say, "Let them call me fat. Let them call me stupid. Let them call me ugly. It doesn't make it true." Ignore them. I'll love you anyway!And, eventually, they'll give up.

Love

c

Current Mood:Confused

Currently Listening to:the ocean

Above is the latest blog from Clay Aiken. In it, Clay SEEMS to do something he has never done before: address a controversy that surrounds him. One might even think that this blog presented a "change" in Clay Aiken if not for the knowledge that the controversy in question is going to be published in "The Enquirer"next week.

What this blog is, is an attempt at damage control. It never would have been written if not for the upcoming article.

Maybe it's me, but I don't see Clay Aiken say much of anything here.

We learned that Clay Aiken turned up someplace looking like a slob. No surprises there.

We learned that apparently
his tour isn't selling the way Clay would like, because there seems to be begging of the fans to buy tickets...to more than ONE show.

As far as the controversy at his OFC and the message board being shut down, the only people *I* saw get a swat were the mods and admins of that board. Other than that it was not a clear message at all about the controversy.

He identifies a small group of fans as trouble makers, but doesn't indicate which group that is. There are two groups that come to mind and I'm sure right now, each is claiming victory and pointing at the other.

This blog from Clay does not clarify. It leaves everything open to perception. He calls out the "bullies" but not by name. He also thanks the mates who "go to the mat" for him, but isn't thanking them just encouraging more?

Then Clay added a special addendum that essentially said "don't believe everything you hear". That is just another way of saying what he's said all along "People will believe what they want to believe".

The controversy at the OFC was NOT about anyone saying that Aiken is UGLY, FAT or STUPID. The controversy at the OFC was about the implication that Clay is gay.

That is clear to ANYONE familiar with the controversy.

It's all about Clay's sexuality.

Again, Aiken is content to let people believe he is straight, saying "just because someone says something doesn't make it so".

Wordy as this new blog is, it says a lot of nothing.

This blog probably never would have been written if not for the coverage in the "National Enquirer".

Any thinking person can see what this blog is.

Damage Control.